Hello, I’m new here. 7 years ago on April 1st I had a brain aneurysm rupture. I am blessed that I have no side effects and I’m alive. With this blessing comes anxiety and the constant fear it’s going to happen again. I go every 3 years to my neurologist and he’s one of the top in the country. My next appointment is in May and my nerves are overwhelming. I’m scare that he will find something, or worse, I’ll have another and die. I have been wondering why I survived when I know of 2 women in the last 3 months that have died. I have no one to talk to that can understand this fear. I’ve searched out a group that maybe able to understand the constant fear. When I’m working out and get the slightest pain in my neck or head I panic and think it’s happening again. I feel like I’m wasting the life that was given to me by worrying so much. I don’t take anything for anxiety daily because I don’t want anything to fog my brain an give me the allusion that something is wrong. I want to know is anyone else going through this or is it just me?
Welcome to our group Mshanny! I think anxiety of another rupture is pretty normal. Even members who haven’t ruptured feel anxiety that they may rupture. I also think anxiety can be controlled. I think we ruptured the same year. 2013?
The things I do is not dwell on it. Sure there are days that slap me and say I need to slow down a bit. And I’m not able to do the things I once did, but I keep trying. I keep my glass half full, always. I practice relaxation breathing religiously, numerous times a day, so much, I don’t even have to think about it.
I really focus on what I can and cannot control. I don’t know why some of us survive and others don’t. I’m not sure the doctors even know. It could be the level of bleeding we experience, or it could be other factors like how soon we got to the hospital, or how well we listen to our bodies to know something is definitely wrong. Perhaps those of us survive have a little more fight. Maybe it’s as some members may believe, it just wasn’t our time.
Never, ever fell guilty for surviving is all I can suggest. When folks I meet say they had a friend or relative that died from a ruptured aneurysm, I say that death sucks. I’ve only known one person who asked me why I survived and their relative did not, and I had no answer for them, so my answer was “got no clue”. Most folks are amazed that we survive and are very supportive when they’ve had someone who didn’t. Perhaps it’s the advancement of medical technology that has kept us here. As you can tell, I still don’t have an answer. But I don’t feel that it’s in my area of control.
I can control my behavior and how I act and react to things in my life. And those are things I do focus on. I focus on the little things that I feel are presents from the Universe so to speak. I went in for my fourth repair this week For two days before I went in, I was gifted with birds in the garden that we don’t normally see. With four hawks catching the winds directly above our patio, deer that came closer than usual despite the dogs…things that are personally life affirming for me. Those are things I focus on each and every day. And I try to be kind to others, though this one sometimes eludes me, like living my life, I keep trying.
Please keep in touch, we all help each other with our journeys here.
Moltroub
Thanks so much for your response. It’s nice to have others that understand. My husbands aunt had 3 aneurysms and I have another friend who has 2 large ones. But both of them haven’t went through having them rupture.
Mine was in 2013 and for months I would wake up in the night and go to the hospital thinking it was happening again. I found out I was having panic attacks. I had never had them like this before. I have triggers that can cause them and I try to stay away from those.
It seems like it’s been a long road. I’m glad you’re doing better also. Once I get to the Neurologist and have my scan I’ll feel a weight lifted for a couple years. I think after this appointment I will go to every 5 years for my follow ups, which I don’t like.
I’m glad I have the gym and my family.
I’m for sure here also if anyone else needs an ear.
Thanks,
Margo
I am 4 years into my unruptured aneurysm dear and I am having the anxiety issues as well. You are not alone. Glad you joined the group. You can get good support here. I don’t write often but I do much reading. I do get up and down days but I rely on reading the input here and my family a lot. Hang in there. There are herbal products out there to help just do some research and talk to your doctor. God bless you dear.
For a long time after my rupture, I had no emotions, no tears, no laughter, and there were some family deaths that happened during this time. I think it was my brain trying to protect itself but I had a good bit of damage with my rupture. It was odd, to know I should feel something and not have those pathways opened to me. I think I got them back with the 3rd coiling, but not right away. Apparently, I was still having vasospasms
When I finally made it to my “don’t need to see you for 2 years” mark, it was exciting and scary at the same time. These folks, the Neurosurgeon and her team, had become a very important part of my life. With the new coils and stent she put in Friday, I guess I have to start the count over again.
