Just need to vent a little bit, I hope that’s okay. Ever since they found my unruptured aneurysm and I had the clipping surgery I feel like my mental health has taken a crazy decline. I feel so anxious all the time. I’m worried that the clips have already moved and I don’t know it (I’m awaiting MRA results next Friday), I’m worried I could have a stroke at any moment, I’m also just worried about my health in general. I find myself constantly checking my body and how I feel to make sure I’m okay but I just can’t ever be sure or fully prevent something bad happening to me and i am filled with fear all the time. It really doesn’t help that my aneurysm was found incidentally when i got something else checked out when i had a bad hypochondria day. I was also told that my surgery was also more complicated and they ended up using 3 clips instead of just the 1 in the original plan. My surgeon also told me in one of my earlier appointments that he genuinely didn’t know how he was going to treat it and he needed to have a meeting with some other surgeons to discuss my case. I also need to have more regular scans and check ups than other clippings because of this. I feel like my confidence has been knocked so much and I’m struggling to navigate normal life and all the everyday stresses on top of this. I can’t fully trust that everything is okay even though my doctor has given me the all clear because of my experience. I just turned 21 and I’m going back to university very soon to repeat my final year since I had to defer to have surgery. Im already not coping at all and I don’t know how or what I’m meant to do. It all feels very big and scary. I’ve started going to therapy to try and cope, but currently I don’t really see a way out. A lot of people know what I have gone through as my parents told people and my friends etc and I’m really trying to put on a brave face and appear happy and every time someone asks if I’m okay i am all smiles but inside I feel like I’m screaming for help and nobody notices or cares. Sorry this is a lot, but I hope maybe somebody can relate to this
Sadie,
In case it helps, I think you’re “normal”! I think it is normal to get rather hypervigilant after something like this. It took me two years post op before I started believing the docs that I was “ok”.
I’ve got a different condition (I help here when @Moltroub needs a break: she’s away this weekend with family) but the worries associated with it – a brain bleed, because something is still going on?? – were similar for me as they are for you and others in this forum.
I have something called a brain arteriovenous malformation and it is basically where an artery is joined directly into a vein, the vein (not being a high pressure blood vessel) bags out in a similar way to an aneurysm and can go pop in the same way. We have a different community for AVM patients, if anyone ever needs to know the place to come, just ask.
I discovered my AVM in 2016, had to wait a year to get through diagnosis and have an embolization to block it up and then, as I say, spent two years struggling to believe I was “fixed”. I kept having symptoms that I attributed to the AVM and greatly I was a bit hypervigilant: everything that felt odd, I was concerned we hadn’t closed off the AVM fully and I was still at risk.
In my case, I had a bunch of further scans at about 12 months post op, it took a further 6 months to report on them(!!) and when I got the results, I still didn’t really believe the docs.
However, I decided that if there was nothing visible on scan, there was nothing that could be done. My doc said something like “If it’s too small for me to see it, it’s too small for me to operate on it” so there was nothing to be done, even if there was some tiny residual flow. So I resolved to ignore any tiny signs of oddness and “rejoin normal life”. It worked.
Over the last 7 years, I’ve ignored the little stuff and the big stuff never happened. As a consequence, I’m back to normal life as any of us would score it.
Do the counselling. Hopefully they can find a way to help you to let go of the hypervigilance as well. I know very much what it is like and it isn’t good. You can get there – and I know this to be true because if I can do it, so can others.
And be advised that you can come here to rant or stress a bit or whatever: this is what we are here for.
Very best wishes,
Richard
Hello @Cs5rd1e0 -
First of all, I absolutely echo what Mr. Richard said: one of the main reasons this platform is here to have conversations with others who have been in similar shoes, so please continue to share your authentic feelings as that is what the purpose is!
I am super happy to hear that you have started therapy, Of course, if that particular therapist/group doesn’t work for you, remember you don’t have to stick with that one, and you can keep searching until you find one that does.
I appreciate that this UK nonprofit is focused on hereditary brain aneurysms, but they have a guide on living with health anxiety. Especially starting on page 2 are suggestions on how to manage the anxiety, just in case you see anything new that might be of interest.
