Hi I really hope your mum makes a full recover, I feel her pain like everyone else.
I remember feeling like I wasn’t in my own body, after my haemorrhage I cried for weeks being hopeless and not been able to care for my three year old. Took me months to come to terms with it but my son was my inspiration to get that get up and go feeling back.
To this day I don’t remember a thing from that point and memories of my son as a baby has been erased in my mind.
I have now went on to have another son and I don’t look back I feel like I have been giving a second chance and hopefully one day your mum will feel the same.
Xxxx
Your mom is grieving for what she has lost. {it may come back but for now it is lost.} Grieving is very hard to witness, especially in one's parents. All anyone can do is offer comfort. You can't and should not try to prevent her from grieving unless it could harm her physically. It's something a person must go through in order to get to the other side, which is acceptance of the loss. It's not a fast process. It can take years. It can come and go.
So what is comfort, if that's all that can be offered? You can think about what you find comforting and offer the same. Or you may know a few things your mum feels are comforting. To speak for myself, I like someone to sit with me and occasionally put there arm around me or rub me on the upper back. I like to hear that they are there for me and will see me through this problem. {but not if it's not true!} I like to have certain treats that cheer me up after a good cry, like sweets or flowers. Or to watch a funny movie together. There are some things that I wouldn't want as well, like false hopes or false promises. You'd know what those would be for your mom or you can pay close attention and find them out.
It is very normal that she feels depressed considering what has happened. Can you get a professional counselor for her to talk to? There are some that specialize in disability issues. She may want to go on an anti-depressant as well. I believe my husband's doctor said that is common with brain injury survivors. It takes 4-6 weeks to kick in.
Being "heard" is very important to people in your mum's situation. So your replies to her could include things like, "I understand that you feel.....[insert a summary of what she said but in your own words]."
Lastly, don't burn out! This is going to go on for Years. Eat well, sleep well, and do something fun every week, if not every day. You don't want to get depressed because then you won't be able to help your mum.
There is not a whole lot you can DO, it's mostly how you act, at this point. Be encouraging, be there. Read up on this. Talk to all the staff and ask them the same questions. Especially talk to other family members of survivors.
If your mum cannot regain her short term memory I assume she will need to live with a carer. You could start looking into this--getting ideas for where she could go and how it can be paid for. Hospitals never give you more than a few days lead time to get stuff like this in place--it's terrible. And it's not something that you can decide quickly. Do you have other family that can help you with this or talk about your concerns with? That's where I'd start first.
Melanie...I was 61 hen I had three emergencies over 29 days...saw PCP three days after the first and the day before the second...At the half way mark between these first two emergencies, I had open surgery to pin my right shoulder fractured during my first syncope...By the third emergency I was alert and able to converse w/the ER doc...of good records...
What happened from there is not of good records... Very recently, I have suggested searching: Cleveland Clinic Stroke and, in that, read thru the Tables to I believe (as I type)...Table 2 lists the arteries and the areas (anatomy) related and the impacts... on emotions, etc... it should help you in asking the docs questions and assuring the right therapies, etc...
Prayers for your success in helping your mother's recovery... and, that she has had full vision testing, hearing testis and potential neuropsychology testing...and, ask the docs whatever other testing may help.
Thank you so much for your honest thoughtful and reassuring words.
Mel Kimmie said:
Please tell your Mum to take each minute at a time. First, she is here!!! Second, she is progressing, next, we are here supporting her the entire way!!! We have been there too. Each of us in different ways have been there. She is not alone. We are crying with her too in support. Our tears are tears of support!! Okay? I am 54 years old, my burst aneurysms happened on March 18, 2013, I was 52 years old. It was very difficult to learn to walk and talk again. Remembering is difficult too. Does she have any numbness in either hands? If she can write have her journel. It really helped me remember things. Kind of like the movie "50 First Dates". Don't laugh it really helped LOL!!!! My husband is so happy that I did remember him but I would forget things over and over again. Please again, tell her she is not alone!!! I hope this helps, we love you all, Kim
When mine burst, at first I was just trying to figure out what's going on and stay alive. Once I was in the ambulance, I had this feeling of going away, and the only thing I was thinking about was not to hurt my mom, dad, and sis.
It is extremely overwhelming.
Part of her sadness may be not to want to be a burden on anybody. Part of it may be to "why did I survive?"
My best advice is to talk to her as much as possible, but not push her, and try to make her feel as independent as possible. (So don't pick every glass or plate if she can wash them, etc.)
I think I recovered so quickly because my parents flew across the ocean for me, and they were tough on me from the beginning. They criticized the way I was eating before, and made changes. My dad helped me walk, but MADE ME walk on his arm for at least an hour a day.
The sadness, depression, that's something I can't really advice on since I'm myself struggling with it. I just try to get out of the house.
"My husband is so happy that I did remember him but I would forget things over and over again. Please again, tell her she is not alone!!!"
This is so true! Our brains are so powerful! We forget at first, then our brains crate new pathways to the lost memories, and eventually we remember again!
First know I send you comfort and understanding. I truly respect and love how you share in your mother heartache and reached out for help. I can share with you it will get better but it will take time. I totally identify with her. She possibly feel that life has left her no direction and she not sure what the next step is in her journey. I know it well. Please encourage her that there are many of us as survivors has and is experiencing what she is going through. Music help me to express some my deepest, unexpressed feelings. Find what help her get there…tears also help relieve some unspoken fears, depression and uncertainty. I pray that as she moves forward she began to see her Victory! God bless!!