Good morning! I wanted to get on here and introduce myself and tell you all how happy I am to have found this group and how much all of your stories have touched me.
I’m Lisa, a 59 year old mother of two adult sons, happily married, freelance editor who loves reading, the beach, traveling, mahjong and taking long walks. I am a ruptured survivor (May 2020) and it took me a long time to find BAF (to be honest, I wasn’t really looking, just shoving feelings down and getting on with it). When I was in the hospital after my rupture, everyone kept telling me how amazing I was doing and how that is not the norm. I felt grateful, of course, but it was a very difficult time and, as it was the height of the pandemic, I was alone in the hospital for almost a month. When I got out, I focused on the grateful. I truly thank God every day that I am still here, that I got to see my son get married in 2024, that I can work, and exercise and enjoy life. But I also think I shoved a lot of the trauma of it aside and didn’t deal with it. I have survivors guilt and wonder all the time why I got to live when so many do not. I feel like I should be doing so much more because I was given the chance but unsure what that more is. I have always had migraines, but now every headache also comes with anxiety. I still have two small unruptured aneurysms that we are watching and after having a rupture it’s hard to not think about them and feel like a ticking time bomb.
I didn’t feel like I had the best medical team, maybe it was due to the fact that I never saw my surgeon the entire time I was in the hospital, (thanks to the pandemic) following my two unruptured aneurysms and felt like I was the only one “watching” them and was very fearful of another rupture.
I finally decided I needed to deal with some of this and found BAF. I attended the BAF support conference in March and it was such a wonderful and emotional day. I was so happy to meet so many survivors and for the first time since May of 2020 found myself wanting to move forward with a new plan. I got to speak with Dr. Ogilvy and have since found another surgeon to get a second opinion on my two unruptured aneurysms and feel good about the new plan. I know I have this group if I ever need to talk about big feelings, but right now I feel the lightest I have since my rupture. Thank you so much, all of you and BAF.
I recently read “What doesn’t kill you makes you a survivor.” (This Story Might Save Your Life by Tiffany Crum) That resonated with me. I’m in my survivor era. 
xo
Lisa
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Hello Lisa, welcome! We’re so glad you’ve happened upon this unique little corner of the web. I’m happy to read that you’re feeling lighter and liberated from some of those difficult feelings. As friends here have reassured me, we’ve all spent some time in that stew. It sounds like you’re taking on healing and watching with gratitude and courage, and that’s inspiring. We’ll be cheering you on and hoping to learn from you, too. Thanks for joining our community! 
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What a great story! Welcome Lisa! As I was just thinking about you and the pandemic (I had my stent installed in 2020 during that time) Luckily I only had to spend the night, when I ruptured I had what I liked to call 26 days of spa treatment. I rarely saw my neurosurgeon during that lengthy stay, maybe 2 or 3 times. I remember twice, she could’ve come by another time. I sure saw all 4 of her Residents twice a day on their rounds and a bunch of other Residents. Teaching hospitals are like that. There was one guy who came in and said he was my doctor and I told him he was not. I ended up telling him he wasn’t allowed anywhere near me or in my room. The male residents following him were shocked. I had to explain to him that he should be more attentive to female patients and not dismiss their complaints. The female Residents had little smiles on their faces. He liked to holler at them and kept them in the back of the class on rounds. He did the big mistake of hollering at my favorite med student so I told him he needed to learn to be more professional as his barking and yelling didn’t do much for patients fighting to keep on living.
I didn’t like Tuesday nights much because folks passed away more on Tuesdays, followed by Thursdays. Back them Neuro ICU was like open barracks but with sliding curtains. There were only a handful of private rooms they moved me into one when they figured out I wasn’t going to kick the bucket on them I guess. Why they always had a shortage on pillows and chairs I will never know, the RNs didn’t know either
Before I ruptured, I worked in a field where I had to respond to fatalities. I developed a stronger theory of we don’t get to go until it’s our time. Not one second sooner or later. But I sure wanted a sit down chat and ask God himself a heck of a lot of questions about those fatalities and other things I had gone out on. So much so that my friends and family said God sure didn’t want me banging on His door. It took several years for my brain to heal enough that I don’t have to ask those questions, I’ve figured out the answer.
When we survive we are given a chance in my opinion to help others on their life journey simple as that. We can educate or support them, really whatever comes to mind. We get to meet new people who might become friends. We get to change our personal support group to one that is healthy and not full of drama and chaos because our priorities change. I think that for some practicing Mindfulness or Meditating can help with survivors guilt, for others talk therapy helps. Lots of folks turn to self help books, I had to read a lot of those when working, wasn’t impressed with the majority of them. My favorite has and probably will always be “Taming Your Gremlins A guide to enjoying yourself” by Richard Carson. He did do a second edition and uses Rick Carson. This is it Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way: Carson, Rick: 9780060520229: Amazon.com: Books. Truth be told, I haven’t read the second edition.
I’m really happy you’ve jumped into our family and started a new topic! Welcome again!
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Thanks so much for your response and kind words.
xo
Lisa
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