my eldest daughter has power of attorney over me but is taking advantage of it to control me. She has complete authority over all my money and food stamps. My Therapist wants to report her but I wish it could be handled differently. She also won't let me live on my own. It's been nearly 20 years since my SAH and I can live on my own. Any one with any ideas? I'm also constantly EXTREMELY depressed and would take my life if it weren't for my 6 year old grandson who is the love of my life. Thanks for the opportunity to rant.
I'm sure this power of attorney came at a time when you were extremely vulnerable and may not be what you would chose for yourself right now. If your daughter is taking advantage of her position something must be done to stop this and become in control of your life. Is this daughter also the mother of your grandson? Do you feel you would lose him if you do something about your financial status. If you don't want to report her how do you want to handle the situation? Discuss alternate effective ways of gaining control over your life and make a decision as to what avenues are realistic and effective and you would feel most comfortable carrying out.
Hello Doris
There are Power of Attorney's and Springing Power of Attorney's (Springing essentially meaning that if or when you become ill and are not able to take care of your own finances/decisions/health care decisions etc. then the person who you authorize to handle your affairs THEN starts handleing things for you ...and when you are well and back on your feet, the springing POA is sprung back your way )-(well, maybe not the case for you and your daughter) -in other words, you sound as though you are well enough to handle your own affairs, so if indeed you'd like your daughter to stop controlling you and your money, why not revoke the power of attorney you've bestowed on her and make sure she has a copy of the notarized document saying you've revoked all powers of attorney and if you'd like her to be your POA down the road or if you should become ill again, then make it a springing POA naming her as that person...(If I had a kid who was taking advantage of my good will and or/my moeny to such an extreme, I'd certainly wouldn't name her as my POA ever again) sorry, just my personal opinion on that last sentance!
You yourself can handle such a simple task, you do not need an attorney to do this. Look online for "power of attorney" pre-printed PDF forms, or for that matter go to either your local courthouse or stationary store to get the blank fill-in forms..they're very inexpensive and readily available, just be sure to get your SIGNATURE NOTARIZED after you've filled in the forms.....and your daughter doesn't have to consent to your withdrawel of the current Power of Attorney by the way, this is YOUR life, YOUR decision, and she has no say so as you seem rather competent...and as Gwen asked, are you afraid of losing out on your Grandsons life IF you were to end the POA? if thats the case.....well, I dont know what to tell you....Gwens advice was very reasonable I think, hopefully you'll be able to work it out. (PS : You don't have to report your daughters actions to the authorities just because your Therapist thinks its a good idea, however I'd imagine if she realized you really did revoke the current POA and showed her the copy of the revocation, perhaps this would scar your daughter enough to stop her BS) ...Hope your health is holding up thru all of this, Peace, Janet
Talking suicide and this entire situation is not good and I am not sure any of us at this site qualified to help you...However, every area has a "crisis intervention" and it may be time to call to get some help...and away from your daughter...along with your Doctor ... you need legal advice ... ~ Gotcha in my thoughts ~ Colleen
Colleen, thank you so much for your response to my statements :-) I have my moments of deep depression and yesterday was one of them. I have 2 therapists and a Life Coach in California where I live with my daughter. It's just that my daughters sent me here to Arizona. Lindsay (in CA) sent me here to Noel ( who's my POA). I feel stronger today and I'm going to insist they send me back this week, and I want to know the full amount of money I have in savings. Janet has sent me a response as well and had lot's of info on POA that I didn't know. I think when I get back, I'll get together with my Life Coach and revoke my daughter as POA. I'm glad I found ('re-found) this site. On a lighter note, I'm happy to say I have been in recovery for 20 years now this December 18th. I really think with prayer and hard work I've done pretty well. Did you have a brain aneurysm? Thank you again Colleen.
