Is anyone trying to cope with denial?

I don't know why I"m going through this. Maybe because the health care system here seems to be very slow and because of that I"m beginning to feel that this 7 mm monster isn't really that big of a deal. I"m actually scared because I'm starting to not care about this diagnosis. Does this make any sense?? I keep hearing the same words in my head every day that I don't get the call from the hospital for my MRI appointment; "well if they aren't in a hurry then I guess there is nothing to worry about". I'm feeling very emotional right now and I'm not coping well with any of this apparently.

Any advice or anyone in a simliar state of mind?.

I might be having a bad day and I may regret saying this but I have to say it. The support is overwhelming that I"ve received so far. Perhaps I was expecting too much from an online community and if so I apologize but I don’t think this is the place for me.
Good luck to all of you and be well.

Hi Tina,

I hope you do stay with this site. Like Em, I am discovering I have to reach out and ask for help at times. I’ve never been one to ask for help from friends or family - just expected it, because they should know I need it! Crazy, because I usually would tell them, “I’m ok!” I’ve always been the strong one and tried to care for everyone else - but would forget about myself! My neurologist feels I’m still in denial - I think I go back and forth between denial and anger. I have changed my pcp twice now, as I don’t feel I’m getting the care that I need.

We’ve been through a life threatening experience and it can be very frightening and frustrating trying to deal with these feelings by ourselves. I do hope you’ll post again, here! Hang in there and know that my thoughts are with you! :slight_smile:

Em thank you. Your response provoked me to make a phone call this morning and for that I can’t thank you enough. The result of the phone call was “meant to be” as the booking clerk stated when she booked me in for MRI this coming Monday Oct. 11th at 7 A.M. I’m not sure where everyone is from but I live in Ontario and that just happens to be our Thanksgiving. Hmmmm… Apparently bookings for MRI’s are over 600 per month and that’s just at one hospital here in my hometown. WOW! There was a cancellation and because I am available upon short notice, I got the spot. Otherwise I could have been waiting approximately 3-4 weeks. So a big thank you Em!!
I had a very bad day yesterday and I do apologize to everyone for having a ‘temper tantrum’ . Thanks for your understanding. Tina

Carolyn sorry I’m very new to this; what does pcp stand for? You said that you have changed your pcp twice now.
Like you, I"m also the ‘strong one’, very much so and not used to reaching out and asking for help. I also don’t think I GET IT sometimes but I want everyone else to get it. Like I said I go back and forth, back and forth, from scared to do too much to, meh, I’m fine and the road ahead will end very soon because I’ll be told ooooops, we made a mistake. There wasn’t actually an aneurysm on your CT scan!
Thank you for replying and sharing your feelings, it means a lot. I know that I have my family, husband etc but I find that I’m needing to talk to people who have been here or are still here dealing with an unruptured monster. As Em pointed out, I do think I’m looking for validation or something. I’m just not sure why.

tina that is so great to hear,and what a coincedence,glad to know your going to be able to get in and have this done,keep us posted…chin up…will keep you in my prayers…michelle-n-texas…

em that is so true,i think we, i mean i am wanting people to understand the severity of what happened and remember to appreciate everthing,also to take nothing for granted,i go around my children who have went back to the way they always act,which is not bad its just sometimes i want them to see how lucky i was to survive…but i know its mainly me,they tell me they love me everyday,my husband…who would hang the moon for me,im very lucky to have whats right in front of my eyes,but its also good to hear “im glad you made it thru” i hope it doesnt sound selfish…but i have to remember my family looked at me like the thread that holds our family quilt together…the “strong one” so i dont need that reinforcement every now and then…but i have to remind them…im only human and its nice to hear that your loved and appreciated…had we never went thru having an anny i dont know if i would feel this way,but i did and im a survivor for me and my family and our love should be stronger than ever…not too much to ask…stepping off my soapbox now…lol…imgonna be keeping you in my prayers…your gonna be fine…

WOW…I cant put it any better than what has been said, except I live with a few ingrates who feel that I should not ‘tell every pain and ache’ they KNOW I have aneurysms.

