Hey Kim,
I hate to admit it, but @Moltroub is correct in regard to ‘men’. We’re taught that women are the touchy feely types, in touch with their emotions and men deal with it with Braun, but when braun doesn’t deal with anything (only hides it behind an artificial wall), then what? Well, then we get frustrated and often take it out on those around us, who, more often than not, are the ones we love. We end up pushing everyone away. How do I know this? because I did the same damn thing.
I told my wife, if she wanted me to leave, I understood and I would go. In my view: This was my battle, my load, not her’s. She didn’t sign up for all of this. I didn’t think it was fair on her to have to deal with me, to feel obligated. I was removing any sense of obligation. That was my intent. Now, how I put that across in my ‘fogged mind state’ was destructive, almost matter-of-fact like ie ‘I’ll just pack my bags then…’ She was annoyed with me, not because of what I said, but the way I’d put it across. She was annoyed that I thought she’d leave or want me to leave. I was trying to make it easier on her, to give her a reason to get rid of me. She told me straight up, she wasn’t going anywhere and I stopped pushing her away.
We had a big, long conversation about communication and emotions and how we express them so that neither of us let it get to that point. I’m a male, words don’t come easy (or the wrong words come easier) and my frustration with finding words, minus the expletives, annoys me and out come the expletives. My frustration is more with myself, but I focus it at others. My wife can read me like a book, she knows my signs when I’m being overwhelmed and at times has needed to call a ‘Time out’, just to break my self-destructive mindset. My tiredness or level of exhaustion played a big role in this too and she learnt to read those signs too. I’d try and tell her “I’m OK” she’s look at me and tell me straight out “Well, that’s a lie. Look at your eyes…” my eyes give my pain level away and she knows it. Damn it.
This whole scenario is not easy for anyone, but you need clear lines of communication and an understanding of each others views and why. Without those ‘clear lines of communication’ things are often left to interpretation and we can all pick up or interpret the wrong signals. I know I do. Badly sometimes.
Merl from the Modsupport Team