Lost and feel alone

I am lost and feel so alone. I know here I am not alone. Thank heavens I found here. My pcp sent me to new nuero dr to help manage my migraines. I can remember everything thing now just bits and pieces. I remember someone telling me I can not take aleve anymore. I don't know who or why but it was a Dr and it was after my annie burst. I can not take any of the triptin family of drugs due to sever vasospasms again cant remember who told me this. Yet this new dr whated to put me on a triptin and has given me a script for naproxen (aleve). When do you say enough is enough. I am 38 taking 9 pills a day (some of those are 2 times a day too) 3 pills as needed and if I actually did what the dr said 4 supplements for blood vessels and my brain. I am a stumbbling pharmacy. I have no energy. I have gained so much weight. I am completly miserable. The only thing that brings a smile to my face is my children. I cry alot I am so depressed. My husband was so supportive but I think he is at his breaking point. He cant put up with me anymore. I think he wishes I had died too. I just feel so LOST!!!!!!!

Hi VJ,

I sorry to read about your continuing plight with migraines. Since our previous conversations, awhile ago, I want to suggest you look into EEG Neurofeedback. My wife has similar symptoms as you and she has been undergoing this treatment now for about a year and it has helped tremendously. There for providers in your city. The best thing is that there are no pills at all. Your brain will do all the work and at the pace it wants to do it. If your willing to try this and It will help more then just your migraines I can give you the names of the providers in your area and it is covered by health insurance. I look forward to hearing from you. God Bless!


Hi VJ. I understand how you feel. I had migraines post surgery for last 2 years. I had to change jobs for something less demanding and felt like I spent most of my time in bed resting or recovering on my time away from work. I had pain relief but it didn't seem to help much. My neurosurgeon put me on topirimate which is an anti-epileptic but can be used for migraine prevention. It has a lot of side effects but I thought it was worth it to have no pain. It did help and reduced the severity and frequency of the migraines but after 7 months on it I took myself off it because I felt sedated all of the time. I also felt emotionally numb. I had a bad couple of weeks when I came off it but that settled. I feel better now. I recently had an MRA which showed I have had a good response to the surgery (endovascular pipeline stent) and my aneurysm is clotted and reduced significantly- it was 26mm. I have no other new features showing either. Since I had this scan result I have had NO migraines! Clearly some of my headaches were brought on by stress and anxiety! Maybe you are having similar problems. It is a viscious circle- you get a headache- you think something must be going wrong- your headache gets worse- you can't sleep- your headache gets worse- you are exhausted- your headache gets worse- you feel everyone is sick of you being ill- your headache gets worse. Do please discuss with your neurologist how you are feeling and your concerns about taking the tablets. At the moment the only thing that gives me a headache is over exertion at the gym. I am fighting this though and building up my stamina gradually. I am 2 yrs post surgery and I finally feel that I have come through the worst. Please don't give up hope- it does get better. Look for the positives, don't try too hard and listen to your own body and mind. xxx

I am so sorry for what you are going through and what you are feeling! I hope you have someone you can talk with in person about these things, maybe a minister or a counselor?

We all sink into holes of depression thinking about who we used to be and who we might be if only we hadn't had this problem. I've found sharing these feelings helps. I don't think my headaches were as bad as yours, but eventually, I stopped taking all meds except the seizure one because the side effects were worse than the headache. I'll share some advice that helped me: You have to stop beating yourself up about having an aneurysm. It wasn't your fault and it isn't fair. But this is the only life you are going to have now, so try to find things you can still do that make you happy (like your kids!) and focus on those. It helped me and I hope it helps you. Be kind to yourself. It's a rocky road, but it's an uphill road.

I highly doubt your husband wishes you died, VJ -- in fact, I'm sure he doesn't. It sounds like depression is shaping these as well as many of your feelings. Please pick up the phone and call your gp or your neuro and let them know your feelings and how much you are struggling with them. There is help for depression, and it may help with the pain and how you cope with it as well. If you should feel yourself in crisis, please call 1800 273-TALK.

VJ, I second what Dancermom reccomends, call your doctor and let him/her know how you feel. A year after my rupture I was still plagued by hypersensitivity and fatigue, it turns out that those are also symptoms of depression. A generic antidepressant has really helped me with those symptoms, helped me get sleep and helped my significant other see improvement in me as well.

When is enough enough is a hard question. But I think you answered it when you said "The only thing that brings a smile to my face is my children." That smile you get when you see them, that makes it worth it. It's a very long hard path to get to your new normal, the journey sucks but I promise the destination is worth it.

VJ - please talk to your neurosurgeon about what has been told to you as well as your PCP. I would let the doctors know immediately what is going on with you, these feelings may be a side effect. I have to write things down when the docs change my meds and why. There’s so many my body doesn’t like.

As for feeling lost, overwhelmed and alone, please, please see a therapist - your neurologist may be affiliated with one or know one who is knowledgeable with brain injuries. Do not let this get the best of you! Make goals for yourself, start small. My partner tells me any help is better than no help. I agree with Dancermom, I doubt your husband wishes you died. Remind yourself why you married each other, the joys of getting pregnant and having babies, things that you both share are still there, find them!

Open up communication with your husband. Perhaps he would feel comfortable joining the support group that’s on Facebook. It’s for Caregivers. The link is on the main page. Don’t get on it yourself as this should be his private place. My partner is still scared. We talk, not about the weather but about fears and independence. I wouldn’t wish me on anyone…work on the friendship,aspect of your marriage, treat him as you would your best friend.

But please get some help - start with calling the doc about medicines side effects, if that doesn’t help find a therapist to help you through this rough spot.

I understand your feelings. It was probably 2-3 months after my Annie burst before I was happy that they saved me. I haven’t even seen a neuro since I got out of the hospital, I don’t have insurance any more, no income. I live with my boyfriend. We had just started dating 10 days before the Annie. He has stuck by me, but I know what u mean. I could tell when he had reached his point and needed a break! He would never admit that though! Plus being depressed makes things seem different than they actually are! I am 5 months out from my rupture! I feel like I have gone over the hump! I’ve gone about 3-4 days in a row without crying! I think I’m gonna make it now.

Please talk to me if you need to, I really understand!

Lora - you are fantastic! Seeing a positive change is a great way to build our own self esteem. I’m really glad you shared this: “Plus being depressed makes things seem different than they actually are!” Keep up the good work:)

Hi VJ,

I'm so sorry you are not getting any relief from the migraines, but have hope, you WILL! My Dad's annie burst when he was 32; he came home in hospital bed and was unable to walk, feed himself, he had to start all over again. I was a year old; I don't remember him so debilitated; I only knew him as the guy who walked with the cane but could drive me to my school events, make me lunch, help with homework, etc. IT GETS BETTER, no matter how low you are right now. My annie burst 11 months ago, it was a long, long road. The mental part is way harder for me than the physical part; but I can relate when you say that you're tired of being a burden. Give yourself some time, be easy on yourself, and hound your doctor about solutions for the headaches. We're all here to vent to, and to listen, just check back in when you are able.

Hugs -Kelle