Petrified of dying or having brain damage

Hi everyone, I've always been one to postpone important things, and am trying to put off surgery for an unruptured aneurysm for as long as I can, I think I might die or be a vegetable, and wanted to do so many things with my life still. I can't move forward .How can I just make up my mind and decide to have the op done? I'd rather do my bucket list.

Shauna,

I understand exactly how you feel. I was fortunate enough to learn that I had an unruptured aneurysm in November. Based on where it was located, I had to have a clipping surgery. The surgery was completed on Dec 16. Yes- it was scary. Yes- there were things that I did not expect. (I am having trouble seeing out of my left eye) But- fortunately I am here. It has been a little over 2 weeks since the surgery and I am tired but each day that I wake up- I am excited about the day. I have a 14 year old daughter and I made the decision to face my fear and live for both of us. Sending you love and light.

Nicole

Hi Shauna....I already wrote this, but again....you need to do it while it hasn't ruptured...if its rupture somany things can happen...please if you donot trust your Doctors, get a 2nd opinion...have some faith ... and know we are here to "hold your hand" and say some prayers...

Cyber~thoughts and prayers your way...Colleen

What surgery are you facing I'm assuming clipping . My doc told me that I may have to have that done . My annie ruptured may 2011 I have coils and a stent but not done yet . My right foot is numb and my short term memory is awful and I have mood swigs from hell . I too was terrified when he said clipping may be in my future .But i have read so many stories and done research I'm not afraid anymore I'm not saying that I won't be the morning of that surgery . I found this you tube video called Kathleens journey It was the first story/person I had seen that went though it She had 2 coiling procedures then a clipping . I think you should watch it . Get a tissue . It has a happy end, its just so inspiring .Sometimes I wonder even tho it doesn't really matter but what would it have been like had I known that I had an annie instead of not knowing and it just ruptured . I was told too many times to count by all the docs in the hospitol how very lucky i am to be alive . I don't remember the first week at all . But my family went through hell . and when the doc walked out and told my family that I could very well die or not ever remember them ... I am grateful that I didn't have to see the looks on their faces . I can;t imagine what was going through my husbands mind while driving on sidewalks and running cars off of the road trying to get to the hospitol as fast as he could . then arriving to see me restrained to a bed with breathing tubes down my throat and thinking he may have to tell our 2 small children that mommy isn't coming home . My intent on telling you this isn't to scare the hell out of you . But trust me You don't want this thing to rupture . I was scared my 2nd surgery because I knew what was going on with that one . You have to trust the docs . and just read everyones story here . so many wonderful happy endings after surgery actually should say happy beginnings . Good luck to you !! You have come to the right place .

Hi everyone, I've been in tears reading you guys's replies and advice and just the fact that someone out there has gone out of her way to take the time to speak encouraging words to a stranger. You all are angels. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for the wonderful words of encouragemeny Nicole, you are an angel. I hope you are well?

Hi shauna , I just wanted to add that when you check out kathleens journey on you tube make sure you turn up the volume . whitney houston sings the song and the song itself is enough to make you cry .

Hi Amanda, having read your story I feel like such a fool and a coward. I'm supposed to have a coiling done, and that is probably far less serious than what you're going through.Yes, you have scared the hell out of me but I suppose in a good way so that I can move forward. I hope you are ok, in time it will all get better, you are in my prayers.

Hi Colleen, I had 2 neurosurgeons's opinions, and I trust them. Thank you for ypur prayers, I keep you in mine. Thank you Colleen.

Okay coiling I can explain that . My annie is behind my right eye . They made a very tiny insision on my bikini line . They put a catheter all the way up the femoral artery and place the coils through that tube into your annie .The surgery takes about 3-5 hours .and you will most likely go home the next day . You will be bruised on the tops of your feet ,your calfs , and arms . and you will be picking purple glue out of your hair for awhile . I had 9 coils placed when it ruptured .but had to go back a couple months later for more but wasn;t successful so he placed a stent instead .i have to go back again for either coiling or clipping .its still undecided. the bruising everywhere is from monitoring needles that they use they put them in and take them out while your knocked out . your groin will be sore for awhile . By the way don't say that you feel like a fool or coward . i can't imagine what I would have been feeling if i were you . mine was an emergency situation no time to think or be scared . like I said the 2nd one i was nervous even though I knew what to expect . well kind of ( no memory of 1st time ) I had a great doc and nurses but i also had an AWESOME PCA she helped to get glue out of my hair and all the knots and the 2nd surgery they forgot to plug a hole from the needles in my head . that and i was on bloodthinners a week before surgery therefore i bled alot . This PCA spent an hour washing all the blood out of my very long hair( she even friened me on Fb lol) . wait that prob. sounds scary . sorry .I'm okay now I have been . I just have issues due to the rupture. I can't tell you enough about the people on here . If it weren't for them I just don't know who i would have turned to .my family just doesn't quite get it . Like I said before I wish the very best . Do you have any idea as to when you might be having the surgery ?

