Just a question for the group I have a "blackhole" in my life that seems to extend from about june of 05 to about feb or march of 08 the only things I know about are what has been told to me from that period of time, within that time my mother died..nothing no memory my father in law died I was a pallbearer,at the funeral and at the wake... no memory it is very hard to try and describe this LOST time, in sept of 05 I ended up in ma. general where Dr. Ogilvy found two sah bleeding I quess alot one was stinted the other in my temporal lobe would not stop and he had to cut away some brain tissue (thankyou Dr. Ogilvy you saved my life!) in order to get the hemorage under control which he did...because I'm still here I have read many stories of continued memory problems after a sah does this sound like something that is within the norm or would it be due to taking brain matter to save my life..do any of you have a "blackhole" I'd like to talk thankyou Dale
have you regained any back? Any "snapshots" and then it goes away? I wonder if after more and more time you will get it back? I don't have any "blackhole" other than the time my anni burst to a couple days later - but I was unconscious some of that.
Sorry I am not more help.
Hi Amy thankyou for your reply no I don't think I'll ever recover anything back short term memory from about 4 mnths before gone and then about 2 yrs later nothing and it was 7 yrs ago now there are some snapshots however funny you should put it that way there seems to be 2 and they are both highly charged emotionally the first one is kinda how I was able to date early june of 05 I was lying in bed when my son and some friends came in and told me a little girl with her learners permit had taken an illegal left turn in front of my son on his motorcycle I rushed him to the hospitol busted up his hand,wrist and arm pretty bad I have a clear memory of that ...but not seeing him in a cast??? it's like the memory is cut in half!!! very wierd and then when my father in law died the whole family would go to his beside after work to be with him the only "snap shot" is watching my brother in law feed him french fries with just the right amt of ketchup and showing such love and compassion for his father it touched me greatly the best way I've been able to tell other people what it's like is if you hear an old song it might bring you back to a time and a place and someone you where with there is some information in the memory I don't have any of that I know it sounds crazy even to me..thankyou Amy
Hi Dale,
There was another posting about this issue several months ago.
My experience is that there are just things that I don't remember. The timeframe is about 4 years No important events such as yours but there is an incompleteness. My brothers and sisters will recall things and tell me about them. I try to remember but. if I don't we go on. Sometimes, they just fill in the blanks for me and keep talking.
Most of my life has been since my rupture and there is a lot that I don't readily recall from the post rupture period either. I've been blessed with a life that is has been chock full of experiences, lots of people, lots of places and things. So, I assume the memories are in long term storage somewhere and my brain is just having access problems. However, these days, I can also use the excuse that "I'm having a senior moment". :-)
Take care.
Carole
No Dale...I am so sorry I don't have a blackhole...except for 2 days from the time I was coiled, until I woke from induced coma...and it bothered me for awhile, but I don't think about it anymore...but what you are saying is you had a this happen while you are awake...Gosh, What does your Doctor say?
Gotcha in my Thoughts ~ Colleen
they sent me to a phyciatrist who specializes in tbi and every dr. just keeps telling me how lucky I am but it is not very reasurring and the people I've talked to about that period of time ( more like bugging) said they thought I was ok a little off but ok I think I was busy conning everybody including myself telling them I was alright so I could continue to work it's kinda like my brain has lined up these little black empty boxes of time end to end and trying to put info into them along a timeline that makes sense it probably never will and thats ok ( dumb brain ) I'll keep moving forward,I quess it just wasn't the double sah that did this but the amt of brain tissue that had to be extracted to save my life for this I'm grateful I want to move into the future and not worry about the past it appears we all suffer some of the same things on a day by day basis with vastly different outcomes..thankyou for your kindness colleen sometimes just talking about things seems to be the greatest healer of all Dale
Hi Carole love your reply!!! "I'm having a senior moment" is it ok if I use that also I mean it's not protected by any intellectual or patent rights is it??? GREAT sense of humor need that alot thankyou..Dale
Oh this is so true Dale...I think many of us...just want to move forward, but some days our problems that relate to our annie's has a slide a bit ... but then the next day is always a new one...and the best we can do is embrace it...
