Struggling Mom

[JillsRecovering]

Hi everyone,

Thankful to have found this page. I was diagnosed with an aneurysm in May. It was about 8mm and behind my eye. They also believe there may have been a small leak. I had a stent placed in June and everything went perfect. I’ve really been struggling since symptoms started in May. I have two young children and everything seems to overwhelm me. I feel overly stressed, foggy, and exhausted all the time. Have other people experienced this? How long did it take to get better? I’m supposed to return to work next month but I don’t know how I can take on anything else. It’s starting to really depress me. I want to be me again and want to be the mom my kids deserve. Any advice would be very much appreciated

[Moltroub]

Good morning and welcome Jill! I ruptured, so a bit different in recovery times I imagine. Each time I had an angiogram it created issues and the repairs created surprises most times. I frequently share what my neurosurgeon taught me and call it her mantra, Hydrate, eat protein, hydrate some more, rest, repeat. When any of us have a procedure done to our brain’s arteries, our brain has to reboot in a way as the blood flow has quickly changed. It requires sufficient protein and hydration to help the rebooting process. I found additional protein through shakes and yogurt. Water is a must and if you don’t like water, I’d suggest a couple of different ways to improve the taste. The first is a filter, my SIL is in Alabama and their water has a bunch of lime in it so we got a filtered pitcher to keep water in. SIL and family loved the taste as it was able to filter out the majority of the lime and other things their city puts in and have kept it up all these years. Even with the filter in their refrigerator, they still use the pitcher, just double filtered now. There are also drops, fruit infusers, powders, etc that members have recommended over the years.

Having young children can be exhausting in itself but a procedure on a brain and young children, oh my! If your children are preschool age, have them take a nap as it will give you an opportunity to rest. I used to teach parents that it was well within minimum standards to take a time out for themselves which meant the children had to go to their rooms. Children, especially pre teens and teens would balk at it as they thought the parents would have to go to their bedroom leaving the kids have free rein. But children don’t pay the bills, parents do was what I would explain. It worked out well for those families. It may also help to have a set schedule for what you and your children do so you can work in some quiet time for all.

We often talk about mindfulness, relaxation breathing etc here, if you do a search on it using our magnifying glass I’m sure you’ll find something. If that doesn’t work search for @FinWhaleFan as she’s posted several different methods and suggestions recently.

It never hurts to touch base with your surgeon, through your portal or talk to your PCP. When is your next angiogram scheduled?

[FinWhaleFan]

Hello @JillsRecovering and welcome to our little family -

We are so pleased that you have joined us, and we are here to support you throughout your recovery. My apologies for the delay, I have been off doing a bit of life maintenance in the past day, but getting back to you was 100% on my list. You are that important to us!

As @Moltroub has so kindly eluded, I also ruptured, and throughout my recovery, it was strongly stressed to me the importance of mindfulness/meditation to help in reducing stress. Doing mindfulness/meditation often includes breathing exercises, and (coming from a Western scientific mindset), my wearables do show how much it helps to calm me down. I have even heard anecdotally that Navy SEALS use one method when entering stressful situations, so if it is good enough for them, it certainly is good enough for me! That one in particular is called Box Breathing, and I love it because it is so simple, I can actually remember it in stressful situations. I am enclosing the below video, as it is quick and effective for me, as well as placing you in a serene environment. Repeat as often as needed!

Box Breathing

… and maybe because there is something in the air today, but a friend and I were just speaking about another meditation practice this morning on my daily walk, which you may also find helpful to calm the nerves. Depending on the age of your kids, this might be something that they can practice with you too, as it is very kid-friendly, as you end up humming like a bee, and what kid (or child-like adult!) doesn’t want to do that!

Bee Breath

Besides breathing exercises, there are a ton of apps out there offering up various meditation/mindfulness practices. My personal favorite is Healthy Minds, as it is an East-Meets-West app, and it mixes both science about our brains with meditation practices. My wearables also provide me with some access to other meditation sources (Calm.com and Fitbit), so I do alternate those in as well just for variety.

Additionally, just last week I learned about yet another source Love Your Brain that has a free registration to access a library of mindfulness programs. I confess I haven’t checked any of them out yet, but part of the appeal to me is that Love Your Brain is specific for people who have had a brain injury, so it’s like they get us! (Note, they do talk mostly to TBI (traumatic brain injury) folks, whereas we have acquired brain injuries, but to be fair, they are a much larger population than we are.)

Finally, what I see and hear is that you are ALREADY the mom your kids deserve. You are here because of the depth of your love and concern for them, so that tells me what a wonderful mother you are! But, also remember that you have been through A LOT since May: you have had a major surgery (involving your brain!), and that is no small thing! I poked around and found this article that discusses post-surgical fatigue that may be of some interest:

Coping With Fatigue After Surgery: How to Identify What Is Normal and What Is Not

Our friends across the Pond (thank you!) also have a great guide on Fatigue After Brain Injury, and I really appreciate that it talks about how to learn about identifying triggers, and how to manage your fatigue.

So, remember in all this to be kind to yourself. Give yourself the grace to recover and heal. You are doing a great job, and we will be here for you, so please ask, chat, vent as YOU need!

