Hello,
I hope everyone here is travelling as well as they can and my thoughts are with your healing.
I am wondering about people’s experience with what I can only term as survivors guilt. It comes in waves for me. I feel guilt for even writing this. My coiling was 9 months ago after a sentinel headache. Thank you for reading this, it feels slightly better to have even shared it as I can’t put it into words.
I’m glad you’ve shared with us. I think by naming what you feel and being brave enough to ask by posting a new topic shows me how strong you are! I can only emphasize with you as I’ve not yet experienced survivor’s guilt. Maybe once when I met Todd Helton and heard his story about his then 15 year old daughter who didn’t make it, but I was more of like questioning my higher power’s reasoning for choosing her and not me who’d lived much longer. I question those kind of decisions a lot for a lot of different things, sometimes I’m pretty rude about the questions I form.
The only thing I could find doing a quick search with AI was this Survivor's Guilt: When Others Didn't Make It and You Did - Brain Aneurysm Foundation which aggravates me because the author is unknown. It also points the reader to us which of course it would since it’s the BAF, right? But we do questions things, a lot. We have a topic under Support where members talk about gratitude and what it means for them to survive, it is faith based for many. I couldn’t find it specifically, my brain must want the day off, seems I’m having issues finding topics today. But go here Support - Brain Aneurysm Support Community and read the topics, you will definitely see you’re not alone in this.
I also found this site https://stillyourecovery.com/ and I did read a few articles which seem to be a great resource although he doesn’t specifically address survivor’s guilt.
I have had quite a few folks get angry at me for surviving when their loved one did not. Sometimes that anger has gotten a bit on the hostile side and not what I see as aggravated or simply questioning. Because questions are always what starts it off something along the line of “Why did you survive and name of person or relation did not?” Well, how the heck am I supposed to know the answer to that? Since I live in a part of the Christian belt here in the South, I usually just say God isn’t ready to answer my questions and is practicing avoidance behavior which is quite frustrating. Sometimes I’ll say “Guess I haven’t completed my work down here, so I don’t really get to retire as yet”. But what I have learned is that we need to see self value so instead of saying why did I survive and someone else did not, turn it to why wouldn’t I survive? There’s so many factors of someone dying and someone surviving, I don’t think the specialists in any speciality really know the exact cause of it. Does it come down to someone being a stronger fighter, is it that the rupture was just so great the brain would no longer function? The list goes on and I do hope that other members who have experienced it comes and shares. In the meantime I would suggest you ask yourself “Why not me?” Make a list of all the positives, make a list of your dreams on what you would still like to accomplish, a bucket list if you will. Your life has immeasurable value, most we will never know as we don’t know who we effect by our words and actions. But those go on to create positivity in many peoples lives as they keep getting passed forward.
Thank you for taking the time to respond, I am very grateful for this.
I will make the time to look at the links and use the suggested strategies.
Thank you !
Hi @Lulu33 -
Thank you for bringing this topic up, as we probably don’t talk about it nearly enough!
Like @Moltroub, I went down the research trail, and I located this article from Medical News Today. What I thought might be helpful is that it lists out some symptoms, some possible ways to cope with survivor’s guilt, as well as suggestions as to when it might be good to seek professional help.
My first neuropsych suggested I take up mindfulness/meditation and it has been very helpful for me (and - for whatever it may be worth - I notice that it is one of the possible resources to help with survivor’s guilt). There are many options for this, but for some reason Love Your Brain comes to mind at the present. I appreciate that this is a US-based organization, but they have a lot of programs on demand, so you can watch at a time most convenient for you.
Love Your Brain has focused a lot of Traumatic Brain Injuries - unlike Acquired Brain Injuries like ours - but they are still welcoming to us as well, and perhaps one of these might strike your interest.
I also found this website that works in partnership with Johns Hopkins (well-regarded medical institution here in the states). One webpage focuses on how the arts can be helpful to handle survivor’s guilt, but just note it appears to have been written in the COVID-19 days, so I am assuming the science is still sound.
Thank you again for bringing this up!!
Sending good energy out to you!
Fin Whale Fan 
Lulu,
you raise a great concern and, frankly, one that never occurred to me. It has been over 30 years since my eruption. I don’t recall my concern ever being why me over someone else; my question consistently is: why did I survive at all? What is the job I have to do that put survival on my path? The first answer to that question is my children. If I did not survive I would never have had them and if the eruption had not happened exactly when it did I never would have survived pregnancy (or so I was told). They are all adults now, but every day while they were growing and even now I relish the gift of having them.
The second is, every day I try to do something for someone—not everyone and I sometimes feel guilty when I don’t open a window to share a few cents or offer a smile to someone who looks down—but I try. So I guess my guilt isn’t, why am I here but have I done enough? I survived this challenge, so can I help someone else survive their challenge?
And, yes, I get frustrated with the continuing disabilities this Annie imposed upon me, but that frustration remains with me. Sometimes it is what ignites me to push myself harder. To ensure I overcome my challenges so I may respond to the needs of others with greater challenge.
I share this only with the hope you, too, may realize there is a reason you are here. We will never get the answer to the question of why someone else didn’t survive. But perhaps, when we are healed and strong enough, we can help show ourselves why we did survive.
Please feel the virtual hug I am sending to you. You are a gift to us all.
Hi Lulu,
Never feel guilty that who’ve survived such a dramatic health condition. I had an aneurysm clipping in August of 2023 after experiencing thunder clap headaches. My father died from a brain aneurysm when I was 6 years old. In November of 2023 I was also diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. Brain surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, double mastectomy all within 1 year. I never ever feel guilty, I know how blessed I am to still be alive. I do have alot of side effects but I truly thank god everyday.
I had a rupture 2 years ago and yes I had the same thing you are going through. Survivors guilt and alot of why me-s but someone told me to look at it as why not me? You are here for a reason and maybe it’s not right there in your face but maybe just your presence is enough for someone to feel happy. Im glad you are still here
Thank you 
Thank you for sharing and the links are very helpful.
Thank you for the virtual hug and for sharing to help others
Thank you
While my children were growing up and would often look behind them as they were learning to walk forward I often said: Look where you are going, not where you have been. As they got older I would say the same as they faced the many life challenges.
I urge the same for you with one small modification: embrace where you are going, with appreciation for where you have been.