We get changed a bit after we rupture I think and it’s very hard on our caregivers. One of the first things my Neurosurgeon had me promise was that I wouldn’t cuss. I wasn’t typically known to swear, I used one really bad phrase with the F word when they were trying to put an A line and central line in. The room was filled with medical students from RNs to Residents and a couple of Doctors. All the ones who knew me clapped. They said they didn’t think I knew such words. When we get any type of brains damage but especially to our language centers, it is far easier to cuss than to find better words. Profanity comes from a place of strong emotion is what I think. It doesn’t matter if it’s anger, frustration or fear, those words are just easier.
My sleep patterns were all over the place to the point BH snitched to my neurosurgeon. Dr, Q-W told me I had to retrain myself and stop taking my long naps during the day. To say it wasn’t easy is an understatement.
In my experience working with families, it is very difficult for men to admit they need help. Society is the likely culprit to blame, even in this day and age. Maybe not as much as our parents and grandparents when men were supposed to be the provider for everything, but it’s still there.
Sometimes with brain damage (includes ischemic stroke and TBI’s) we get fixated on certain things and cannot just let go without a lot of effort. You might have a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist in your area or possibly an ischemic stroke or TBI support group. Even though the label is not the same, the results are often the same -brain damage is brain damage, doesn’t matter how one gets it, the struggles are often similar. You’re probably aware therapy doesn’t work well if the person isn’t 100% invested. But a good therapist should be able to get the client invested. I’d look for a male therapist or psychologist.
Another thought comes to mind, does he have a close male friend or family member? Perhaps some male bonding time is needed. Maybe someone he used to do stuff with like a hobby or special interest thing.
He may need to do the 20/20/20 exercise for his eyes while on electronics. https://www.aoa.org/AOA/Images/Patients/Eye%20Conditions/20-20-20-rule.pdf
We do have many caregivers here that have gone or still going through what you’re experiencing. I do hope they come and share what has worked for them.
I know BH has had a difficult time. The first years I was always having to go to our local ER and they’d always have me take a CT scan. We don’t do headaches in our house. I fully agree with @FinWhaleFan in contacting his medical team. If he had an endovascular procedure, the coils may have compacted. Also agree that Neurosurgeons are fix the brain issue sort of folks and once they’ve done the fix, they’re done with us, unfortunately. Since mine was 60 miles away, there was no need for her to know what services were available in my county which meant she relied on my PCP to connect me with them. More unfortunately and unforgivable to me was the PCP I had at the time actually said he didn’t know what to do with me, I needed to get another neurosurgeon. I may have said some bad words to that statement, I may remember BH telling me “language”. It’s what I get told if I throw out a cuss word, sometimes I don’t recognize what I’ve said as cussing to be honest.i was fortunate enough to have the knowledge of available services because of what I did for a living and would ask my neurosurgeon to write the order, so I was able to get PT and ST very quickly. I couldn’t get into our one and only adult OT because I wasn’t admitted into the local hospital. I did change PCPs within a few months or less, one who knows out to reach out to various specialists and isn’t afraid to do it. She’s also not so proud of herself that she won’t take tie, to research an issue or say she doesn’t know but will find someone who does.
I hold caregivers in high esteem. Please take care of yourself first. Make sure you get breaks away from him and do something you enjoy even if it’s just an hour a day. We are here for you, I give my word. Just remember that responses may be the next day or longer.
