Nice to meet “me” again

Hello you fantastic bunch, my name is Al and I live in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. As all of you, I went through something life changing one Sunday morning on March 22nd, 2020…I had just eaten breakfast and felt a bit strange afterwards…I got up from the table and went to sit in the living room…I was feeling worse now with dizziness, heart rate racing and then I heard a tear in my head, like unzipping a ripper kinda sound, and then my blood pressure plummeted and literally heard the wind blow out of my ears like a huge”swoosh” sound…I looked at my wife and could barely say anything, I then had an incredible headache with a lump on the back of my neck…constant vomiting started and my wife called for an ambulance…they arrived and took me away to one of the best hospitals in North America called CHUM in Montreal…the head of the neurology dept. took over and had already decided I could be saved from the local scans that were sent to him previously…that said, I was told when I woke up 4 days later from an induced coma that I had suffered a hemorrhagic stroke due to a “classic” ruptured Fusiform Aneurysm and that it had bled about 6-7 cm’s (2.5-3 inches) on my brain. A kind hearted Haitian nurse was encouraging me on and once I could see her since my right eye was completely smudged and couldn’t hear so good, she said hello, hello handsome, you’ve been sleeping in my face for 4 days now :joy:…my name is Jacynthe, what is your name?..I looked at her with no response, I had no clue…she said that’s ok, we’ll try again later and smiled…I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW MY OWN NAME and once alone for a few minutes, I broke down…I tried so hard but couldn’t remember…as the day went on, I suddenly remembered the sound of my wife’s voice calling me Al…but couldn’t place her or make the connection, man I was lost…the difference I may have with some or all of you is that this happened just as a national lockdown occurred do to this new virus going around called COVID-19 at the time and everyone was literally freaking out, here in Canada anyway…this meant that I had to go through this alone, was not allowed visitors whatsoever, parents, siblings not even my wife…as another day went on, I just magically started to remember some things, like a massive wave of memories rushing back to me…I am bilingual and French first actually but my English is for some reason, what my brain chose to identify with…my French was terrible!! :laughing: I was completely lost in my own native language, unreal! So, I spent 2 weeks at that hospital, alone and honestly…broken! I finally came home on April 4th, 20 lbs lighter and just extremely soar from the blood in my brain making its way down my body irritating my nerves as it goes by, this feels like getting hit with a baseball bat all day for another 2 weeks…my wife was my rock. She had read up on what happened to me and what I was going to go through, this was far from over. And some things were just out of my control, like my emotions and way of thinking. I’m a confident, successful man…6’1”, 200 lbs athletic and felt like I was nothing…literally, didn’t even feel like I should be here…my time had come and wasn’t worthy…APRIL last year was terrible guys…as the year went on, I got better and better, I pushed hard, actually maybe too hard but I climbed back up that hill and by September did my first 10k or the year…I still have some “ weird “ things going on in my head meaning cracking and pressures almost like stuff moving around in the there but the doc says it’s all normal and reassured me all is good after rescans showed all healed well and he was very pleased 6 months later… I will see him again this coming September for more scans then will be followed yearly for the rest of my life and that’s just fine with me. The tile I gave this read called:”NICE TO MEET ME AGAIN” was meant this way…for months and months I just couldn’t associate my person, name, body or anything with my brain…they just didn’t match, it made no sense…and finally now, a little more than a year later, I’m no longer walking in parallel with myself but towards myself…I found ME again, about 85-90% anyway and that could be my new normal and that’s ok! I love things again, nature and music, things that make me happy and smile like hearing a favourite song gets to me now so hey:”It’s nice to meet me again”…cheers!

Btw, I’m including a picture if that’s ok of me 6 months after and 8 months ago now already from the first 10k I did. Just hoping to inspire someone going through the same thing and to show that things really do get better! [image|375x500](upload://41b5CqZ2EDM0GgWFI2M8CF2ck85

.jpeg) image|375x500 … much love to you all and never quit, never give up life is too awesome xo

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Welcome to our group @Al.C. What an amazing story from an amazing young man! I hope your French has come back. I understand your part of the world is French speaking, though English is spoken as well. I’ve read your replies to other members and you are an inspiration to us all. My running days are long gone, but I’m going to run with you virtually if that’s all right?

