Hi, Jeannine here. I haven't checked here for over a week I think. Most days I have been not well and in bed.
I want to thank each and every one of you for responding to my discussion entitled "TOO MANY EMOTIONS...HELP. It is amazing how much better I felt after reading them. I could identify and learn more from each of your stories. I really needed support and for someone to understand.
I hope to be able to respond to each of you, just be patient with me, there are a lot of responses.
Now, I have a new problem with my caregiver which is my husband and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this. First of all, I should tell you when we found out about my aneurysms in August, it was a life changing moment. I don't have to go over what happens between that time and the time of surgery and then recovery, most of you have been there.
That news brought us closer together than ever. The thought of losing me, of facing possible death affected us in a way we never imagined possible. The incredible heartfelt, honest, and loving conversations and actions got us both through this. I have never before in my whole life felt closer to anyone at that time. I actually didn't feel alone. I had my husband and he would be right there with me.
Fast forward to recovery phase. As far as keeping the house up, the shopping, making dinner, laundry, and vacuuming he has been great. He says he's running the house now. haha. He brings me food, drink, ice packs, meds, and anything else I need when I can't get out of bed.
I'm improving greatly with the exception of last week. I think I tried to do too much.
So yesterday morning I asked him a question and he blew up at me. I'd been telling him to slow down, to try to relax too, that everything doesn't have to been done right now, the Christmas shopping I can do mostly on line, and that I could see in his face the tension and anxiety getting worse and worse. Dealing with the emotions of a person recovering from brain surgery are all over the place and difficult for the caregiver to handle as well.
A few minutes after my question, I was told, rather yelled at about everything that apparently had been building up for some time. He reamed me upside and down and I just stood there in shock. The worst part was that he can't take me anymore, he can't handle doing everything, and referring to my bipolar, said I'm done dealing with that as well. I want my life back, I can't take this anxiety anymore. says I think I'm always right, I'm never satisfied with anything...more of the same. When it was ended we went our separate ways and I was certain all that meant he was going to leave me. I can find someone else to take care of me.
We went to a Christmas dinner last night after this and it was all I could do to get through it. Then reality hit. I gave him his presents and he didn't even say thank you. I was then and am now crushed, terrified, and don't know what to do. I think, unless he was just venting????what a way to vent and say awful hurtful things, he will be leaving me.
I love this man so much I cannot imagine living without him. I do not or will not start a new life alone again. He is everything to me. I know it would not take long for me to not be here either. People die from a broken heart all the time. And mine will be broken, it's already starting, I can feel it.
Again, I hope this is appropriate. I'm sure I'm not the only one this has happened too and will not be the last. I'm wondering how you handled it or did it have a positive outcome. Thank you once again.
Jeannine