I had a 1.3cm aneurysm clipped on Feb.10th 2014 so only 4 months ago. it went almost perfect, i had only the normal side effect: swelling, bruised, limited use of my jaw, and of coarse the loss of half of my beautiful hair! I spent 3 days in the icu and 1 day in the normal wing, I used minimal pain medicine and was given kepra the same as anyone else but it messed with my moods so terribly and I have 2 small children that im sure i scared with what my mother called " my episodes". So only after a month and a week my doctor allowed me to be weaned from the medication. It seems like everyone is against me. Every one wanted to know about my surgery and see my bald head but no one called or visited only they would inquire information from the one person who would stop by. I have a husband but i try to tell him i cant feel emotionally and he just tells me it will take time but im tired of being this way. Im not happy, i cant cry, but i do get angry and lonely but its kind of my fault when no one showed up while i was recovering i told them all to go F themselves. I have always been a person to help those in need, found joy in cooking, dressing up myself and my babies and taking pictures but now i just cant. I hate to have to cook because it creates more work. I have been asked to help others and my reply is " where were you when i needed you?" I get frustrated so easily, loud noise and music makes me feel nervous and panicked. I just want to feel happy, or even cry to know that i am normal or at least a glimpse of the person i was before the surgery.
These are all very normal feelings Nicole and are ones that a vast majority of us have to persevere thru as part of the healing process. When I was feeling similar to you I would keep reminding myself that this was definitely better than the alternative and that helped me thru the healing process. You are only 4 months into your recovery and one of these days you will start to see some small glimpses of the person you were before your surgery and here will come the new, happy YOU at the end of your recovery :))! Please hang in there and remember to be kind to yourself thru your recovery and try not to rush yourself thru this process. - Michele xO-
These are all normal feelings...and you are very early in the healing journey...most of us, a few months after our surgery, rupture, not rupture, complications, etc., have been diagnosed with "PTSD" (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Donot suffer .. talk to your Doctor and start doing some things that will help you through...perhaps think about seeing someone for "Talk therapy" ... or do some yoga, meditation, walking, etc.,
And Like Michele said, hang in there and take care of YOU...it does get better...but often we have to do a little talking to ourselves along the way...Gotcha in my Thoughts ~ Colleen
Nicole,
Please understand that in clipping surgery there is no possible way for a surgeon to prevent damage to neuron fibers in the brain or to predict what or where memories are located. The changes you feel could be the result of rearranged neurons and these neurons seek to reconnect pathways. It will take some time and understanding on your part and those close to you to understand that your brain is still in the process of repairing itself. I happen to be a proponent of electroencelephogram (EEG) Neurofeedback to help the brain repair itself. I have seen amazing changes in my wife as she undergoes this treatment (she started treatment in May 2013 and continues through today once per week.) Even after twenty years this treatment is helping to get her back to her old self. No pill is going to help this repair and that is why we sought out this type of treatment. If you want to help speed the process along you might want to consider EEG Neurofeedback. It takes time and many multiple sessions but it is well worth it. If you have any questions about it let me now and I will try to get you the answers. Good luck and God Bless.
Ed
Nicole I had my clipping in September. I had all those same feelings too. I know it sounds odd but I started going to talk therapy in April and for some reason it helped. Talking to people here helped me too. I still can't handle loud noise or music but like Michele said I keep thinking it's better than it was. One foot in front of the other.
Hi Nicole. I 'm sorry for your mixed emotions post aneurysm. I supposed you heard it all before, that things will get better. But it’s difficult for you a mom, of 2 young kids. It has been only 4 months. You seem not to have any health issues but lots of emotional ones.Nicole you mentioned your stay in the hospital. You spent only 3 days in ICU. You used only minimal medication, also you were weaned off Kepra. Which you think had a lot to do with your “moods.” Good for you Nicole, but you don’t think that you’re in a good place right now. Your hair will grow back but your relatives and friends won’t returned, if you treated them like that. I know you’re are going through a lot of mixed emotions, right now. Survivors on this site, are willing to helped you step by step. Nicole, it’s OK, if you can’t cried- you been through a horrendous trauma- when you are ready to cried- you will cried me a river! My friend Harlylena, said “imagine your brain is in a cast.” It would eventually healed. Maybe you need to talk to a therapist. To eased your frustration, it would helped you to cope. My thoughts and prayers are with you Nicole. We survivors,are here willing to guide you, through this.