Could I have saved my dad?

I didn't call 911 until it was too late. My dad was laying on the floor breathing hard. He had these breathing attacks in the past but they would go away in 2-3 hours. He said his head hurt. He had never said that before. How was I supposed to know that something had burst in his brain? I should have tried harder. I'm the reason why he died. If I had called 911 as soon as he said his head hurt, maybe he'd still be here. I watched him dying on the floor and did nothing about it until it was too late. If I had called sooner, the damage to his brain wouldn't be so extensive. He could have made a recovery.

I should have made more an effort to get him to lower his blood pressure. I should have forced him into stopping smoking. He didn't deserve to die. He was the last person this should have happened to.

Please just tell me the truth. I want to know so I can live with this guilt for the rest of my life knowing I could have saved my dad and I didn't.

I think the truth is that you will never know what the outcome would of been if you had called 911 faster..."would of" and "I should of" will eat you alive (I know this from experience) need to come to terms with this. Please don't let this consume can't force someone to do something that they don't want to do - like stop smoking or controlling his bp - he was a grown man that made his own decisions. I am truly sorry that you lost your Dad...please know it does get easier as time passes.

Hi ... please know...that no one can stop some one from smoking, lowering their Bp, etc., that is an individual person's take that guilt far as not calling 911 can't blame yourself, you were going about things like a past situation...your dad wouldn't want you to hold this guilt...he would want you to live life...all of us who have suffered from Brain aneurysm's want you to embrace life...that is what it is all about...and if nothing you can learn from this incident by being the best person you know how to be...if you continue to have the guilt it will eat you alive and do a counselor and talk out your feelings...and embrace the good times with your dad...Prayers out to you ~ Colleen

I fully agree with Mary. I still have thoughts of “what if” and "should’ve and could’ve, but i constantly remind myself I can’t think like that. Your dad would never want you to live with that kind of guilt. You did what you thought was right, don’t second guess yourself now. Your in my thoughts and prayers… is said well here likely know if he had sought med care / diagnosis following his earlier breathing attacks...

You may want to view the Groups...for any on Bereavement /other verbiage...possibly to your minister/priest/church support groups...Many people are gone...for numerous reasons / causes...

In my recovery time, I have lost so many from cancers to polycystic kidney disease, to AD, to other...we all go thru so much in losses over time...two who are yet in recovery of cancer in a center for AD and one for Parkinson's...Our survival conditions to our losses...are only unique by the small numbers...and, the recent (last decade?) info coming out on aneurysms...brings us to share so much... Prayers for your comfort level to include staying in touch with us...


Thank you for the replies everyone. It just hurts so much, and I knew that one day this could happen but I just didn't think it could ever be this soon.

I did what I could for him and I know that now, but I still have so many unanswered questions. If there was even a chance he could have not be crippled to a point where he'd still want to live, I need to know. This guilt has been destroying me.

My dad had tests on him done about a year ago after the breathing attacks started. All the doctor gave him was a useless inhaler and some Nitrostat pills. He'd used them both once an attack would occur and they would do nothing to help, it would just go away on its own. I'm not even sure that he knew about the aneurysms beforehand, but if he did, he never once mentioned the severity of the situation to me. Why would he keep something like that from me?

As soon as he said his head was hurting, was that when the rupture occured? Does a severe headache indicate a rupture is bound to occur, or has already happened? If it hadn't happened yet, I still could have saved him. I can't just not blame myself for what happened. I didn't want this for my dad.

How soon after a rupture can a stroke occur? Or is it simultaneous? The neurologist said that the stroke is what caused his brain to show so little activity. If you receive medical attention soon enough and there is not too much blood leaking from the rupture, you can still be saved, correct?

The doctors never told me how big the aneurysm that ruptured was, does that have a factor in it?

If there was even a slight chance that my dad could still be alive, how will I ever be able to move on with my life knowing I could still have my dad in it?

No, no, no....there is no way in the world you would've or could've known that this was happening. Bottom Line. Do not blame your self ! As Mary said, there is no way you can force someone to stop smoking , to control their blood pressure, this is not the case with anyone and has never been the case! This was your dad, you telling him how to run his life would not have worked out too well for you or him or your relationship. You could NOT have 'saved' your father.....You do need to come to terms with this, and you need to realize that this isn't your fault nor is it anyone elses fault.

There is one thing you should do for yourself , and I think your dad would agree, and that is to get scanned for potential aneurysms. I doubt seriously that your dad even knew he had an aneurysm, it sounds to me like he didn't have any idea . a lot of people have no warnings of headaches or anything at all, they just rupture -- and I'm sure this whole thing has left you with questions, but please know there is no way you could've stopped this from occuring. And no, one cannot always be saved after an anuerysm ruptures, many people do die from their ruptures regardless of what type of medical care they get or how quickly they get it.

You have to get past the 'what if's' and continue onward with your life, i'm sure your dad wouldn't want it any other way.

Peace to you in what is a trying time....Janet