Fin Whale Fan

[Moltroub]

Thanks for sharing Bee Breathing! I tried it, it was fun! I can see why young kids would like it.

[Kayla]

Welcome Jill, we’re so glad to have you here! It sounds like these past few months have been a lot for you, and it’s completely understandable to feel worn out (especially with 2 kids!)

Something I’ve noticed from being in this community is that recovery isn’t only the physical aspects, but also giving yourself time to process everything mentally/emotionally. Whether it’s here or with your providers, talking about the changes you’ve been experiencing may help lift some weight off your shoulders.

As @Moltroub and @FinWhaleFan have mentioned, rest, hydration, and mindfulness can be really helpful in this stage of your recovery. I hope to hear back about how you’re doing, whenever you’re ready!

[Karla]

Hi @JillsRecovering - welcome. I also ruptured, and have an unruptured one as well (you can find out more on my profile). I have a couple thoughts to add to what my friends above shared … @FinWhaleFan I hadn’t seen that Fatigue article (the last one from headway) and I so relate! Though I was dealing with fatigue after the coiling of the ruptured one, I managed to work my way to no daily naps after a few months of the initial coiling/rupture and then I had to go back in for the stent(s). I am pretty sure each stent procedure left me more fatigued. I ended up having three separate stent/re-stent procedures over the course of last year and now I cannot get through the day without a nap or at the very least laying down and doing nothing (even if I don’t “fall” asleep).

First thought I had with you saying you are scheduled to return to work next month, is: do you have a Short/Long Term Disability policy through work, i.e. with a private company, and if you do, review what it says exactly. If you are lucky enough to have one (‘cause I realize now that not every company has it), the nomenclature about IF you can/cannot perform your job as you were trained (based on specialty/profession - not sure what you do) in a full time capacity, you may qualify for STD/LTD. Other than getting a copy of your policy, this is not necessarily a conversation with HR, but a call to the STD carrier.

The other part about RTW next month, if my math is mathing correctly, and above STD/LTD is a non-starter, your return would be less than two months after the stent? My neurosurgeon always allowed my three months “recovery” from the stent procedure/surgery – can you ask your doc if they would provide a letter for at least three months after the stent for “proper” recovery? If not, a second opinion from one of their colleagues?

Third thought, my three kids are now teens and one in college, but the teens are twins and I remember very clearly the demands that brought when they were young and just the mental load of taking care of them. Not sure of your kids’ ages, and if this bit is relevant, but having them nap at the same time was crucial for me. I used to wake up the other one, if one got up earlier .

Then there is the general feeling of being depressed/malaise – and I am generally positive/somewhat cheerful. I am actually scheduled for a psychiatrist appointment to potentially review my “neurovegetative” depression symptoms (as suggested by the psychologist when I went in for a neuro cognitive test) that are supposedly disturbing my sleep, thereby contributing to my fatigue. As others on here have also shared, it is more like a “sudden onset fatigue” as I may wake up just fine, walk the dog, do some light exercise, laundry, and BAM! No more energy. A number of us on here refer to the spoon-theory.pdf – this pdf is super long and thorough (you can also just Google and get an AI synopsis of it). But until you feel “normal” again, it may be helpful to walk around with a mini notepad or put notes in your phone, the activities that REALLY drain you or when you see your energy level change. It really is a way to pace yourself… though I feel that with two young kids, there goes all your spoons!
Okay, speaking of fatigue, I need to take a nap… for comparison, I can get light-headed, yes – foggy, sometimes racy heart, and maybe a light headache.

Do keep in touch with us on here… I’ve been a little MIA the past few months but poke my nose in every so often.

[Violette]

Hi Jill. I have not been active on here for a while, but your story resonated with me as I felt similarly when diagnosed/treated.

For me, after a car accident, we incidentally found a 9mm aneurysm that would have been “catastrophic in a couple years” (Dr words). We put in a stent, and in 6 months with no change, we had to put another stent inside the first to get the sucker to occlude. It was a traumatic time, and I was 30 years old with two young kids under 5. I felt like a shell of my former self, but I can tell you from the other side 7 years later, that you will be stronger, more compassionate, and more resilient on the other side. Allow yourself grace.. you discovered something terrifying, and you are worried for yourself, the care of your children, your memory, etc. I was so scared, paralyzed honestly, that something would happen to me, and my kids wouldn’t remember me and my love as they grew up. It was such a painful time. I relied heavily on my husband, family and friends, I did counseling to learn to cope with my anxiety, and listened to the Calm app regularly before bed. Therapy helped me a ton.

Today, however, I look back and I am understanding of that pain, and proud to be a source of resilience and strength for my children. They do not remember how hard it was for me, but we speak openly about that time. I am so much more appreciative of our memories together, and I’m so glad to say I have recovered mentally from that trauma. I really think receiving the news of official occlusion helped a ton. In the meantime, recognize that you have placed a stent to prevent further issues, and that you have a team monitoring you specifically for your aneurysm. You know about this aneurysm and have stented it to prevent future issues.. and that is AWESOME! So, Keep being awesome . All the best!