I know that one of my feelings post-rupture that I had to navigate was how to learn to trust the one thing I could ALWAYS count on - my brain - when it seemed as if it “failed”/“betrayed” me. For me, I just took things slow and easy, and focused on things that I could control (planning trips to the grocery store, or “pretending” to go to work by going to the library and doing a project for 1 hour, than 2 hours, etc.). Taking things in short shifts helped to build up my confidence, as well as allowed me the opportunity to check in with my body, and if I felt tired, I could then go rest. Even going back to work, I had little self-confidence (despite the fact I took a job several steps below where I had been), and over time I was able to build myself back up by taking things one step at a time, and focusing on what was immediately in front of me (equivalent of this homework assignment, then this quiz, then this paper, etc.).
Before I returned to work, I learned a technique from one of my speech therapists, but I think it is much more popular these days then when I was young, but it is known as the Pomodoro Technique. I have gotten to the point where it isn’t as needed for me, but - personally - I found it helpful at first to take little breaks to allow myself to check in and see how I am doing, while freeing me to focus on the task at hand for that 20-25 minutes.
Finally, another resource to consider is a US-based organization called Love Your Brain. They have a number of free mediations to help reduce anxiety. Although Love Your Brain’s main focus is on TBIs, it is still freely available to all of us - and what seems most helpful is that is geared to those of us who are dealing with brain injuries.
I am so happy you reached out to let us know your real feelings; we want to be here for the real you!!! Please continue to let us know how you are doing, and feel free to chat/vent all you wish!!!
Fin Whale Fan 
I’m so sorry to hear about the tough time you are having. I think many people here can relate. Whether it’s anxiety of living with an unruptured aneurysm or in my case, having one rupture and then treating that and two more that didn’t, it’s the loss of control that is so scary. It’s normal because our brains are designed to help us survive so when they know something is “wrong”, they go into overdrive and hyper vigilance. It’s your brain trying to protect you.
I think therapy is a great bet, and as my surgeon once told me, time will definitely take you further away from the terrible anxiety. Your trust will slowly rebuild.
Hopefully you like your treating physicians and you may want to share some of your fears with them as well, if you get the opportunity.
Best wishes for you as you go through this!
So sorry you’re having so much anxiety but it will get better. I had an unruptured aneurysm found by accident when I had an MRI for sinus issues two years ago. It was 4mm so my surgeon said I could wait six months and see if it changed or have it fixed right away. I chose to wait cause I had just had a cervical fusion done four months earlier and wasn’t even healed from that yet. This was a revision fusion after one year cause the bottom screws on both sides had broken for no reason. My anxiety was thru the roof when I found out I needed to have it done again. I was on the verge of a panic attack many times. Then finding out about the aneurysm was surreal. I had the aneurysm fixed in 2024 with a WEB device cause after six months it got bigger. Just saw my surgeon for yearly checkup and don’t have to go back for two years. But I’m learning (very slowly) that I am not in control and worrying and getting myself all worked up won’t change a thing, it will only make me crazy worrying about what may happen. And what we imagine may go wrong usually never happens. Focus on the good in your life now, don’t dwell on the “what if’s?”. You had a successful surgery, and your surgeon said all is good so trust him. Focus on your school and enjoy your life. And we are all here for you whenever you need to vent 
Hello,
I am sorry you are having such a difficult time and from your story, your worries make sense. Your therapy will help and I think it will all just take time. Any surgery will affect the brain, I do not think scientists understand the effect that anaesthetics have on our brain in the short term. I think someone else has mentioned that the " lack of control" is a big thing as well. I know this is what I struggle with. Take care of yourself. I hope the start of term at university goes well, and be kind to yourself. You have got this and you will feel extra proud when you graduate. You have overcome this and you can do anything xxxx
Greetings! I feel for you as I am in the same position! Go out and live your BEST life! Let nothing stop you! You are alive! Go out and live! I returned to work as a international flight attendant! Soar!
I know the feeling well.
Had my aneurysm clipped November 2013, yes Anxiety does creep in but you have to stay strong and try not let in (easier said than done).
I could go on for ages talking about this and my situation in relation to my operation and the way I have been.
Stay strong and don’t let it get you down it does get easier
I had aneurysm surgery about 5 weeks ago. I also am afraid every bump to the head, headache, etc will bring something catastrophic! Please give yourself grace and know that its ok to be scared! You’ll be alright, but its totally normal to be scared for a while! You had someone messing around in your brain! In time, a few months, you’ll be much more comfortable, and it will just be a good story. My best to you!
