Word of wisdom needed

First off let me thank anybody who is reading this for taking the time to read this, I appreciate that. My name is Arturo Gonzalez and I have commented on a few discussions and have even had a few on here myself but have not been on consistently yet have had the opportunity to give words of encouragement to those who require it when I can. I am a 26 year old who had a brain aneurysm when I was 22, almost 23, and I have been feeling extremely empty lately and alone. I have friends, I live on a college campus, and people around me all the time but I can't help but feel alone. I am still coping with the loss of abilities due to the aneurysm and subsequent stroke and feel as if though this event has stolen so much from me. I am tired of living this way but have no choice and am extremely frustrated with the situation. I was looking through my emails and found a few from when I was transferring to my University, that's when it happened, and seeing them brought back memories which hurt and didn't help with the empty feelings. Half of the time I do not know if I should cry or just be angry and although I try my best to be happy I am not and have developed into someone who is never happy with what I have. I just want to be normal again and I hate the feeling of what could have been if this event had not happened in my life. I see healthy people, who are not that much younger than I am, seemingly wasting their good health and doing fine while I am working to keep my head above water with life. I am too shy to approach girls so I do not have a girlfriend, after the aneurysm I got really self conscious and find it extremely difficult to talk to anyone due to a lack of energy. I try my best in school and while I have not failed a class I have to work very hard just to pass, it's tough to put in so many hours studying to only just pass. Seeing those emails takes me back to before the aneurysm when I was a kid just happy to be going to a new school, with seemingly a countless amount of opportunities ahead. If I didn't make sense in this I'm sorry but I am just lost at the moment and am wondering if I will need to cope with this brain aneurysm for the rest of my life or if I will ever just be happy, I don't feel 26.

hello my love I can understand how you feel but you must put all these thoughts behind you and thank the lord that you have survived as I have I had an aneurism 4 years ago but I am now fine and getting on with life just make new friends yu will be happy again but you have to give it time you are only a young man with all your life in front of you so please don't feel alone all the best wishes Mavis x

Are u a filipino? Where are u right now?

I try and try a and can’t seem to accept who I am or what I can and can’t do, it’s just frustrating. Thanks for your time and words.



Mavis Betts said:

hello my love I can understand how you feel but you must put all these thoughts behind you and thank the lord that you have survived as I have I had an aneurism 4 years ago but I am now fine and getting on with life just make new friends yu will be happy again but you have to give it time you are only a young man with all your life in front of you so please don’t feel alone all the best wishes Mavis x

I’m Mexican American and I’m at the University of California San Diego



kenneth08 said:

Are u a filipino? Where are u right now?

Arturo, don’t give up!! You have a whole life ahead of you. I had surgery four years ago to clip an un ruptured aneurysm. I was 39. The surgery saved my life, but left me with a mild facial deformity, and a droopy eye lid. But I’m alive!!! And so are you!!! I do get down sometimes as well, and things seem to take a lot more energy than before. I hate when people stare at my eye, and I get frustrated at times when I think of the way it was. Things will never be the same, but they don’t need to be. Focus on all the positives, and there are many, believe me! I think the key for us is ACCEPTANCE. Spending too much precious time wishing things were different is a waste of time. Embracing life as it is, now, and working with what we’ve got, what we can give to others, is we can focus on. You will meet someone wonderful one day, and live a full life, but look ahead!!! I’ll pray for you Arturo.

Hi, I’m so sorry that you feel this way , it is s very hard thing to have gone though , it’s been 5 years for me now , and I understand how you feel , stay strong and know there are a lot of people out there that know how your feeing . Talk about it , it helps , we are here for you ,

I feel for you Arturo. I have been on the aneurysms journey for almost 4 years now. I felt like I was in limbo, purgatory, still somewhat, as I recover, adapt, adjust, modify, accept what I can and cannot do or be now. It’s a grieving process. I am 54 years old and I had a wonderful life. I am starting to have a wonderful life again. I can’t imagine what you’re going through at your age. I know the love and support of my family, friends, community, and the angel occupational therapist I still see, has greatly helped me. Is family close to you, a support group, therapy and counseling? All can be helpful to heal and figure out your new goals and dreams. I wish the best for you.

