*Note from ModSupport: *
Sketchyblonde is our newest member, and she has suffered a tragic and traumatic life event. Her “Ode to Kevin” is a beautifully crafted chronicle of her tragedy.
You may want to read her profile before proceeding. All you have to do is click on her avatar (turquoise circle with a white “S”) or on this tag >> @sketchyblonde
Seenie from ModSupport
An Ode to Kevin
I used to lay there sometimes listening to you snore
It sounds so weird but it made me feel ok
Until i couldnt hear you and my stomach would drop
I would poke you lightly, telling you to breath
Id open my eyes wide as i look at you
Trying to hint, do what i do
just in through your nose very loud inhale
out through your mouth loud exhale
Then youd start to snore again
And it would lull me to sleep as i wrap you in my arms
I thought you caught me one time
When i looked up and you were looking back
Dont judge me i said its my biggest fear
To have someone i care about stop breathing when there sleeping
With no one to help them remember how to breath
i do the same thing with my mom i said
Just like i dont know what i would do with out her
I cant even think about what i would do with out you
So suck it up your stuck with me for as long as i can have you.
Your looked at me with a smile on your face
i think you like me i do like you a lot so much it scares me
And then i kissed you and said so how many games did we lose before you fell asleep
Just kidding as i snatched your phone out of your hand and give you a couple more kisses cause i couldnt help it.
The last day i saw you i walked in and you were laying there underneath a blanket
And you looked so cold so i tried to start the fire
But i have no patience and figured meh body heat works faster
As i stood up taking off my jacket you asked me “who are you?”
I looked at you funny and said kelsey “do i know you?” uhm ya you do
Forgetting for a second that you sometimes talk in your sleep
Asking you to move over cause im getting in .
I cant remember how many times you asked those questions
But i answered each one.
I wrapped my arms around you and you said someones not going to like this
I said what,?” theres this girl i really like and shes not going to like you being in my bed
what s her name i asked to which you replied kelsey i smiled and said she wont be mad
You were like i dont know…. Trust me she wont be mad. To which your response was to wake up and say im so cold i cant get warm as you put your arms around me holding me so tight
Did you want me to light the fire
“It makes my head hurt too much”
Awww honey did you want some tylenol i have some in the car i ask giving you kisses all over your face
I took some it didnt help its never hurt this bad before i puked.
Sometimes i get headaches like that when im laying down but when i stand up its manageable.
But maybe we should go to the hospital
I said it four more times and then you fell asleep in that funny way you do
And stupid me thinking maybe im over reacting as i put another blanket on you
And listen to you sleep its okay hes snoring everything is ok i thought
i ll just sit here to make sure your remember how to breath
But then i guess i fell asleep because all i remember is waking up to silence
Hurriedly putting my hand on your back and my ear to your chest
I could have sworn i felt you breathing
I could have sworn i heard your heart beating
I remember thinking kelsey calm down sometimes he doesnt snore
He must have moved his head or something
But when i woke up the next morning to nothing but silence i jumped out of bed
And tried to wake you up kevin wake up kevin i kept saying why arent you responding
Im going to start hitting you kevin kevin. I moved the hood of your sweater off of your face and slowly pushed on your shoulder asking you to respond please respond i dont know why it didnt register that just pushing on someones Shoulder shouldn’t move there whole body or with the way you were laying there was no way you would have been able to breathe but then i saw your face and started yelling warrens name as im grabbing your phone and dialing 911 and running to his place i couldnt stop saying his name ……. Listening to the paramedic telling me to lay you on your back and how to give you chest compressions and to count with him 1234 1234 1234 1234
I hate myself so much its hard for me to breath.
I only knew you for 13 months
Loved you as a friend for 10 months
And knew you were it for me i loved you so much. At 6 months