How to find your life's purpose again

[Duda]

It’s been about 2 years since I got to know about my aneurysm. Till I die I will always remember that day. Life has changed so much since then. I don’t really like to talk about it with family or friends so I guess that’s why I thought to share it with you guys.

After the aneurysm surgery, my doctor advised me that a flow diverter operation was needed. More than the recovery I hated going back to zero. I had almost recovered and was working hard to get back to normal ( both mentally and physically ). After the second operation, I didn’t want to try for recovery. I was so fed up at that point in time. Most of my friends are getting job placements and I was sick or in the hospital most of the time. It’s was so frustrating as I studied for 5 years for my college degree only to not sit in the placements due to my annie. Somehow I managed to get a good college for my master’s. Everything was getting back to normal until last year I got Covid and everything was a mess. I was so tired most of the time that I didn’t want to write my dissertation. Somehow I managed to write it and got my degree. I had 3-4 job interviews planned but I don’t know what happened suddenly I lost all my confidence and messed them all up.

Long story short I am currently unemployed just got Covid last week again (Omicron variant) this time. I get a pungent smell from most of the food items, have gotten some skin allergies as well. If someone had told me 2 years back that I would be in this place I wish I had never woken up from my Annie. I have never tried alcohol, never smoked in my life, tried my best at studies, and was always physically fit. I have tried to do my best at everything society asks for but I am still can’t figure out where it all went wrong.

I have this one quote in my room that stuck with me when I first read it. It was by Nietzsche- “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how”. But I can’t find my why any longer.

[oct20]

@Duda
I wish I could ease your emotional pain. I usually don’t tell people what they should do, but please reach out to your physician or seek counseling. Depression and anxiety is a common problem after an aneurysm, that’s something I have learned.
I’m a ruptured aneurysm survivor myself. I would also like to invite the @moderators on this site and hopefully someone can give you some more help.
Hang in there. You are stronger than you think.

[Moltroub]

Thank you @oct20 for reaching out as I was just about ready to log off.

@Duda like @oct20, I ruptured. I had completed university and was working in a related field. It wasn’t the field I thought I would go into when I was younger. After rupture, I could no longer work.

Life is about the ability to change, we cannot become stagnate. To paraphrase an old quote, we need to be able to adjust our sails with the wind. There are always work arounds as you yourself have already learned. You were able to finish your Master’s and the dissertation, no easy thing to do.

We have a saying in the States, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It probably started back in the early 1900’s but it’s meaning is to try to make the best of what you can in your life. Every life has meaning, sometimes the purpose does allude us for but a moment but if we are patient and wait, it will come to us.

For me, I will echo @oct20 seek a therapist who can work with you, don’t stare into the abyss to long, make the call now.

[DickD]

@Duda

You’re going through tough, tough times but they won’t last forever. I think we all feel that these things are not fair and it seems especially unfair when you are so young but it sounds like you’ve done remarkably well with your studies in a very difficult environment, so I think you should take courage from the fact that you’ve done really well despite having so many more challenges than the other people your age.

The coronavirus pandemic is affecting us all. It’s unfortunate that it has come on top of the challenges you’ve already had because it is setting you back mentally more than it would if you’d had a more straightforward 2020. I don’t think you should feel “picked on” by life, just a run of misfortune that will get better as we all get out of the pandemic.

I know you don’t find it easy to talk to family about how you are feeling (and many of us find that difficult) but it is much better to be able to express your worries, so sharing them here is excellent but if you can find a good friend who you can talk to as well, that may be better. If you still struggle, getting some professional mental health support is a good thing to do. Over here in the UK, being able to talk more openly about mental health difficulties is more encouraged than it ever was and I hope it is moving in a similar direction in India as well. We all know this is difficult, so try some things but it will take repeated trying and some non-progress before you feel like you’re getting somewhere.

But you’re worth it (to borrow an advertising slogan). You really are.

Any time you’re struggling, we are here. That’s what this is all about.

Very best wishes,

Richard

[R1ck]

@Duda
I just read this and was wondering how you are doing?
I am sitting here at 42 about to be 43 trying to understand my life too. How I could do things months ago that I can’t seem to currently. And sometimes I have wondered how did I survive this? The drs, nurses, and friends have all said how lucky I was… but is it really luck? How is it that most people either don’t survive this or even experience this?
I hope you are well

[Soconfuse]

Hi Duda, know that you are not alone. I specifically want to comment on your 3 job interviews you had set up, you said you weren’t sure what happened, and maybe you lost your confidence. To date I had a rupture (SAH) with stroke, laid in bed for 4 days before going to the hospital, with a 5% chance at surviving, while doing the repair, they found two additional aneurysms, before they would release me, I had a second repair, almost to the day, one year later, the rupture had decided to leak, so I had a 3rd surgery. One year later, I had a stroke, and here I am, looking pretty healthy on the outside, but a hot mess on the inside. I find that I make plans to go to a family function, super excited the day of, get ready, and then all the sudden it hits me, maybe I’ll just stay home, I don’t tall need to be there, it’s a hit and miss for me. My comfort zone is at home, in my room! This is a challenge I’m trying to overcome, it doesn’t come easy. My oldest son got married this past Saturday, he lives in Kansas, and the wedding as in Columbia, Missouri. It was a chore getting myself to the airport, and staying with my son was actually nice, but then we headed to Columbia, and it hit, I was staying in a hotel, I felt so unorganized, like my world was turned upside down, and the worst part was, nobody understands.

I totally forgot all about my breathing techniques that I’ve been using. I guess my point here is, the rupture was out of your control, out of all of our control. On my bad days, I look above, and ask why, what’s my purpose, what did I do wrong, give me a sign. I get mad and think to myself, I’m not giving up!

You are amazing, remember that!

Karen