Hugs and love back to you!
Moltroub

@Moltroub Hi there and thanks for your kind comments! Yes my french is back better than ever and things are generally great! I will be running another half marathon at the end of May, you will be running with me in spirit and I will be thinking of this wonderful group of survivors too…I will be 52 in a few weeks and thank God I can still run, I just love it! Cheers to you! xo

What an amazing story of surviving something like this!! I recently found out I have a fusiform left cerebral artery aneurysm that my neurosurgeon left in 2013 when he clipped another 7 mm aneurysm. It hasn’t changed in 7 years but it’s put a lot of anxiety on me knowing it’s in there. He’s not too concerned about it because it’s a bump, not a balloon. It’s 2 mm x 3.5 mm. How big was yours and on what artery?

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@Al.C yes sir, I will be there with you! Thank you so much! Birthdays are great, especially after a rupture. As survivors, we don’t get upset when another comes our way do we? LOL

Hugs back to you!
Moltroub

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Birthdays @Moltroub don’t bother me at all :joy:…I’m hoping for another 30 at least…I was 50 when this happened and that would have been quite young to say goodbye 🥲

Hi @Linda_W and thanks! Yes it’s been a hectic 13 months since the worst day of my life…wow, so glad your fusiform hasn’t changed in 7 years!!! I don’t know what seize it was, didn’t ask but he did tell me that the artery ballooned big enough that it just kinda exploded on either side and figured that’s why I even heard it within my head when it went…I believe it was my right cerebral artery, way behind my right eye. Here is a scan from the front of my face and you can see the coils perfectly…my fillings too :laughing:…oh well. Doc says it’s about the size of a green pea…he decided to completely close that part of the artery, no blood goes there now…this is why I was there for two whole weeks and to be sure my brain wouldn’t have any spasms! image|375x500

:clap:t3::clap:t3::clap:t3: I was 53 when I popped my pipe, that’s what I called it when I first got home from ICU. My doc also said about the size of a pea, mine was 5mm.

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@Moltroub @Linda_W Here is another view, you can see where it is in the artery in my brain!

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@Moltroub The size of the aneurysm was 5mm…ok, don’t know the size of mine…the coils made like a wall to stop the blood, this was pea size.

@Al.C , I remember asking my doc what type of pea and started naming several. She said English green pea and that I was a nut! ROFLOL. We are both here to laugh aren’t we?

@Moltroub Yes for sure

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Hi @Al.C and @Linda_W and @Moltroub and… all :slight_smile:
Hey, what a wonderful, inspiring story! Thank you for sharing!!!
I am happy every time I get one year older :wink: and am also 52. When it rupted I was 48. So I am counting all these months like a gift, totally donated.
I’ve always kept positive but recently I feel with @Linda_W . Got anxiety and the “why I even survived” feeling. I’m focusing on the things I love, singing for example (I found an app that is a life-saver: Smule, like a global karaoke :smiley: and I warmly suggest it to those of you who want to try singing, no need to be good at it: fun and therapeutic!)
Anyway… maybe it’s the lockdown, maybe this whole sitting at the PC and working from home and not seeing my relatives (I live in Austria, my folks is in Italy), but I struggle.
I know things will get better as I also experienced it before, I just hope this won’t last forever :slight_smile:
Big hug to all and yes, let’s keep smiling, laughing, aging and enjoying our (new) birthdays!
Ciao!
Iris