I certainly understand why you don’t want your brain to be in a fog. I don’t ever want to go back to having no emotions. A couple of years ago, I got into a hornets nest and then we had a woman hit by a car early the next morning in front of our house. I woke up to the “thump”. She didn’t fall down into the yard until she saw the lights to the emergency vehicles. She was okay. But I lost my words, tremor went into both hands and I was a mess. I had to try to get the police to understand the guy who clipped her with his side mirror didn’t hit our mailbox, it had been a huge tractor the week before. Oddly enough, I had made a police report when the tractor hit it. We have had to replace a lot of mailboxes, and I guess I was tired of it. Anyhow, the neurologist I saw for one time put me on some medicine for anxiety and my brain didn’t want to register emotions again. The next time I went to see him, there was a new neurologist who took me off it immediately and said to use it only if I couldn’t get things back under control in three days or so. My go to’s are deep breathing and chamomile tea, sometimes a good book or some coloring, yard work is always relaxing to me.
One day, I will be where you are and not have to see my Neurosurgeon and her team for five years! I’m really looking forward to it.
Hope you are doing well. I had a ruptured brain aneurysm in June of 2018. I still have a few physical shortcomings, vision/balance, but for the most part, I’ve adjusted. I find it difficult to have emotional connections. While, thankfully, I don’t have anxiety about my injury reoccurring; I do find it challenging to have a purpose when things are emotionally numb. Some days it can be incredibly overwhelming and anxiety-producing. Regardless, anxiety is going to be part of the recovery process. It’s universal. I think it’s important to be able to recognize when it’s overwhelming, be able to take a step back, and put everything into perspective. Having other people to speak with has been helpful. I wish I had more specific answers, but I can certainly confirm you are not alone in feeling anxious.
Mshanny,
We haven’t heard from you for a while. How are you doing? The members who responded to your post would love to know, I’m sure.
You are far from the only one who feels what you do! Here’s an article that you may find interesting reading. Let us know what you think about it!
Have you tried the search engine here? 
Try entering the keyword “Anxiety” and see what comes up … that might tell you something!
Hang in there!
Seenie
MsHanny may be in seclusion, I hope. I visit there often and chill. My friends understand, the ones that don’t understand aren’t my friends. Just try not to hang around in there too long. It can get very comfortable. I ruptured in 2019, on Valentine’s Day. Then on March 5, 2020 I went in for my 2nd follow-up and the aneurysm was gone. Doc said he would see me in 5 years for a MRI. I got a call from his office the other day, he wants a CT scan on neck and head. I told them what he had said, they checked and called back. I go on Wednesday. Anxiety, I’m thinking about changing my name to Anxiety. I am short tempered. My head hurts constantly. I can’t go out of the house. I stand at the top of the stairs terrified. I have a neurological breathing problem. I can’t breath and walk or breath and talk at the same time. For reasons I won’t rant on involving inefficient medical personnel, I have had 1 appointment with my pulmonologist and it took 16 months to get it. I have had 5 tests done in December and my next appointment in May. One day, one step and slow down my pace. If I go any slower, I will be crawling; literally on the floor. I just have 3 more months and the puzzle will be put together. I don’t know if that’s optimistic or delusional. And still waiting after 13 months of dieting and haven’t lost an ounce. No dietician or neurologist around here. PCP just says he’s worried about my weight. Well, so am I. That’s not helping. He has been trying to convince me that I am depressed. I gave in this time and after the 3rd day on an anti-depressant they hit the trash can and will stay there. I have a daily headache I have accepted as part of my life, the medication made it feel like my head was going to explode, my central apnea readings went out of the world and I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning for that joy. He’s just going to have to accept I’m not going to come skipping into his office happy as a lark. Depression, anxiety, PTSD… the only difference is the medications they try to numb you with. The pain in my back, the headache, we can’t give you anything to ease pain. Arghhhh… Did somebody ask about anxiety?
Mary, Did I mention I lost absolutely no weight whilst in ICU for 26 days? Most of our members lose a lot of weight while in ICU. Call your surgeon back and ask him to do the MRA that looks at the pituitary gland. It’s only a couple more minutes, if that. Explain the weight issue you’re having and you’d like to know if there’s something on or around the pituitary gland. Maybe he will do it. I have a pituitary adenoma that my Neurosurgeon watches. But it explains the weight issues I have had, even the one when I couldn’t gain the weight the USN wanted me to back decades ago. In the meantime, Kentucky can sure have some rural areas. I’ve driven through it a few times. My Aunt and Uncle used to live in Ft. Thomas. I did a quick search and found this Kentucky Nutritionists and Dietitians - Nutritionists and Dietitians Kentucky - Nutrition and Diet Kentucky
I did the same search on the same site for RNDs and found only one listed in our county of about 160,000. The one I used to see wasn’t listed, so it might be something they have to pay for. Here’s a couple other ideas…ask your doctor as they may know of someone. Call your local hospital. There are always dietitians at hospitals no matter how small and that person might be able to point you in the right direction. Check near by colleges/universities (the 4 yr type is where I would start). I mention universities because that’s where I had to reach out for OT. Can you believe we have none that work outside our two hospitals for adults! But they train them at the one university in our county and a professor was willing to work with me, for free. Foolishly I forgot to call back after one of my procedures and helping out my parents. Check with your insurance. I have Medicare as I’m not able to work. They have a list of RDNs under my plan. Some do virtual visits and my guess all of them can and would be willing with the pandemic. If you want, PM me the city or town you live in and I can help do a search for you.
