Today is 8 weeks to the day since my wife’s aneurysm burst. I happened to be a few miles from the hospital where she was taken so decided to revisit it (just the outside).
Shortly before the hospital there was a funeral procession heading the opposite way and I looked over and thought there were a lot of tears being shed today. Something I did enough of myself.
I drove behind the hospital and saw the entrance that ambulances use, which she would have come through. Her ICU room window looked out on a roof and some mechanical equipment so I could not see it from below on the road.
I did find a gravel spot off of a road (why that was there, I have no idea) and pulled over and I think I saw the windows of the ICU waiting area; I stared out of those for many minutes 8 weeks ago. Today I stared back for some time.
I’m not sure if I’m glad I did this but I guess it did help a little. Have you ever gone back to wherever you were treated just to see it?
I’ve found that there is drug called “time” that is very slow-acting but does help to gain some clarity on the new life we must live. Maybe it does not seem to help you the way you would like and maybe people around you don’t understand that drug but it is all we have at times.
I’ve been back more times than I can count on all my digits Mr. Joe. All the ladies at the front desk in the Neurosurgery dept knew who I was by name and were more than kind to me. One time when I had to go to see another doctor for a different health issue, I drove the 60+ miles with BH for the first time and was so excited that I went up and told them I drove! They were as excited as I was and one of the women wanted to go get my Neurosurgeon lol. I just wanted her to give the surgeon a note.
I was more excited about that drive than when I drove home from Ohio to California at 16 with Mom and Aunt Judy. Mom had two flat tires from the short leg out of PA to OH one on the car and one on the 4 horse trailer and didn’t want to drive anymore. Aunt Judy never had a DL, wouldn’t ride shotgun and stayed in the back seat. That drive was one for the books but even so, not as exciting for me as the drive to Winston Salem.
I had never thought of time as being a drug, you are so correct with that one! It made me relate it to one medication the Rheumatologist put me on that took months for it to build up in my body so I can remain active. My rupture has needed a lot more of that drug. Thank you for giving us a different perspective!
I have, and I did so regularly for a while. Am I glad I did? I’m not sure I’d say glad, but, for me, it was part of my acceptance of it all. It’s more a cathartic process than ‘glad’ for me. That state hospital has now been closed down and a new one opened. I’ve also been a patient at the new hospital, but the new one is like a maze to me. Up that escalator, down that lift, round that corner up the stairs, down the hall, on your left. Simple. I get lost. I now avoid the place like the plague. During the pandemic they were all using telehealth, over the phone, sometimes online. I was OK with that, I didn’t have to travel, but the last 2 appointments they’ve called me in.
Time can be a great healer. With time we learn to adjust to the ‘new’.
Joe, god bless you! Yes, I did the same when my dear mom left the hospital where she had her aneurysm repaired via coil. It did not rupture. She now requires 24/7 care as she experienced complications during surgery and has what is considered “organic dementia.”
Life isn’t easy and I agree with your view on time.
Merl is in Australia, State Hospitals are not the mental health or Developmentally Disabled State Hospitals like we have in the United States…Sorry Merl, I did LOL with this sentence…
A few weeks ago, I ordered the medical records concerning my wife’s stay in the hospital that I wrote about in this thread. They came, and – Steven King would be challenged to come up with a horror story to top this. I am not a medical professional but I did get a pretty good (bad?) picture of what she had.
Let’s just say that it was awful! How she lived past the emergency room is almost a miracle. The reason I wanted the records was to try to answer the question of why the neuro docs did not do a coiling on her the first day like they were considering. Now I know that they were worried about triggering more strokes and her long-term outcome was going to be very bleak regardless.
There are several scales that rate various things, for example she had a Hunt-Hess score of 5, which has a very low survival rate.
Ahh, yea. Here in Oz we have small local hospitals, then we have larger regional or ‘Base’ hospitals in larger towns. Then we have state capital city hospitals or ‘State hospitals’. When it comes to neurosurgery, it’s all done in the state capital city hospitals aka state hospitals.
In the past hospitals became (for want of another name) ‘a dumping ground’ for people with disabilities. Rather than having people with disabilities in hospitals, services were set up as residential facilities specifically to house those with more complex needs. We do have specific secure mental health facilities/institutions for those who are deemed to be a risk to themselves and other members of society. Many of these are run via the justice system rather than the health system.
I find it very interesting the different countries health care systems. We have different types or levels of hospitals. I can remember when one of the local hospitals was referred to as the County hospital and the other was the private hospital. The County paid for the County hospital, eventually they were fully bought out. Now the hospital I went to for my rupture is the same hospital that runs the ED in that hospital. Perhaps that hospital will be bought out by the larger system that is running the ED.
Joe, You’re correct we have many scales doctors use to grade us. I don’t know my H&H score, or any of the others except for my Fischer level, which was a 3. My Neurosurgeon explained that tells them if I’ll have vasospasms and I did for 21 days. She also didn’t feel I was a good candidate for a craniotomy and treated me with Triple H Therapy to the angst of some other MDs in her team and the NSICU.
I received my anesthesiology record a week or so ago and have yet to read it. Apparently I’m not as brave as you. I want to know if the RNA wrote down she fubared, I doubt it. I learned a very important lesson in my line of work - if it’s not written down it didn’t happen. If she didn’t write it down, I’ll be livid. I also learned that at the hospital I was treated at, one has to go to the different specialties to get the records. I think they should all be part of my patient record and I shouldn’t have to hunt for them.
Hi Joe - the hospital where I was treated is my mom’s preferred hospital and we’ve been there twice this year for her. My neurosurgeon’s office is right across the street and I had his latest update put in a couple of years ago. Since I was initially treated in 2018, I’ve averaged 1-2 visits a year - either for further work, followup or mom. The hospital is beginning to feel like a second home.
Hey Joe - Time does help ease the pain. I have never revisited where my aneurism originally was diagnosed nor the specialty hospital they sent me to. I think I can relate to your visit to the hospital. Maybe it’s a wish to confront the loss or perhaps try to be mad all over again. I don’t know. The drug called time does work. It may never dissolve entirely your loss but maybe helps you deal with it. I have in the past been back to treating hospital many times but only when further coils, stents, tests were required. Here is what I want to remind you. It does get easier. Fortunately that drug time is available and inexpensive. Remember your wife would want you to endure and find love and happiness again. Keep working at it. You will win. It’s not impossible. Regards from Cold Snowing Northern Ontario