My heart goes out to you, Arturo. I have a 26 year old son who has faced similar challenges. I believe in what Isabel had written to you about acceptance. Once you are able to get to that point, then you will move on to life’s next challenge. That’s what life is, sweet young man. It will get better. I promise you that. After reading your letter, I can tell that you are a kind, intelligent, loving person. You will not feel alone for long. Focus on the things you enjoy doing now, (post-aneurysm). Don’t isolate yourself. Go to meetings, take on a new hobby, and fight that desire to hibernate. You have so much to offer to the world, to your family, and someday perhaps, to your own children. Life is a highway. Enjoy the ride. I believe in you.

Hi Arturo,


I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have had a life time of setbacks, trauma, symptoms that have had me feel like I will never get ahead in life too. But, alas, I have not had a ruptured aneurism. Mine was clipped in December. I feel blessed to be alive and able to continue to be the blessing I was born to be, continue to hug my daughter each day, continue to marvel at creation and all precious creatures great and small.

I wonder if you can try to feel the petals or leaves between your fingers - it's such a wonderful thing to do to get in touch with creation and all its majesty. Just 'be' for a while so you can learn to love the beautiful you again, who hasn't changed. To learn again that you are precious, kind, important, worthy, loving and loveable. Even without a current girlfriend. That will happen in good time. It is your heart a loving girl will want. Can you do as I do and count 10 blessings each day for 1 month. It is GREAT therapy. You can show them with a basic camera phone on instagram. We could link up. Look me up under spitzephotography.

Are you being nurtured through with therapy and are there loving family members nearby? I am a fan of hugs, therapy and prayer after having experienced a great deal of trauma and loss.

When was the last time you saw a great comedy? Works a treat for me with a huge tub of popcorn.

Please go easy on yourself. Please have a good cry if you need to. Please seek help from a counsellor or therapist to help you get through this tricky stage. You will be ok. From your words I can see you are resilient and very strong. Please muster more of that strength like never before and know that you beautiful just the way you are. You *will* be ok. Big HUG!

Here is one of my images taken 2 weeks ago while about to jump on a ferry. I hope you like it. I love light, the sea, clouds. How much more precious you are than light, sea, clouds. :D






Arturo, I totally understand how you feel. I had a brain aneurysm back in 2006 and spent eight months in the hospital/nursing home and my family was told that it could be any time now. Fortunately, it is now 2015 and I am still here! If you saw me you would think I was totally normal but i am not! My eyesight and memory have totally changed and it has affected my everyday life. Be strong and join different groups to motivate you to "thank G-d" for still being here! Get yourself involved where you will stop thinking about what happened to you. Take care and be strong!

Dear Arturo Gonzalez,

Your story really has touched me and as I type this response, I am not sure whether or not it will help but I feel compelled to respond anyway. I have had no first hand experience with this devastating illness but I can say I have more than just rubbed shoulders with a few who have survived or succumbed to this monster.

The love of my life, my wife Bridget, was diagnosed with aneurysm when she was just 34 (that was in 2012). I had not heard of this evil before then but I have learnt and heard of this word so many times now than before my wife was diagnosed with it. Excuse me for not writing the illness name as often. I am not very comfortable to hear or mention the word "aneurysm". That's how traumatized I still am. I met another lady whose only son was critically ill and on life support just 2 days after the operation to clip the aneurysm so I took her number just to communicate and follow the progress of the young man who was only 25 and had a wife and a 2 year old daughter. Unfortunately, he died 3 days later.