LOL Em…Christmas shopping doesn’t really get going until November…of course you always have your early birds though!
P.S cant thank you enough for your first post that prompted me to get my rear in gear and start being heard!! :slight_smile:

Thanks Michelle. I’m so glad to be going in on Monday morning. What a relief. I will keep you all posted, you can count on that! :slight_smile:

Sandra that has to be more than frustrating. I’m very sorry that you going through this because what you need is SUPPORT. I know this has been said before but I’m going to say it again anyway. We seem to look fine on the outside but we are far from fine! My GP still seems to think there is more going on with me. Labrynthitus was diagnosed early Sept. the constant headaches lead them to sending me for a CT scan when the aneurysm was found. I’m always being told, “dont think any of your problems are because of the annie, we feel there is something else going on as well”. Oh boy, your “thinking” truly brings me so much comfort. Grrrr Sandra you do what you have to do and if that’s to tell your "ingrates’ about every ache and pain then so be it! Keep strong.

The health care system IS slow…DON’T be upset with yourself…We have ALL been there/ARE there. There is not even a specialist in my state…(Mississippi) I have been going to LA). I STAY emotional & I know what ‘triggers’ me…(& sometimes can’t avoid the triggers, which REALLY gets frustrating…) I PRAY. I didn’t cause or help this to happen to me. Therefore I just deal the best I can.

hi tina I’am also new to this site. I guess your test is done please let us know what’s up next for you I know the health system is slow but hang in there I’am also from a small town and northern ont and had to go to ottawa yearly to have mine checked I have been doing this for 4 years it’s a wait and see game.the first year I had one small one then the next year two now I just came back from ottawa and I have one 5mm one 3.5 and a new one only 2mm and they said they are small so it still a wait and see game. I just don’t know what to do Iam petty scared. I love this site I don’t feel alone with this problem

I lived in Canada for a couple yrs & their Thanksgiving IS quite different, Of course they didn’t have Pilgrams & Indians either. Not sure, really, & apologies to Canadian friends…they don’t DO a lot of THANKS giving.

Hi Colette, yes the MRI was done and my results came back showing a 8mm aneurysm on the middle cerebral artery in the frontal lobe. My CT scan said 7mm so I don’t know if this means that is grew in the 2.5 weeks between scans or what. Anyway, I have an appointment with a nurosurgeon Nov. 18th here in my city. I’m hoping to get a lot of answers that day. I don’t understand why I’m seeing a surgeon here but yet they won’t do the surgery here??

I’d be scared too if I was made to do the wait and see game. I’m hoping that won’t be the case with me but you never know. So you have not undergone any surgery as yet I"m assuming? Are they not wanting to get at the 5mm? 4 yrs is a long time to have this weight on your shoulders Colette, hats off to you for dealing with this for so long!

I agree, when I talk to people on this site, I don’t feel alone and I feel as though people really do understand. Does anyone go to the chat room?


I’ve never been to the chat room. I’d have to be after 5:45 M-Sat & 7 on Sunday because I’m in ‘assisted living’ (tho with my own PC) & we eat EARLY, EVERY one here is OVER 70 but me. I am 57.

I’d like VERY MUCH to know. Would someone please E me? I will have it next to me that way!

■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ (aka sILVER bELLE) yES tHAT wAY!!

hi tina yes it is a long time I do understand that if it is under 7 mm it would be best to wait. the two largest annies one on the left and one on the right very deep in the circle of wills in my brain hard to get to and if operated I could have brain damage.(lost of remembering people ect).the new one is 2mm and on the communicating artery which I learned by reading on this web site that even if small it could be a problem, the report also said that there is a probable aneurysm a little small then 2mm on the other communicating artery.“crazy” I try not to talk about it and when I do no one wants to hear about it so I just keep it to myself.I think my family thinks if it’s not talked about it’s not really there.I can understand I wish I could forget about it to.I know that they want the best for me and just don’t know how to handle it all. I will just carry on the best I can I just found out about the other two so I will need time to get ues to of luck to you colette

Colette it sounds like you’re having a tough time of it. I know all of us in this position are experiencing a lot of the same things but it isn’t helpful to you if you don’t feel that you can talk about it with your family. I mean, I understand that they must be scared but pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t help you. I’m sure that they do want the best for you and finding themselves in a supportive role for a loved one is tough all it’s own but you must be able to lean on them, tell them how you’re feeling and allow yourself to talk about this. I’m just sayin and I really hope that that’s exactly what you’ll be able to do. I’ve tried to forget about it too but I don’t think that’s going to happen.
Do you have any symptoms Colette?

I’d like to be able to chat as well…lets get the ball rolling and see if anyone else is up for it!

call them, we are just all numbers to some of these doctors luckly i had a great one .bug them ttell them you are having a hard time with this and it is a bbig deal ask them to give you something for anxity,i know i spelled it wrong i cant remember anything anymore good luck bug them its your life linda