I am now 42 years of age. On March 28, 2012, I suffered the most life changing event I have ever experienced. I was alone, at home and my daughter had just left for school. Much of that morning I don't remember, so what I can recollect I will share. I had the worst headache I have ever had and having suffered migraines most of my life, it was terrible. I called my place of employment to say that I would be late and that I was not feeling well. The rest is a blur. I tried to call 911 myself, twice, but was not successful. Thankfully, my touch phone allowed me to redial the call I made the night before and praise God my angel answered. She has since told me that I sounded like a distressed 5 year old, giving my address and explaining there was blood everywhere. I didn't know it at the time, but I had a seizure and bit the inside of my mouth. By the time she could call 911 for me, my body was in convulsions. I was scared that I was dying. My great aunt stood outside my window and she said that all I could say was "I don't want to die". My mother called me as well and said that she kept me on the phone trying to reassure me I would be okay and to hang on. The EMS arrived and transported me to our local hospital and after the CT scan, my family got the news they were not expecting. Cerebral Aneurysm: What? So, I was airlifted to UNC Chapel Hill and had to be incubated and was sedated for 3 days. I remember coming to in the Trauma ICU for Neuroscience. Not aware, I had already had two angiograms and the bleed could not be found. My brain was swollen and the fluid was going down my spine. I experienced back pain, leg pain, and headaches. For a month, I stayed in Chapel Hill waiting for my course of treatment. I was about to be sent home and thankfully after the third angiogram, the bleed was found. I got my first coil and went home for a month. When I returned I was given the news that my aneurysm had grown, so I received a brain stent. I was out of work for 5 months. As of August 27, I am working now up to 6 hours a day. I return to Chapel Hill in December for another angiogram. My blood pressure has fluctuated from high to low and low to high. The headaches are still painful, but now only occur about every 3 weeks. I now have numbness in my hands and arms and hope to have that addressed soon. Physical therapy has helped me regain muscle strength, as I suffered atrophy after the incident. Emotionally, I am a wreck. No one can know what I have been through. I wear a happy face and I thank God he spared me. Life is a gift and I do have a second chance. Do you ever recover? It has been 6 months. I just want the anxiety and fear to go away. Every pain, every spasm, anything that I think should not be happening throws me into panic mode. I pray that God will take this away so that I can move forward. I am not ungrateful at all. In fact, I am sharing my testimony with anyone who will listen and I hope that I can be a blessing to whomever I am around. Thank you for reading my story.. God's blessings on the survivors, relatives, friends, medical professionals, or others..One day at a time!
Thank you for sharing. It is people like you that make me realize how blessed I am that my aneruysm was found before it ruptured. I had a crainiotomy and had mine clipped at Emory in Atlanta 10 yrs. ago. You, like alot of us here are truly a miracle. You are fortunate to live so close to good hospitals like Chapel Hill and Duke. I understand your anxiety. That will get better with time. I still have some times when I wish I had never had to have brain surgery and go through all you have to go through with recovery. But it is what it is and I can't change that. I have learned over the years of recovery ,that, it takes alot of courage, confidence in truly believing the truths God has given us in HIS word, and whole lot of PATIENCE. HE tells us HE will never leave us nor forsake us and I have found that to be true. When something this truamatic happens to you I think you have to cling to HOPE. Hoping to see your children grown and married. (My son just got married in May and my daughter will get married next April) I didn't know 10 yrs ago when I was told my annie may not be operable, that I would see my children (12 and 15 at the time of my surgery) grown. Now I am HOPIng to live to see grandchildren. Life is truly a gift. I pray for wisdom for your doctors and that you can handle the anxiety you are having even if you have to take something. Now the God of HOPE fill you will all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope...Romans 15:13. Hang in there and know you are not alone and there are people here who truly know what you are going through and have learned how to live life after brain aneurysm treatment. You have been a blessing to me today.
Thank you Robin. After looking at this site today and now receiving feedback, suddenly I don't feel alone. My God was with me that day and continues to carry me in the good and not so good days. I am very lucky to be a survivor. I had no idea what an aneurysm was, let alone how it is treated. I have not had to have my head cut, but am told that it is the final option if the coiling and stent do not hold. I have found a new meaning in the word LIFE. My daughter is 12 and I cannot imagine not seeing her grow up. I was terribly frightened each time I went in for an angiogram and procedure that I would not come out. I missed her 12th birthday because I was in the hospital. She too, experienced the roller coaster of this all after I came home and was not the same mommy she knew. I have a great support system here at work, church, and my family. People came out of the woodwork to help and I am so thankful for the love that I have been shown. I ask that you pray for me. Prayer is so powerful. I am told I am a miracle. Heck, I guess I am! Although, we just met, I am blessed you responded and that I was a blessing to you. I return to Chapel Hill in December. All I can do is hope that all is well. God Bless you Robyn and may you continue to have good health and make many more memories. Hope to hear from you again ;0)
hi Tammie! wow what an intense moving story- thank you for opening your heart and sharing-my story is similar but i dont remember anything the entire day of the sah and of course 5 days of coma. i'm so glad you found us- i took about 2 yrs in which time i felt so alone. the whole time i thought the therapy was going to help me get back to work unfortunately therapy plateaued me refusing anymore treatment. i wake every day still thinking i'll improve a little quicker as i practicaly hug the wall to get to the bathroom . i feel the same way -put on the happy face (love that)& that we we're blessed for round 2,i'm so glad your back to work!!!! that's outstanding! will keep you in my prayers for strength & healing! may God bless you all!