Having said that, I would like to encourage you to face life like you never had survived this life robber. A big ask I should say but I tell you what; there is a very good reason why people like you and my wife Bridget had to survive and still retain your intellectual capabilities when many are laying low in any way possible-to put it bluntly, many are either completely disabled or dead because of this monster. So I say while you watch your health like you've never before, live your life like you've never before. Surround yourself with loving people, less stressful buddies, people with life and half. You don't need to feel sorry for yourself because the fact that you survived, is reason enough to celebrate your life every second, minute, hour, day, month and year of your life. I pray that you will find strength from our God the Savior of us all. Life is short so please enjoy it in what ever situation. My wife has changed tremendously in every aspect but I am still grateful God saw it fit to let wife come home again from the operating table and live with us for the passed three years now. Be thankful that you can sit before the PC and drop so many words that otherwise you would have not had you not survived in the fashion you did. Thank God even if it is half life now.

I can not claim to know what you are going through but I know that if no one is there for you physically, mentally, spiritually and morally- God is definitely with you 24/7.

Thank you for sharing and God bless

You didn’t say what your disabilities were Arturo but if they are such that you have mobility and control of your body, I have a suggestion for you. Volunteer to help others. You will see, that there are a lot of people worse off than you are and you can help them. You obviously have your mind or you would not be able to handle college at all. You also apparently don’t have financial problems so why not? Helping others is very rewarding and will make you have less time to feel bad for yourself. You might even meet some good person who also does volunteer work to help others. This is an easy solution, try it if you are able and I guarantee the rewards will be uplifting to you. Good luck! Muriel Steven (an aneurism survivor)

Arturo - I am the partner of a survivor and I will never tell you that I know what it feels like. I will take that awayI do not. I am the other survivor. The one who watched in horror as her strenghth was taken away and her inner being brought it back up. This is your journey and while you are on your journey know that are so many people you have not met that are out there waiting to meet you.

You are normal Arturo. How do I know? Your posting is beyond the beyond wonderful in the moment It reads like a person that has emotions,intelligence, is phsically present and understands mentally that he is facing and spiritially needs to be lifted. Young man.........now that is normal. Saying and sharing your frustrations, sadness, lack of feeling connected....is once again, being normal....because you can articulate. As my partner heals we alerting at our new normal and adjusting. If you didn't know, you would never know she had a BA. Mental health concerns are tough. If you have a broken leg, everyone knows there is a issue the person is going through.......but when it comes to mental health, no one can see struggles. In a way I do understand that part. I am Bipolar II and have been for over 30 years. If you look at me, you would not know. I am funny, understanding, insightful self employed with poor self esteem. When people get "their second wind", I have no second wind! I cry easily and feel so deeply with everything. I live with depression every day. I am not religious, but have faith. I don't have everything I wanted in life, although I am not sure what that means. Simply from a Sesame Street movie, " I've got everything that I need, right in front of me" At this moment, this very moment you've got everything you need, right in front of you. Its a slew of people waiting to meet you. I am so glad to meet you....I have been waiting for you. It is about time you showed up!!!

FromYour Fan,

Snowed in in Mass!!!!

Dear Arturo,

Be assured that things will get better. It just takes a long time for the brain to heal. Following aneurysm repair, do you still take medicine? I am still on Carbemazepine, and will likely be on it for the rest of my life, but I do believe it keeps me on an even keel. If you still see your surgeon or neurologist, ask him about it. There are a lot of medicines out there, some better than others. I’m not sure medication is the best thing for everyone, but this one has worked well for me. Good luck in the future, and try to look forward to life more optimistically. You have survived a very large challenge, but you have many years ahead of you. I speak from experience - I am now 74.

David Andrus, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

Hey Arturo, see the typos in my posting? Thats MY normal

nancy said:

Arturo - I am the partner of a survivor and I will never tell you that I know what it feels like. I will take that awayI do not. I am the other survivor. The one who watched in horror as her strenghth was taken away and her inner being brought it back up. This is your journey and while you are on your journey know that are so many people you have not met that are out there waiting to meet you.