All the best,
Moltroub
Hello everyone, things have been very busy. We are selling and buying a home and dealing with every day things I haven’t had much time to get back here. I appreciate the outpour if support. I was doing really well, working out, meditating and then We started the process of buying and selling the house and the stress sent me into a panic attack the other night. It’s odd, once all inspections were signed off on and all the hard part was over I had this attack. My follow up with my Neurosurgeon is May 12th and I always think they’re going to find something so I start to psych myself out feeling pains in my head. I don’t think they’re actually there it’s my mind tricking me.
I’m going to get back to meditation and I’ve been going to the gym. But I have been having some dizzy spells so that bothers me.
Thanks again for reaching out to me! 
Perhaps the anxiety attack came because you could finally relax and all the work hit you. I am having the same thing going on, so I will definitely watch out for that, thanks for the warning! I’m glad you’re back and you’ve reached a point in the real estate transactions that you can breathe a little. I fear I’m going to get a bit overwhelmed with all the packing. Hopefully we can get rid of a bunch of stuff!
All the best,
Moltroub
We don’t move move until May 3rd so we have a bit of time to move. Good luck with your move!! It’s both exciting and stressful. 
Yes ma’am and thank you! We just found out yesterday that we might have to do a survey. 58 acres will take a bit of time
I just sent you a DM and then my phone rang and my creatine level is high. I take one 325 aspirin per day for blood thinner. It’s apparently going to wreck havoc on my kidneys.
I was reading about the thyroid nodule and everything was going along fine until they got to the scarless method of taking the nodule out. Nope, nope, nope. I had to have an endarterectomy on my right carotid artery so I already look like a bar room fighter so slice away another scar on my neck is fine compared to them going in through an incision on the inside of my lower lip. I guess not being vain has its advantages. I can’t even imagine the pain involved in cutting into the lower lip.
And I have until June 1st to get this all taken care of. My other half is going to have back surgery June 1st. I can’t imagine. I have 11 ducks and a 122 pound pitbull to take care of, along with him. And I can’t walk to my back door without being out of breath, let alone make it to the duck house and back. Wonder if they’ll like cottage cheese and eggs. I have 2 who have started collecting their eggs up and have started semi sitting. If they are like the other 2 that hatched, they will start brooding in the next few weeks. Just what I am going to need… baby ducks. Why would I expect anything less?
I am rolling with laughter Ms. Mary! You’ve got your hands full for sure. If we lived close by and you had goats, I’d rent a couple to clear the woods.
When I had lower back surgery to fix the Cauda Equina it wasn’t near as debilitating as the foot surgery. With the back surgery, my doc wanted me walking ASAP making it much easier to tend to myself. I did need some help wiping my arse due to the back brace. I couldn’t get my arm in the right position. I had a walker for a short bit of time so make sure there’s a clear path to all the necessary places. With foot surgery, I had to have a wheelchair.
I use an enteric aspirin but won’t have to be on the 325 mg forever. I think Ms. Ryann said six months. I just finished the 12 weeks of Plavix and the bruising isn’t near as bad as it was while on it! I didn’t know aspirin could muck up kidneys, I knew it could muck up your stomach which is why the push for acetaminophen came into play decades ago. They didn’t know the risk of that on the liver until later. Had to look up creatinine levels. Mom was a diabetic so they always checked hers but I forgot about it. I found this What Do High Creatinine Levels Mean? | Fresenius Kidney Care
I cannot imagine a 122 pound Bully My gosh he’s a big one! We thought our little 40lb girl had Bully in her. We did that dog DNA test for our Christmas presents on both the rescues. The one we thought had Bully is actually 50% Boxer! She can articulate the toes in her front paws, it’s amazing. I’ve never had a dog who could do that, must come from her paternal side.
PM me anytime. I usually am on in the mornings but with them getting lighter it may be changed to the evenings…