Hey Ron. Thanks for responding. We are all products of modern technology and the grace of God. My doctors and nurses were outstanding and they remember me to this day..If you need to hug the wall, you go ahead. You are here and that is all that matters. You can make memories, rekindle friendships, and renew your relationship with God. That is the gift!!! Round 2: here we come! It is so nice to see the response I have gotten in just hours of becoming a member..I think this is just what I needed. Praying God's abundance on you and yours and that you will continue to gain strength and divine healing. We are miracles...God chose us: what more could we ask for.. praying for you in the days to come. :0)
Hi Tammie,
Thanks for sharing your story. You have indeed been blessed with a miralce just as I was, 43 years ago when my annie ruptured. Thanks be to God!
Your anxiety will lessen over time as you move forward . The spasms, etc. may not cause you to panic as you will become aware of what is “normal” for you but I will say that you will probably always be watchful.
May God continue to bless with healing. Hold to His hand!
Take care.
Carole
Tammie,
I am so glad you shared your story with all of us.I know I have found it very therapeutic. I am 3 years out from a SAH and spent the good 2 1/2 feeling all alone. Didn't make it any eiser that I fell it to that small % of people that actually had total personality traits change after surgery...This was a very scarey place for me....You learn to create a NEW Normal for your self and most important learn self patients......No Question is dumb here,
You went threw so much ....you went threw a major trauma!!!!! It's ok to just break down and cry....and your rite your family and friends dont understand but there are things you can share with them to give them a glimps of what might be going on! but truth is only a fellow survivor knows exactly how you feel>
You ever need any thing or just wanna talk Im here.......I woke up as dee by the way!
hugs and prayers for each step each day!!!!!!!
Hello,
I'm glad to see that you are awake! This is your brain talking. I had to find some way to communicate with you. I feel like I barely survived WWIII and am still not quite all in one piece. That's why I need you. I need you to take care of me.
As time passes and you and I feel better and better, people, even doctors, will tell you that we are fine, "it's time to get on with life." That sounds good to me and probably even better to you. But before you go rushing back out into that big wide world, I need you to listen to me, really listen. Don't shut me out. Don't tune me out. When I'm getting into trouble I'll need your help more than I ever have before.
I know that you want to believe that we are going to be the same. I'll do my best to make that happen. The problem is that too many people in our situation get impatient and try to rush the healing process; or when their brains can't fully recover they deny it and, instead of adapting, they force their brains to function in ways they are no longer able too. Some people even push their brains until they seize, and worse... I'm scared. I'm afraid that you will do that to me. If you don't accept me I am lost. We both will be lost.
How can I tell you how much I need you now? I need you to accept me as I am today... not for what I used to be, or what I might be in the future. So many people are so busy looking at what their brains used to do, as if past accomplishments were a magical yardstick to measure present success or failures, that they fail to see how far their brains have come. It's as if here is shame, or guilt, in being injured. Silly, huh?
Please don't be embarrassed or feel guilt, or shame, because of me. We are okay. We have made it this far. If you work with me we can make it even further. I can't say how far. I won't make any false promises. I can only promise you this, that I will do my best.
What I need you to do is this: because neither of us knows how badly I've been hurt (things are still a little foggy for me), or how much I will recover, or how quickly, please go s-l-o-w-l-y when you start back trying to resume your life. If I give you a headache, or make you sick to your stomach, or make you unusually irritable, or confused, or disoriented, or afraid, or make you feel that you are overdoing it, I'm trying to get your attention in the only way I can. Stop and listen to me.
I get exhausted easily since being hurt, and cannot succeed when overworked. I want to succeed as much as you do. I want to be as well as I can be, but I need to do it at a different pace than I could before I got hurt. Help me to help us by paying attention and heeding the messages I send to you.
I will do my part to do my very best to get us back on our feet. I am a little worried though that if I am not exactly the same... you will reject me and may even want to kill us. Other people have wanted to kill their brains, and some people have succeeded. I don't want to die, and I don't want you to die.
I want us to live, and breath and be, even if being is not the same as it was. Different may be better. It may be harder too, but I don't want you to give up. Don't give up on me. Don't give up on yourself. Our time here isn't through yet. There are things that I want to do and I want to try, even if trying has to be done in a different way. It isn't easy. I have to work very hard, much harder, and I know that you do too. I see people scoff, and misunderstand. I don't care. What I do care about is that you understand how hard I am working and how much I want to be as good as I can be, but I need you to take good care of us, as well as you can do that.
Don't be ashamed of me. We are alive. We are still here. I want the chance to try to show you what we are made of. I want to show you the things that are really important in life. We have been given another chance to be better, to learn what is really important. When it is finally time for our final exit I would like to look back and feel good about what we made of us and out of everything that made up our life, including this injury. I cannot do it without you. I cannot do it if you hate me for the way being injured has affected me and our life together. Please try not to be bitter in grief. That would crush me.
Please don't reject me. There is little I can do without you, without your determination to not give up. Take good care of us and of yourself. I need you very much, especially now.
THIS IS JUST ONE OF MANY LITTLE THIS THAT MY HELP