Hi again
My family and I have the heartwrenching decision to put mum in a nursing home due to her blindness and her short term memory loss. She requires around the clock 1.1 twenty four hour care and a I couldn't sustain it on my own Mum gets angry that we have put her in a nursing home so young as she thinks she is ok and can look after herself. She doesn't realise how poorly she is. On the plus side we can get her whenever we need and deep down I know she is in safe hands. I keep torturing myself that i have abandoned mum and the guilt is tearing me apart. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Melanie, this is a very hard decision. My partner’s family had to make the decision for Granny and Dad. We had to update Mom’s vehicle so she could make it to the VA Home but Dad didn’t make it. Granny had Alzeimers and was able to be put closer to Moms home. It boils down to doing what is safest for our loved ones. It is by no means a selfish decision. Perhaps your mum can have some more intensive rehab while in round the clock nursing care. In the States, there are rehabilitation/convelescent hospitals, some provide this type of specialized care. I would suggest you and your family visit frequently. The staff will get to know you and the more you visit, the more personalized care staff will give your mom. Please don’t beat yourself up over doing what is best for everyone.
I agree with Moltroub, Melanie. Please don't second-guess yourself. Your mom is receiving the care she needs. You can visit and still support and have a relationship with her. There is no abandonment here.
Hi Melanie. I'm sorry you are having to make such a difficult decision. I had to make that decision several years ago for an ex-neighbor elderly couple (one at a time several years apart starting with the wife who had an inoperable brain tumor). Has the nursing home scheduled a management plan meeting yet? If not, this is after they have completely evaluated her and set up a meeting with everyone involved, including your mom. (I hope that they do these in London).
On the hopeful side, she is probably where she needs to be right now. I was able to move another man I knew from the nursing home after 1 year and into an assisted living facility after they had initially told us that he could never live outside a nursing home.
Taking care of someone who is not ambulatory is very difficult to do at a residence and is virtually impossible to most people. I hope that she realizes at some point that she cannot live on her own now. My mother took care of her father for several months when he was not ambulatory and I was over there a lot helping. In the end, it threatened her health and the doctors insisted he go to a nursing home. I will repeat what Moltroub and Dancermom said - you have not abandoned your mom. She is getting the care she needs right now.