Hopeing today is a really a good one for you...~ Cyber~thoughts...Colleen
hi dale-my major black hole was the helicopter ride but i was unconcience so i guess yhat dont count-also i have navigational problems in strange buildings or places and i dont recall shortcuts on the backroads -use em or lose em they say, but i was told that memory deficits(and physical) are caused by the onslaught of blood and spinal fluids on the brain anyway have a great day and may God bless you and yours
Hi Dale,
"I'm having a senior moment" is not original. It's available for anyone to use. Of course, if you're only 25 it will sound a bit odd. :-)
Carole
I quess I can take that as a YES!!! no unfornatley I will never see 25 again I'm 56 and it should fit right in when I have to come up with some BS to explain my actions...you'll love this one old bikers proverb...admit to nothing..deny everything..and make counter accusations...works for me thanks Carole...thanks for the laugh Dale
Dale---I have little memory of the entire month preceding my rupture--it was the beginning of March then it was the middle of May! My memory is, sketchy at best, until around January 2011 (if I am honest with myself)..I also have a terrible time with "sort term memory" but, is it because I really don't listen? I'm getting older? I don't care? My brain injury? ...who knows- I guess it really doesn't matter why--it can be very frustrating! For example, 9 times out of 10, I will forget which locker I used at the gym--uurrgghh....Chance are, if you tell me something, the minute you stop talking--poof, out of my head-
I also am coming to the realization that if you have survived any type of trauma to the brain (bleed included) there is bound to be some degree of brain damage---something none of us wants to acknowledge (..or at least me....really, I survived this horrible trauma to find out I have some "dead" brain cells--and I didn't even have a good time killing those brain cells--haha) Anyway...
I also had BIZARRE hallucinations in the 5-6 weeks upon "awakening" from my coma---I think my brain was trying to figure things out--present? past? reality? fiction? I am forever grateful that my brain did "sort things out"--for that, I know I am fortunate....
Dale, I don't know if this helps you, but thanks for letting me put my thoughts down--Dana
To me I compare my brain to a computer hard drive. It seems to defrag itself. Memories are like individual files. The brain keeps reorganizing the memories, skills, motor functions, etc. It's like your brain defrag has put the memories of that time period in a new location. Since during that time you went through much emotional trauma, your brain decided to put the memories into a new file library. Maybe to protect you from experiencing the emotional pain. Then in some point in time it will let a few files (memories) come back slowly. You may see, hear, smell, taste something that will trigger a memory. Believe me a few sad / traumatic memories at a time is better than a huge download of all.
I went through a time when my brain accessed childhood memories that were deeply buried. It was like watching a TV, but I relived them. It went on for hours and all I could do was cry cause I felt and re-lived everything again as if it was really happening. It was horribly painful. I kept trying different things to get them to stop but they wouldn't. Watching a comedy, reading, cleaning, to no avail. Then when they try and come back now, I say in my mind stop go away, and start thinking of other things. They fade back and no longer attack me. However that library of files in my brain seems to contain only bad / traumatic events of my entire life. I am 53 years old, and these memory downloads still happen. Except I do get the happy, funny, and other memory downloads but mostly as individual files (events) which can be good.
Maybe your brain is just trying to protect you and eventually it will let you have moment memories of that time period. Then more and more or it may just keep those files securely stored away.
I hope you can remember the good and happy memories.
