Just need to vent

Since they told me I have 2 unruptured Annie’s I can’t sleep. I try but the only thing that works is the sleep medicine. I watch TV, write, color, work, even clean and once I settle back down, I think what have I done wrong in life to have this. I’ve always cared for others and sometimes too much. I try so hard to be positive and stay positive but when it’s back to quiet I want to cry, while no one listens but then I want to scream so someone cares. I was so healthy never even smoked in my life. I am wondering if anyone feels weak, get over stimulated to easy, head feels heavy and always wants to throw up. I just want to wake up and have it go away.

Hi Carriola;

I’m new here as of last week, but I can tell you that I know exactly how you feel. My hardest time, is in the mornings. Even before I open my eyes, as my brain wakes up, I remember "I HAVE AN ANEURYSM’, and right away the panic sets in. My stomach starts hurting and my heart starts racing, and this pattern has repeated itself each morning for the last few weeks since I found out. I keep waiting for this all to be a big mistake.

I don’t think anyone truly knows what to say when someone they love is facing this (like any other serious disease). They say things like stay positive, or stay busy, and while these things ARE very important to do, they aren’t easy when you’re the one facing the crisis.

Because I am so new to this as well, I cant offer you advice telling you that it will get easier, I can only hope that it will. How can we not be in a constant state of worry living with an unruptured aneurysm?

I think if you need to take time to let out a good cry – then do it! If you need to scream out when no one’s around – then do it! We all deal with things differently, and we have to find what works for us. Is there someone you could talk to outside the family that might help, like a counsellor, pastor, or friend? I’ve been told to start journaling, and I think that’s a great idea, I just haven’t gotten to doing it quite yet. Feel free to drop me an email if you’d like to chat sometime. The support on this site has been wonderful to me so far…. Please reach out anytime you need someone to listen.

I didn’t have an aneurysm, but my wife did, and it ruptured so treatment was a matter of survival. I just want to comment that there is such a thing as grace and mercy–life is not always this happened because you did that. My wife had a good outcome, but we know another woman who did not. Both were considered to be in excellent physical condition beforehand–neither ‘deserved’ an aneurysm is what I am trying to say, and you don’t either. There is a bigger picture to life, and we can’t discuss that here. I’d just encourage you to seek hope outside of yourself. I suppose you could say we were in a good position because we never knew ahead of time that there was an annie. I think you are in a better position, because you can likely avoid what we did not. I hope this helps and points you in a good direction.

Hi Carriola. I know how you feel because I have been feeling the same in the past few weeks when I was diagnosed with an Aneurysm in right cavernous Carotid Artery and it was also found a midline 8 mm cerebellar lesion. I am a single mother of one child and I have no family around. The doctor said the aneurysm and all that can be done now is “watch”. I am not getting any accurate diagnose about the lesion. I wake up every day and I cry. I have been more emotional and sensitive. I can’t sleep too. I am going to my primary care physician and ask for some medicine to make me sleep. I understand you and trust me I know your pain. My hope is that this aneurysm won’t grow and I will be able to live my life without fear. I just want to wake up like you and think that this is gone forever.

Hi I am two living with 2 more one did repture two and half years ago and was coiled and I’m doing ok , I still think I’m a ticking time bomb but when I said this to my doctor he said u was but now we know they are their we are watching them , so I think I’m in a better way now as I no as before I didn’t have a clue , so try and stay positive and live ure life and not worry on what might never grow , as u will b check over time so trust in doctors , take care bless :slight_smile:

I understand. I had a rupture and my Annie was clipped, but due to the odd shape, there’s a part of it still “out there.” My Neuro has downplayed it so I don’t worry…but I do. I just did a hike with my daughter and prayed the entire way up the hill, “Dear God please don’t let me die with her watching.” I look at my family sometimes and I get this gut feeling that I just won’t be here in their future. It’s incredibly negative and awful…I fight it every day, and I’m not giving up the fight. That one teeny tiny section that is hanging out WILL NOT define me, at least not every day. That’s how I make peace with the worry…some days it takes me down, some days it does not. I hope you find a way to have “some days” of freedom from worry in your future.

I’m new here, like others in this thread, and your comment moved me. I think that a big part of living with aneurysms is “taking it all in”. I was diagnosed in February and I am still here. It wasn’t until a few days ago when I started to think about the aneurysm again and all the fear and negativity kicked in. I spoke with someone in our local support group this morning and she said something that had a profound effect on me: “Fear plays dirty”. If this is a game, then I am sure not going to let fear get the best of me. God has kept you alive for a reason, and you’ve made it this far. You’re absolutely right, this thing isn’t going to define you and in due time, I hope that the light will be sufficient to chase the fear away.

Each day is a blessing. I’m glad we are here today to talk with one another.

1 Like