Sorry to sound harsh but think of the damage it could do if it ruptured if I were you I would go and have op a planned op is better than an op if it ruptured. Goodluck. Jess.xxx

do it now. a ruptured aneurysm will def end your opportunity to complete you bucket list.

we'll all be w/you in spirit.

Shauna-

I had a rupture- it was severe- I can tell you that I wouldn't wish what I have gone through and the (drastic) chages to my life on ANYONE...If you have opprotunity to correct it before a rupture, I would encourage you to do so...That being said- I know it's scary to think of brain surgery (OMG!!!) but think of the outcome of knowing you will be able to complete your "bucket list"...Please keep us updated...Sending you prayers and good thoughts- Dana

Hi Shauna

Firstly Happy New Year and welcome to the family.

I was diagnosed March 30th 2011 with an unruptured 8mm Annie. I was coiled within a week, on 6th April 2011, due to it being in a bugger of a place, clipping was not an option and if it would have ruptured a vegetable state was the probable outcome.

Looking back I feel fortunate that I was not given an option to wait, or put it off, as I can honestly say 10 months on, the worst thing about this whole life changing experience was the wait from knowing about the annie to having the coiling to prevent a rupture. It was the longest, scarriest, surreal 7 days of my life.

I can honestly say the worry of a rupture, ending in a vegetable state, scared me that much that it overode the fear of the surgery, I had 7 days of wishing the days away to survive the next day without rupture till the morning of the surgery, You'd of thought it was christmas morning April 6th, I practically skipped into the hospital. Okay so I didn't quite feel like skippping on the way out, and I'd be lying if i didn't say its been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. But hey I'm here to tell the tale, and like you I have a bucket load of things to do. I just feel that now I've got more time to achieve them.

I also have a 2nd annie that is being monitored, better location and smaller, I am not given the option to have this coiled at this time, or may never need to, which tells me it is better to be left alone for now, but would/will not hesitate to go into surgery if need be again.

Hope this helps

Best Wishes

Gaynor

Shauna,

I have written multiple answers to your post and have deleted each of them. What everyone has expressed is so true about being fortunate to have their annies discovered before rupture, or to have been one of the lucky ones to have survived a ruptured annie.

What you don't see in any posts are the ones who do not survive their ruptured annies.

No one can tell you to have the surgery or not to have the surgery. All we can do is to support you in whatever decision you and your doctors make.

You need to arm yourself with as much information as you can. What I will add to this mix, which I do not see posted, is the statistics of you NOT surviving a rupture.

Statistically, ruptured cerebral aneurysms are deadly. 25% die within 1 day, and 25% die within 3 months. That's 50 % of people with a ruptured annie will die. Of that 50%, 25% will have some sort of permanent disability. Are these statistics that you are willing to bet your own life on?

Both my sister and I were fortunate enough to have found our annies before rupture. Our grandmother was not, and neither was her brother -- both died from ruptured aneurysms, both were young when they died.

There's your 50% statistic ... in one family.

I urge you, from the bottom of my heart, to please have the surgery before the option is taken away from you, like it was for my grandmother and her brother. Neither of them were given the choice.

My thoughts and prayers and with you.

Best wishes,

Linda

your not a stranger here.... your family... get it done, then you can go on with the business of living...

hugs lisa

Mine happened like Dana and I wouldn’t wish a rupture on anyone either. Had I known, I may not have suffered the consequences I have for the past 15yrs. If acting now can help you avoid that…Do it. You’re not a fool or coward, Dana’s right again. It’s brain surgery. Hell I’d be afraid to have a Botox shot, so I know I’d be freaking out if I knew ahead I had to have brain surgery! I think that’s totally understandable. If it helps, I been checking off my bucket list items. One way or another…You’ll be doing that too. More and longer I bet. Good luck.

Hi Amanda, I'll watch it later but just having you guys's support makes me so tearful already.Thank you Amanda.

Good heavens Amanda, I can't start imagining what you're going through, with such multiple procedures and ongoing trauma, I keep you in my prayers every day and hope that you're ok.The people on this site are incredible.

Thank you Lisa, I hope you are ok, multiple hugs

Shauna