Sadie, you can vent any time you want here, no worries! My oh my, you have gotten some great advice here! Of course I read @FinWhaleFan link to the UK site and some of the things resonated loud and clear for me. Mindfulness, relaxation breathing are of course my go to’s. I never thought of seeking out a therapist that focuses on health issues, what a fantastic idea! I hope yours does and at least has motivation from you on checking out cerebral aneurysms. We have a lot of different therapists here in the States, but I haven’t heard of an overall Health Specialist Therapist.
Please let us know which of everything suggested you’ve chosen to try as I’m sure it will help other members. If you’re comfortable, please share what skill sets your therapist encourages you to do. Remember it’s a different way of thinking so you have to practice more often and for longer than you think, please don’t give up!
Consulting with other neurosurgeons isn’t a bad thing, mine does it all the time. The first time was for my second coiling attempt. I joked around that she might want to go back to school and learn about multi-lobed aneurysms. They are really rare in case you didn’t know. Mine liked to procreate like a rabbit and she stopped counting at 24 daughter sacs, we won’t ever know how many it actually formed but two dozen is pretty high up there. Back then she consulted with the other two working in the neurosurgery dept. They actually consult with each other on every elective case. Obviously they can’t on emergencies but they do go over them at the next meeting which if I recall correctly is every week. I like knowing that she and the others help each other out, it’s a team approach! She definitely had to when I had my stent placement t since they only had one bed to share weekly between them as it was during the pandemic. I also know there are some surgeons who will consult with others who are considered at the top of the field, from members here. I would not want a surgeon who is not willing to get ideas and thoughts from others, especially on tough cases. My thinking is that although aneurysms may be in the same place, like people there are no two exactly alike. Here in the States, everyone in the helping fields have to take continuing education courses, it helps teach what is being discovered in the field that may or will work better. It’s a requirement to keep their certificate or license to practice. My guess is every country probably has something similar set up.
Just some advice from someone older and worked with families a very long time…if you don’t express your fears and concerns, your support group will never know you need help. With your therapist, you might ask how to let them know and not get frustrated when all they can say is something like “you’re okay”, “ you need to get on with your life” or some other platitude. I believe people say these things because they don’t know what to say or are just as frightened as you. There is absolutely no shame in honesty and I think people who can honestly answer things like how are you doing are extremely brave. It also puts people on the defensive so you do need to be aware of it as asking how someone is may not mean the person is actually interested in how you’re doing, it’s just a social thing folks do.
I’m really hopeful you try the ideas given and let us know which ones have worked for you!
Hi Sadie, welcome. I think so many of us feel you and know just what you mean. Your life, your perception of your own strength, your relationship with fear and stress…everything changes. It can feel incredibly heavy and inescapable.
Thankfully, so many changes that seem negative can ultimately change us in positive ways, through time.
I’m curious if going back to university to finish is an absolute must right now. Can you possibly extend your deferment? We all heal and deal in our own way and on unique timelines. Perhaps your body isn’t ready yet and is asking you for what it needs.
If returning to university is a must, I hope you can build a support group around yourself there. I’ve found that my fellow humans can be absolutely amazing when I lower my guard and allow them to help. I’ve felt like a broken record during the past year as I’ve let people know about my experience, my need for healing time, and how they can help support, but I’ve also watched my community become more compassionate and open to sharing their own vulnerability. I consider that an invaluable side effect of my journey.
We’re all here together and welcome all the emotions that come with our shared life experience. I hope you’ll lean on this wonderful group of determined survivors whenever you need to vent, question, support, or celebrate.
Hello, I had a rupture in August 2024 which the neurosurgeon put in a coil and a stent and then a year later the neurosurgeon went back and put another stent. So with all that being said I was like you I was having alot of anxiety and always worried if it was going to happen to me again. I also started to see a therapist and he has helped me alot. He gave me a very good technique that I use when I start to have that anxiety. He told me to start to use my 5 senses one by one. Until something helps you. Like for example put something sour in your mouth it makes your brain think about that instead. It helps to snap your brain out of it. Also remember that you are here on this earth for a reason and maybe it’s to grace people with your beautiful spirit. I hope that i helped in some way.
Hi @Cs5rd1e0 -
I was just thinking of you, and wanted to reach out and check and see how you are doing. How is it going adjusting to everything??
There is ZERO rush to respond, as I am sure you are in the midst of it all, I just wanted to let you know that we are here rooting for you!!!
Fin Whale Fan