You are normal Arturo. How do I know? Your posting is beyond the beyond wonderful in the moment It reads like a person that has emotions,intelligence, is phsically present and understands mentally that he is facing and spiritially needs to be lifted. Young man.........now that is normal. Saying and sharing your frustrations, sadness, lack of feeling connected....is once again, being normal....because you can articulate. As my partner heals we alerting at our new normal and adjusting. If you didn't know, you would never know she had a BA. Mental health concerns are tough. If you have a broken leg, everyone knows there is a issue the person is going through.......but when it comes to mental health, no one can see struggles. In a way I do understand that part. I am Bipolar II and have been for over 30 years. If you look at me, you would not know. I am funny, understanding, insightful self employed with poor self esteem. When people get "their second wind", I have no second wind! I cry easily and feel so deeply with everything. I live with depression every day. I am not religious, but have faith. I don't have everything I wanted in life, although I am not sure what that means. Simply from a Sesame Street movie, " I've got everything that I need, right in front of me" At this moment, this very moment you've got everything you need, right in front of you. Its a slew of people waiting to meet you. I am so glad to meet you....I have been waiting for you. It is about time you showed up!!!

FromYour Fan,

Snowed in in Mass!!!!

Hi Arturo,
After surviving an aneurysm, life does divide into “Before” and “After,” I totally agree. But maybe it’s not all bad. As you say, you look around and see healthy people wasting or not appreciating their lives, whereas people like us know the true value of life.

It’s hard to be surrounded by people but still feel alone. Even with my wonderful husband and 2 young boys, and my co-workers, no one really knows how I’m feeling.

For you, maybe you can find a local support group for people who’ve been through something traumatic. It helps to know other people in a similar situation. Try also to find a therapist who deals specifically with “trauma.” They are trained to help with the after- effects, and maybe even prescribe some medication to help.

Lastly, I don’t know how physically impaired you might be, but some rehab type of exercise or working out with a trainer (or whatever you can do) may boost your confidence. Try to sign up for classes where you can meet some girls and get to know them as friends first. There will be someone out there for you :slight_smile:

Jen

Hey, you’re still young and have a full life ahead. I was 52, single, and my girl of 16 years (nurse) left me cus she didn’t want a retard. I could’ve quit an went disabled, but, I got my schoolbooks out and relearned my ABC’s. Made it back to work. Its not easy.You are special. You have a second chance in life. Do the best you can every day. Don’t worry about havin a girlfriend…she’ll come along. I met a very nice lady on the internet, she lived 40 miles away. We didn’t miss a single weekend and we’ve been married two years now. Dreams still come true…take care.JC

Hi Arturo,

Reading your post really struck a chord with me and I feel like I can relate very much. I was 16 when I had my ruptured brain aneurysm and it completely changed my life. I am almost 9 years post injury now, and for me, it took me almost 7 years to realize that I am going to have a "new normal", but that I would still be okay. Sometimes I felt guilty that I felt so sad and frustrated about my situation, when I thought I should just be thankful that I am still alive. But I learned that anything I felt was valid. Adjusting to life changes like this is massive and everyone copes differently. Sometimes I still think about what would have been, but I try look forward.

I completely understand your frustration when you have to work so hard, just to pass. It took me an extra 3 years of high school, just to get my diploma. College or university seemed impossible at one point. Sometimes I do wish that I could go back to when I didn't have to work so hard to get good (or not so good) grades. I am wondering if you have accommodations at school that might be helpful? I am in university now, but take less courses and have extra time for assignments, tests, and exams. There are also many other accommodations and services you could access with proper documentation. I have found these accommodations helpful. There also may be student services that any student can access such as writing centres or student success centres where staff can look over your assignments before you submit it. Your campus should also have personal/emotional support along with academic support, which might be helpful to you.

Please feel free to contact me anytime! I know it feels really isolating, but you are not alone.

Take care,
Irene


Hi Arturo-so sorry you’re going through this difficult time. I’m also just trying to adjust to my situation so not sure how much insight I have. Had an aneurysm back in May following surgery for ovarian cancer. My focus has been on the cancer but now realize i need to deal with the effects of the aneurysm. I read you are at UCSD. I graduated in 2000. Awesome school-difficult classes. I’m sure it’s hard trying to focus but I think that’s probably the best thing for you now. i read everywhere to be positive so that’s what I’m trying. I know we’ll both get through this its just going to take time to heal and adapt. Go tritons!