thankyou for your reply Linda it makes a lot of sense for something that seems so senseless but this was 5 yrs ago and still nothing the dumb brain is still trying to deal with it over two years of my life is gone that it can't account for and that missing time I was awake and functioning..so I'm told, I've been able to compare it to hearing an old song that you haven't heard in a long time and it brings you back to a time and place or maybe somebody you where with there is some information (intellectual) surrounding it I have none of that there are 2 "snapshots" however and they are both emotionally charged and very very brief it's as if they where cut in half or never happened at all almost like a vague dream or fantasy thats at the edge of my finger tips but so far out of my grasp I can't touch it I know how this all sounds I have a hard time believing it myself but it just makes me feel better to talk about it instead of suppress it which would be a natural reaction and when family or friends would tell me something along that time frame I'd eagerly swallow all info and try to put it into some logistical timeframe that makes sense " little black boxes of time all lined up in a row" the brain is a very strange place to live I should visit more often and I do understand you fully and appreciate your reply many people in here have memory problems due to the rupture for the rest of their lives maybe mine just happend all at once but I'm afraid I'll never be able to remember, but there is always tomorrow that can bring new experiances and happy memories..and thank god I'll be around for that thankyou very much for sharing Linda I'm going to read your story now this is what is so cool about this website we can recieve and send support so we don't have to feel so alone thankyou again Linda for sharing...Dale
Hi Dana I had a great time in the early 70's killing brain cells unfortunately don't remember the 70,s very well either I'm told that I also had wierd hallucinations it just seems so wierd to have a little of 2 yrs of your life gone that you can't account for, so be it I quess we all end up with some sort of cross to bear but it is great to know that we can talk to each other here and help each other lighten the load, and yes Dana it does help more than any of us even realize sometimes to just be able to communicate with someone else put our thoughts and emotions down and not be criticized or looked at like we are less than whole or crazy and talking with people like yourself and others WE ALL become stronger by giving and getting support I've been going through my personal battles for about 7 yrs now and only been on here for about 5-6 maybe 7? mnths (don't know) dumb brain it just helps SO much to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE thanks for your reply Dana get strong,stay strong and help others..Dale
I thought of two other things more like alternative methods. Hypnotism, some people can be and some can't. First find a true and honest hypnotist. They may be able to help you find the missing time. Thinking this would require multiple sessions. First find out if you can be hypnotized before paying anything. I know with attorneys your first consultation is free. Don't know if the same would be true for hypnotists.
This one had very negative or positive implications back in the 1970's (?) when it came TM Transedental Meditation. However it has evolved from a type of "religion" to a more toned down form of mental relaxation. Meditation means different things to people based on their personal beliefs. You would have to research this to see if this would be acceptable to use. Do a search on how to meditate.
I don't know if anyone has tried either. Personally I used to use meditation before 2006. Then stopped as that was the year all strange health conditions started happening, but am considering starting again. It was deep relaxation but more for me. Considered hypnotism to quit smoking cigarettes, but if it worked I was afraid the sealed doors (the several I personally sealed) of bad memories would open.
Just be careful not to let trying to remember that time period become an obessession and take you out of the present.
Hello again Linda please don't misunderstand me I don't obesses on that period of time it just seemed so much longer than the other people's stories here many of us have different problems after a hemorage some physical some mental and I was trying to gauge where I fit in I remember TM wasn't real interested then and not now either my meditation is when I ride my harley the sensation of riding IN nature..not through it.. is so vibrent and alive like being one with nature the smells the colors the sounds fill my soul with calmness and joy and I rejoyce in that in this state ( new hampshire) nature's beauty heals all my inner wounds..I have been riding my harleys since the middle 70's in central cal. and many different states in between..that is my place of solitude,peace,joy and inner tranquility I don't do drugs or drink sober and straight for over 30 yrs now I also have very bad memories of being young I met my mother when I was 14 and only had about 10 conversations with my father and in 1971 lied about my age said I was 18 (only 15) got my own aptment paid my rent ,gas, elec,food, and survived on my own and finished high school besides working to take care of myself..now please don't think I'm any kind of hero or anything because I'm NOT I did alot of bad things had enough rope to hang myself and usally did the only standard thats been with me since I was young are my bikes and thats where I can go to meditate there is nothing in my past before I met my wife that I would like to revisit either I can agree with you on that sorry for being so long winded thankyou for thinking of me that is very kind of you and sounds like you are a very wise and considerate young lady please be good to yourself..maybe take some time and go sit in a patch of wild flowers in a field on a sunny day and soak it all in nature can and does heal us all