Hello guys I’m new here. I am a 23 year old law student from India. Recently I had coiling of my anerysm. Would be having a stent one now. I’m kind of nervous for this one as I don’t want to go through the process again. Would appreciate your help
Having had a few neurosurgeries now, I must say knowing the processes, having been there before, is not always a good thing. With my initial surgery it was all new, I really didn’t know what to expect. Then the operated and, Ohh Boy, I got a whole new education. When I was told the second operation was necessary I was more than just nervous. I truly was a total wreck. I too didn’t want to go through all of that again. But I was basically told I really had no choice in the matter. I could refuse treatment (Not recommended) or hand all control over to the medicos. I can be a bit of a control freak, if someone’s in control I would rather it be me. But here I had no control over any of it and I had to learn to accept this fact.
I may make that sound easy, it wasn’t, but once I agreed I had no choice, I had to allow the dr’s to do their bit. That’s not to say I wasn’t still nervous, I very much was. I tried to gauge (guess) or compare one surgery with the other. The fact was that none of the operations were ever exactly the same so trying to compare was impossible. I’ve required a few neurosurgeries now and they’ve all been different both in the surgeries themselves and the recoveries. Nobody ever wants to go through all of that twice, nobody. (If I knew what it was going to be like I wouldn’t have wanted to go through it all the first time, but, again, I had no choice.)
Now, please don’t get me wrong here, none of this is ‘a simple walk in the park’, none of it. But all of these doctors have done this before, they are not novices and they know what they are doing. We have to allow them to do their jobs.
I apologize if this sounds a bit course or harsh but that’s the reality of it all. If I could only now take my own advice the next time I’m faced with more surgery, because I can tell you here and now, I’m a nervous wreck each and every time they operate. I don’t know how my wife puts up with it all at times.
Look at it this way, you came through the last operation and you’ll come through this one too. Sure the recovery is far from pleasant, but they wouldn’t be recommending it if it wasn’t needed.
I wish you the very best with it all and please know we are here if you need.
Merl from the Moderator Support Team
Ahhh, family, yes, that can be difficult. But, as with all of this, ‘Honesty is the best medicine’. Putting on a brave face is one thing, but the reality is still there and you need to deal with the reality of it all too. Trying to deal with it all on your own is NOT a good idea, especially when you have others around. They really need to know.
I say all of this because when I had my initial diagnosis, I internalised it all. I didn’t say much about it all. My mind was running at 1000mile an hour over it all and those around me knew something wasn’t right, but I didn’t want to stress them out. This was my mess. So I didn’t say anything. My (new) girlfriend at the time (now wife) sat me down with one of those “What’s going on?” sort of looks and the fortress walls crumbled. She already knew something was amiss. Like I said “This was my mess” and I gave her the choice of ending the relationship. I didn’t think her dealing with my mess was fair on her. She was, let’s just say, ‘a little annoyed’ that I thought that and that I’d made the decision for her. She wasn’t going anywhere and has been my emotional anchor ever since. My biological family all live in another country, so for me that was less stressful. It wasn’t easy, but not as emotionally charged as my new family. But they all needed to know. Once my girlfriend knew, she supported me in telling others and this made the whole process easier.
This is not a ‘normal’ thing. Not everybody goes through all of this and it’s stressful. And saying “I need help” is not a sign of weakness, far from it. It shows you’ve thought about it and acknowledge that you need some assistance. Who better to get that support from than the people around you, the people who know you? If you keep it all bottled up internally the pressure builds and builds. If the pressure is not relieved things tend to explode. This can be very ugly and if people have no idea why, they tend to pass judgement. That’s not fair on them and that’s not fair on you.
They need to know. We often have difficulty in trying to deal with it all, but so do family. The sooner they know, the more time it gives everybody to process the reality of it all too.
Merl from the Moderator Support Team
Welcome to the group Digant! I’ve had three coilings for one ruptured aneurysm. I couldn’t have done them without the support from those I love and this group. Ok so I could have, but being honest and open provided me with an extreme amount of support, as well as complete faith and trust in my Neurosurgeon. Because my friends and family were and remain supportive, they correct my shortcomings and provide an immense amount of empathy. I wouldn’t want to be on the path by myself. Listen to Merl’s advice, he is pretty smart about these things. Let your loved ones know how you feel, share your concerns, if they aren’t supportive, they probably don’t need to be in your life. Let us know how it goes, remember we are all here for you!
I had support while I was in ICU for 17 days, my dear sister 24/7 but I don’t remember 99% of it. Then I came home to none. So confusing and sad, especially since I’m not alone. Just with family who won’t acknowledge it happened. Coming up on my one year anniversary and the torturous thoughts I live with daily are increasingly interfering and painfully ever present.
My parents were a bit like that, but I figured it out…they were extremely frightened as my youngest brother died of cancer when he was 49. They didn’t want to bury another child. I was actually grounded from them for three weeks because they had me doing chores for them I just wasn’t able to do yet. It’s very difficult to set ones we love down and have a heart to heart discussion. Some people like to pretend things didn’t happen but that’s not a healthy road. If your family is not one who can sit around the table and discuss things, try talking to the males while they are working on something, and the females while over a cup of tea or cooking. If that won’t work, try writing a letter or if you think that won’t work, perhaps journaling will help. Perhaps when COVID-19 has been stopped, you can take one or two to your surgeon and they can hear from the doctor. Please remember that this group does understand and they are a wonderful means of support!
I am so happy your surgery went well Digant! Opening up to those we love is a life lesson hard to learn, but worth the effort!