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Hello Janet, your help has been imense. I didn't know these things. I appreciate your sympathy in my matter too. You have insight into the fact that my feelings for my Grandson are involved as well. I feel better today and I am going to (try) to insist that Noel send me back to CA this week. I am expecting a call from my therapist tomorrow and I'm going to tell him I want to revoke my daughter as POA and share what you told me with him. I really wish I had entered something more lighthearted. I would have liked to get to know you better and share stories and stuff. Well maybe next time :-)
Thank you Gwen for your response. The daughter who has POA is not the mother of my Grandson thank God. But the daughter I live with and mother of my Grandson (Lindsay) does everything that Noel tells her to do regarding my affairs. Lindsay keeps the bank card from me and my food stamps card. I, after reading the responses here from all of you loving people, am feeling a lot stronger. Today I will tell Noel I want to go back to CA. I will meet with my Life Coach and therapist and revoke Noel's POA over me. It will cause a stirr to say the least, but I just can't live like this anymore. I am hoping and praying that Lindsay won't let this affect my relationship with Trent, my Grandson. Trent and I are very close and I really think he would resent his mom for keeping us apart. Trent is 6 years old and we are buddies :-) I have told him that Gramma has a broken brain and he is so loving to me. He is the love of my life, thank God for him :-). Thank you again Gwen, I hope we can chat again.
Doris ~ This definitely does not sound like a good situation. It sounds like you need someone to talk to. I am not sure if you are serious about your depression and taking your life. But you should seek some professional help with both the power of attorney situation and your depression. Your daughter is certainly taking advantage of your situation. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Doris.
~ Carol
Glad Janet gave you some good information...she is a big help around this site.
I have 2 brain aneurysm's...One Brain aneurysm is 9mm Basilar artery tip...it was leaking and coiled about 2 years ago...at which time my parent vessel was cut...I go next June for another angiogram, but last time checked some blood was getting through and the aneurysm wasn't occluded, but too much damage at that point to go back in and place more coils...then the other aneurysm is small and behind my left eye...Doc's are watching this one, but basically if my vision turns double I am to get to ER...that's my story. Wishing you well and keep us posted...~ Colleen
Gosh Colleen you have so much to deal with and yet you take the time to help others. You are a truly special person. I am glad to be in contact with you. My problems aside, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. Thanks again Colleen.
Carol, thank you for your concern. When I am very depressed like when I wrote the post, it could be dangerous for me. I have tried it in the past. Fortunately I now have my dear 6 year old Grandson Trent who is my reason for living. I have been assigned 2 Therapists and a Life Coach at a place I go to 3 times a week called R.O.A.D.S. They keep a good eye on me and make sure I have my meds up-to-date. But I'm here in Phoenix now away from them. I live in the L.A. area with my youngest daughter and my Grandson. With the support of you and the others here on this site I had the nerve to tell Noel I want to go back to Calif. this week. She is compliant. She has no idea yet but I am going to drop her as my POA when I get back. I have much to do when I get back but I really feel like I can do this now. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.
One thing I just wanted to mention in regards to my depression is that in September of 2011, I lost the love of my life, Dave, to a heart attack. It has been so hard on me especially because we were separated at the time but planning to get back together. He literally saved my life from the aneurysm but I wasn't there when he needed me. He is the one in the picture with me. I loved him so much. I just needed to get this out.
Hey Doris,
Hope you don't think i'm a bit of a Bitch -well, okay look, sometimes I DO come across that way HOWEVER, LOL, I'd love to swap stories and chat and stuff, and check this one out: You mentioned Dec 18th (I'm guessing that was the same day of your rupture/surgery?) my first annie/clipping was also on Dec 18th (Coincidence, huh!) Anyhow, I hope I didn't come off as a complete "B"-- lol, love to chat/talk/correspond with you (Bell Gardens? Hey I'm in Anaheim) Talk soon, Janet
Colleen, you are wonderful to say such a thing--what a compliment, thank you !
Hugs and Peace, Janet
Oh Doris, I am so sorry for your loss. I could not imagine how painful that must have been for you.
I am glad that you are in therapy 3 times per week and standing strong and taking back your life, you have a lot to live for and more than just your grandson. Not that he isn’t worth living for because i know he is. But you have you worth living for. You will continue to be in my prayers.
~ Carol
Thank you so much Carol. I just talked to my therapist on the phone. He is the one who threatened to report my daughter's to Adult Protective Services. He was glad to hear from me. I have decided to drop my daughter Noel as my Power of Attorney when I get back. This won't be pretty but it just needs to be done now. My therapist is going to help me through this. I can't tell you how much your (and the others) support means to me and is helping me. Thank you again Carol.
You are so welcome, Doris. I am just so sorry that all of this is happening to you, it breaks my heart. It sounds like you have a very loving and caring therapist. I am glad that we are all here for you, Doris. Please remember that we are here and keep us posted.
~ Carol