How hard it is to continue life after losing my husband of 21 years to 2 ruptured brain aneurysms

Hello,

Well it’s a New Year and the holidays are behind us. I’m having such a hard time dealing with everyday life. My friends just say get over it life goes on. That really doesn’t sit to well with me. I loved him dearly and he loved me. I don’t believe for one minute he was ready to go. He had too much love for me people and life. I know everything happens for a reason just as hard as I try I can’t find the reason.

I’m angry so sad depressed scared as hell for what the future hold for me without him.

Angry advice would be very appreciated.

Thank you for reading this and listening to me.

Tracy

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I personally don’t believe in „everything happens for a reason“. There are a lot really heartbreaking things and looking for a reason often doesn’t help. Your feelings are valid! There is no time stamp for grief. Take as much time as you need. What helps me in my own grieving journey is taking long walks, talking about it with loved ones and taking moments to fully think about my dad and allowing me to cry and feel sad.

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Hi Tracy,

I am so very sorry for your loss. The pain you are currently enduring is tremendous and sometimes unimaginable. I am so very sorry.
Be patient with yourself and your feelings. This will be a long and hard road, but it will get better and you will find joy again one day.
Every day that you choose to get up and do something small for yourself is progress. Hang in there. Yours was a love to revere and remember.
Renée

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Tracy, Personally, I don’t think one can just “get over it” when it comes to losing a life partner. Everything we do has our partners included in our life and then they are not anymore. The way we deal with grief is usually how we learned it in childhood, sometimes early adulthood if we haven’t had to endure the loss of a loved one or seen our parents deal with one. Sometimes that comes to us with a break up, a loss of a beloved pet, perhaps the loss of a relative. For those here who have ruptured, it could be the loss of our perception of ourselves. The one thing that is constant is we have to learn to handle grief.

We all have to go through the different stages of grief, in no particular order. Exercising does help if you are able. Talking helps immensely. See if Hospice in your area has a free grief counseling service. If you’re able to return to work, that may help as well. Many people find relief in journaling. Some can find relief in a hobby or starting a new one. Joe recommended a book he read here Trying to control anxiety

Thank you very much for your guidance and just talking to me. This is the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever been through. My father was murdered in 2002 in broad daylight in Orange County CA. It’s still to this day an unsolved homicide. I tried every second of everyday to figure out who killed my father he was a prominent businessman and was only 57. My mother had kept warning me to stop digging into what happened because at first it was listed as an accident . I knew it wasn’t so everyday I hounded and hounded the police which lead to them coming and threatening me and than putting me in jail. I was in jail over and over so I could not pursue my father’s killer.

Anyways Tony’s death has hit me so much harder. Like I said it’s been a little over a month and I should just be over it. It’s not happening . I alone at night and in the mornings suffer so much. I want him back NOW. I know that’s selfish of me that’s just how I feel. I know he would not have wanted to live with a feeding tube a urine and poop bag so he himself is now at peace, myself no where near that. The one thing I remember you saying is death is not for the living it’s for the dead. The living suffer. It gets me through some of my days so I don’t feel so so alone.

God bless all of you who have written to me and tried to help me through this awful time.

Thank you,

Tracy

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I am so very sorry for your losses. Your husband was a big part of your life and there is no timetable for grief. All you can do is carry him in your heart and y’all’s memories in your head. Sending prayers.

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Today is the four-month anniversary of Sheri dying from a ruptured aneurysm. This has been the absolute worst experience of my life. I sometimes think that I am starting to recover then an instant later, it is like I have not even started the grieving process.

Finding support groups is not easy; they are very helpful but can be overwhelming at times. One seems to have to go through hell, and stay there for a while, before much recovery can happen. I think that I am going to be there for a looooong time.

I have found a couple of groups. Now that I know, when somebody asked me what they could do, I think I would have asked them to help me find a group for widowed people or at least one that works with people who lost a loved one. Something else they could do: just hold you while you cry. The rule would be that they cannot say anything; there is nothing that they can say.

I know what it is like. I wish that I could help more. There are a lot of us who have been there, and are there, and we fill Olympic-sized swimming pools with our tears. I understand. It is very, very hard. I wish knew why it is so hard.


Joe

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Tracy, You have experienced an awful lot of trauma in your life. I suspect more than most could handle and remain sane. I’ve responded to many fatalities and none are easy. It seems there’s no rhyme nor reason for another to commit murder, yet there often is, if someone digs deep enough. Though I hold law enforcement in high esteem, they don’t like anyone interfering with their investigations and it can be a tight rope act to garner the information we want or need. They and the courts have their job cut out for them and then one has to figure in the politics of the DA’s office with the plea bargains that are made.

Tony could no more control the fates of life than you, despite the enormous amount of love you both had for each other. What you can do is honor his memory, talk about him to us or the people who you hold dearest to you. I imagine his friends are also grieving and people never know the correct thing to say it seems. Get angry, have a good cry, live each day so you will make it to the next the best you can. Don’t forget to laugh at all the silly memories that will pop up. Set one goal each day.

Thank you for your knowledge and your kind words. I wait everyday for people to respond to my posts. It brightens my day and helps me so much to get through this.

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Don’t forget we are a support group that is world wide and it can take awhile for members to respond. I had to learn to limit my time on here, so I’m on in the early mornings and then do my chores. The one I do before anything else is make my bed. It gives me a sense of accomplishment.

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Thank you

So sorry for your loss. When I almost passed away from my 33 mm anuerysm I was sad that my life was ending. I’m a Christian and trust Christ as my savior. But I was sad. For some reason God allowed me to continue… I’m thankful. I don’t know why yet. Feel he may have something else fro me to do. I’m a father of 5 grown children and 12 grandchildren so far. We make our plans and God lovingly chuckles. Glad you were able to find love in life. Some people never do. Hope it get easier with time​:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2:

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Sry for ur loss. All u can do is take one day at time. It is hard to do sometimes but u sound like a strong person from what you have already been though. My prayers are with you.

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Tracy, My Heart! I can not even begin to imagine how you are feeling! You have my Heart! Please know that the feelings never die, that the love goes on! In the end that is all it is ever about… the love and beauty you both shared! Remember the good times, the laughter especially during those times when you can’t seem to find the floor not to mention the next gasp of air! Please keep this in mind, your husband would not want you to stop living! Live for him! Continue to explore, love , and laugh in this world! Write it down to remind yourself so that when you meet again, you will be able to recount the wonderful things you did in HIS honor! Embrace Life with every fiber in your being! Love never ends!

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Thank you, that means a lot.

Dear Tracy, I’m so sorry for your loss - you’ve been through so much, it’s hard for me to even imagine, but I do know that one month is no time at all, and I know that this type of loss is not something you “get over”. Maybe, after time, you make a type of peace with it, or at least find a way to continue and develop your own life alongside the loss you feel. It’s important to take as much time as you need to feel all your feelings and allow them to be expressed. I’m sorry your friends don’t seem to be allowing you the time for this that you need, maybe talking to a counsellor or taking up a new physical activity or creative project would help you to work through those feelings? I agree with Renee, about choosing to get up and do something for yourself each day and I hope you can find your way to this. sending love to you, Vicky

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