I so glad that I finally found a group that can relate to what I’ve been through. On June 20, 2016 I was at my boyfriends house about to take a nap. All of a sudden I felt a weird sensation in my head like a rubber band had popped, but I ignored it. I remember waking up in the hospital with an excruciating headache. I don’t even remember being driven in an ambulance. While sitting in the emergency room, the did a scan on my head and told me that I have some bleeding on the brain. My heart skipped a beat because that is how my grandmother died. They said they would try to access it through my groin and if that didn’t work they would have to go through my brain. I remember signing some papers and than being put to sleep. When I finally woke up from surgery, I had staples in my head and a drain to catch the excess blood. They ended up clipping the aneurysm. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital until I was able to go home. I think about this experience everyday that goes by and I still can’t believe that this happened to me. It just scares me because I could have died from this. Since my surgery, I still have frequent headaches, I now suffer from high blood pressure and I have gained weight. But I grateful and thankful to still be alive.
Terese, I’m a little concerned that you speak of thinking about the event every day after 2 years. Granted it was a life changing event but…
Have you spoken to a counselor? You might want to give that a try, something to help you not think about it (in what sounds like a negative way) every day.
Personally I can completely understand you thinking of it everyday, I know I still do. It’s a scary thing and when you have frequent headaches they are a constant reminder. Having a family history resulting in a death can make it all that more difficult to move on from. I’ve required a few neurosurgeries, my last in 2013, but still today I have ‘headaches from hell’ each and every day. Let’s face it, our brains contain who we are and they chop it open :shock: there are bound to be changes and change can be a scary thing. But I will say that over time you do learn the best ways to manage, you do learn which pains to be concerned about and which pains are ‘normal’, well, our ‘new normal’.
I do agree with Azurelle, that a counsellor can help. I needed to speak to one, just to prove to myself that I wasn’t going crazy. This has been a life changing event and acceptance of that can be a difficult thing. Not everybody can understand that, some may think it’s a bit like a broken bone, give it a while and it all heals, but this is nothing like a broken bone and somethings don’t heal up the same way. Those changes can take a while to accept, and that’s normal.
I believe being grateful and thankful to still be alive is one of the best ways to look at things because, sure things have changed, but in all honesty, it could have killed us and it hasn’t. So we’ve got to be thankful for that at least.
Merl from the Moderator Support Team.
So nice of you to share your story.I would think in one way or another we have all fear what might happen.One thing I do know if you can think about something you can do for yourself.To get your mind on something different.Good wishes that you can make small change for yourself.I can tell your such nice person.
Terese, I am sorry you have gone through this. I agree with Azurelle and Merl on the points they bring up. I know I suffered from depression after my rupture 5 years ago. The depression wasn’t just because of what I went through but because of my changes. The weight gain, fatigue, not being able to multi task, etc… I made the choice about 4 months after that I wasn’t going to focus on what could have happened or what can happen, or who I was as a person. I was going to live life to the fullest even though that looked different from what it used to be. I continued to heal, serve and love my family, and adapted to my changes. I essentially quit grieving for the loss of the old me. I am sure that looks different for everyone. I do hope you are able to find a counselor and/or psychiatrist to help you find peace and deal with your trauma along with staying connected to a community like his one. Wishing you the best!