My partner left, can I do this by myself?

4 years post rupt. cerebellar aneurysm, 2 craniotomies intubated, IP rehab. Came home from the ‘incident’, but Im not the same person; I know that. I am still so angry and not happy with who I am now. Yesterday my S/O left when I was out of town on business. Came home to an empty house. I take full responsibility as I am NOT the person I was the day prior to the ‘incident.’ So now what? Can I do this by myself? I live on a farm with several acres, brand new home, new service dog puppy. Quite frankly, Im scared. I need a friend I think cause no one I know nor my family including my kids need nor want to discuss any part of what happened to me nor the months of scary uncertainty. Im dizzy 24/7 ALWAYS!! this sucks I don’t like me anymore. No one else seems to either.

Dear Tigsmum,

I am so very sorry to read this post. It must be devastating to come home and find your S/O has left. Your being scared is definitely understandable. What I will say in answer to your question is, YES, YOU CAN!

One thing I can relate to if the feeling of being dizzy a lot post surgery and over the years after my medications were changed. Twice, I’ve had to ask my doctors to reduce the prescribed dosage of my anti-convulsant. There was push back both times but, I was able to explain how the medications were affecting me. Both times, I was able to convince them to lower my dosage. This eliminated the problem for me. May I suggest making a request for an appoint to review of all your medications with your doctors. It is possible that this will result in some medication changes that will eliminate your dizziness. Your confidence and since of well being will be greatly improved if you can get your balance issues resolved.

May God be with you as you adjust to this change. May your service dog also be a source of comfort and security.


@Tigsmum a good friend is priceless. We do change after a rupture and there’s a long road ahead to get some back of what we had. Some partners are adaptable, others are not and it sucks when they leave. Even without the complications of dealing with changes from a rupture, losing a partner leaves a void. Never give up!

You can do this! Farming demands routine which helps with emotional balance in our lives, in my opinion. Always expect the unexpected in farming. Are you working with a service dog trainer for your pup? I have seen quite a few “service” dogs here that don’t know basic obedience which confuses me to no end. I’ve seen other service dogs that have been trained far past basic obedience and they are wonderful at their job.

I agree totally with @Carole_G! Doesn’t she provide wonderful advice? I’ve been on meds that caused me(and our pup) to not like me. Check with your doctor!

Although we are virtual, we are here to help support you in any way we can. You know our members are excellent at providing emotional support. We understand the pitfalls and triumphs of recovering from a rupture. Come back often, we are here for you!

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Thanks to you both. My aneurysm involved the entire cerebellum thus my vertigo is forever and I just need to find other ways to do the most basic things. I would consider myself to be quite cerebral and intelligent. I pride myself on being able to think quickly in the operating room and write well in my professional writings. This was so easy and now so hard.
My service dog was 2 years in the waiting for a special breeder with a particular bitch and sire. I have a professional trainer who trains only service dogs and medic alert dogs. She is quite pricy but has been well worth the expense. He is doing quite well until I left him for the first time. He was coughing when I got home after finding the house empty of so many of my things, so my attention was diverted until that night when I noticed his respiratory effort was abnormal. To the ER vet. Pneumonia, first time away from me and the farm and he gets sick. OMG. My dog and my farm sustain me right now. I saw a new neurologist today at the university and FINALLY I found someone who ‘gets it’ and told me my symptoms were documented and recently researched by a neuroscientist from South Africa. i watched his Webinar tonight when I got home from my appt. What a relief to have my cerebellar syndrome validated by a world renowned expert. I feel he was describing me when he discussed cerebellar injuries and the impact on gait, balance, ataxia, speech and even emotional control. Thank you for the kind words. I am on the other side of ‘the knife’ here and I struggle to make myself more vulnerable than I already am. I look forward to my Brace and Balance partner to provide support and help to get me off the floor./ground. Will be a tough holiday with so much change and being alone, but I am a !%'r so I am sure i can do this year alone. Relationships are not for those. like me so I am probably better off. Strange to not have friends with so many colleagues across the country and North America. That is a hard pill to swallow and I wish there was a pill for a cerebellar injury but no such pill exists. Have a lovely holiday and that you for the words of encouragement. Stay well, wash your hands and cover your cough :slight_smile: .

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Sounds like you and your Brace and Balance partner are an excellent match, good for you in having a proper trainer! Our old Lab, the one who saved my life when I ruptured, was my best friend through years of CPS, most of it On Call. Truth be told, she was more excited than I when the pager would go off in the wee hours of the morning.

I hope you have a safe holiday as well. I still wear a mask 90% of the time even with my vaccinations. I’m odd, I know😂

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I know exactly how you feel, still learning about my new self. I also know about farms, where are you located? I would be happy to be a friend, you can reach out via email if you would like at (email removed by moderator, please send this as a PM by clicking on the person’s avatar and “send message”)
I look forward to hearing from you :slightly_smiling_face:

I am new here. Just got accepted to this community this morning.
My husband is at his wits end with me and if he left, sometimes I think we would both be better off. I love him and need him.
You shouldn’t have to do this yourself, but since you are finding yourself alone, solitude may be healthier. Cry, scream, whatever you need. That’s all I can do. No one understands me either and negative feedback from a loved one is worse than no feedback at all.

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@Louann welcome to our community! I’m glad you found us. Our partners have a rough go of it, especially if we have ruptured. They have unspoken fears, trying to find a balance of what was our relationships prior and what it has become. Try to be kind to each other. Things may even out eventually.

You may want to start a new topic, introduce yourself and ask for any support you may need. Our members are really wonderful as you will see.

All the best,