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Hello @iris ! So happy that you found singing as a hobby, good for you and am glad you’re doing well. This lockdown is really hard on everyone and keeping positive can be a struggle but hey, 4 years later you’re still going strong so keep focusing on that, with vaccinations on the rise, we will all get through this together. As for anxiety about our aneurysms, that’s a tough one and I get it! My last serious struggle was one week before my 1rst anniversary, what a terrible Sunday that was…weekend of was actually better and I saw things differently, like I had achieved something and I did! Lately I’ve been focusing on things I have to do and try to not think about my brain too much…I have headaches and that just reminds me my healing isn’t quite done yet but got used to it and they are less frequent…I use to get a headache or weird pain and would think:”uh oh! Oh no, what’s going on!”…and would panic a bit…now, I see it more like turbulence on a flight…it’s gonna happen and get used to it :laughing: As you said, keep smiling and laughing (I watch a lot of feel good movies and comedies lately) and keep your positive attitude up, you’re a survivor girl! xo

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Hey @Al.C thank you so much for your words :slight_smile:
This is so good to read!
And I can assure you, the headaches are going to be better. Last year I was still suffering a lot from them but this year they are practically GONE! Miracle! I got a coiling, my rupture was only 4 mm and my left eye was paralized (only for 2 months) so all in all it is a miracle anyway that I am doing fine. The lockdown is having an impact on the psychological state but, hey, that’s for all of us and also for those who did not have any experience like ours! And I’m not sitting on it, I’m trying to find every day some strategies to trick the anxiety - sometimes with success sometimes without…
Thanks also for sharing your strategy on keeping focused on things to do: I’ll try to do the same without the panic for “oh-my-god-they-are-too-much-I-will-never-manage!”-thing :smiley: but taking one thing at the time.
Thank you again! Keep smiling and singing!
Iris

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@Al.C
P.S.: and I find the “Nice to meet “me” again” a very interesting perspective that I will try to apply as well. Big thank you for this!

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Good morning @iris and you are welcome! Keeping positive truly is the key. Day by day and to be honest I wish I was 4 years into this, I see you as lucky and doing just awesome…first year has got to be the toughest. Seeing the neurologist last September was HUGE for me and things got better after his explanations and optimism of how great everything went and had healed over…Funny, but the thing I actually look back on that bothers me the most, is I feel bad for that guy Al that I was in March alone at the hospital…no one should go through that alone and I still struggle with how hard that was for 2 weeks, especially at first when I didn’t know who I was…but don’t dwell on it too much these days, family and friends are priceless…on another note, I am getting vaccinated Tuesday the 27th along with my wife and we will finally get to see my already vaccinated parents whom we’ve not seen in over 8 months now. They live in Sudbury (northern Ontario) and we will be going up there for the May long weekend…I need this! I’ve only seen them once since “the incident” happened…that was really tough on them…well, I’ll leave you on that note and keep on being the best new you that only you can be! xo

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Hello and welcome from a fellow Canadian and survivor of a ruptured aneurysm. I can only imagine how tough that would have been in these Covid times, yikes. So good to hear you are marathon worthy, I have recovered quite a bit of “me” since rupturing 6 years ago at age 48, but marathon… now that is amazing!
I am also now a week into recovering from a repair to that same aneurysm that showed up in one of those yearly follow ups and can say with certainty that is a much much better way to find out about them and I did not seem to lose “me” this time at all.

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Hello @Kellie2 ! So nice to hear from you and thanks for your kind words! So happy that they caught it on time and fixed you up good as new…ya finding out this way is a lot less traumatizing without all the side effects either I bet…the annual check ups are so comforting aren’t they? Initially, my doc said we would do six months later, then one year later, then bi-yearly…I asked him for yearly and he then said ok no problem, I understand. He did say that an aneurysm doesn’t develop over night but still, once a year treatment is definitely acceptable. Well I’m glad you found you again in the last 6 years and especially glad the new procedure didn’t ruin that…stay strong and safe from this damn virus… Thanks again for reaching out to me and keep on being you, no one can do it better! :wink:

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Btw, what happened and what was the repair Kellie? If I may ask? Were the old coils moving or?