Brain Aneurysm Support Community

New Member Tina

On my 54th Birthday, Dec 10, I suffered from this aneurysm rupture. I am told that I am lucky to be alive after 3 different procedures. I am healing well physically. I don’t stumble over my words as much anymore. I don’t have as many memory issues.
Problem is, I cry all the time. I hate my life, and don’t understand why I was saved just to live unhappily. I can’t control my anger, towards my husband. My 5 yr old (our grandson that we have raised since birth) gets on my nerves, I hate our new house that we moved into 2 months ago, and I can go on and on.
Prior to Dec 10 I worked hard at my own business (unable to now) and loved life.
I was not warned about depression or anger, or suicidal thoughts, that I am now starting to read about, and was released from the hospital with my prescriptions and thats it.
I am desperatly seeking help and support. My husband thinks I need to go somewhere for help (somewhere to stay) until I am better. Has anyone suffered this and come through it? What helped?

Everything takes time and it does come. I’m not so sure what you are describing is “depression” not that it can’t and shouldn’t be treated. appropriately. But frankly I have been experiencing much the same following a stroke a while back (even the grand child we are raising… Its frustration at everything being “new” no matter how little or how much brain damage occured, there is a lot of healing going on and lots of new neuropathways growing. Consequently everything that goes through our brain is processed differently. It can be overwhelming. Hell I even got lost in COSTCO a few weeks back. Fortunatley a friend in the know found me sitting on the dog food crying and fixed me up. (I don’t cry) My speech therapist has been a god send dealing with this stuff. Even taught me to use my smart phone. A good thing as I use the navigation to get home from my office. (a trip I have been making for 40 years.) If I miss the exit Its an extra 32 miles of driving. If you forget (as I have often) to buy gas, one could (has) gotten into trouble. My old truck doesn’t have any of that fancy stuff…

HANG IN THERE its a whole new deal and overwhelming at best,

TJ

Hi Tina, and welcome to the group. I am an almost 2 year survivor of an unruptured aneurysm. I know that I have suffered depression since all of my therapies ended a year ago. I do have issues with anger as well, but not to the extent that you are describing. I think sometimes we all get going a mile a minute, between all the tests, doctor’s appointments,and treatment and so on and so on, and then like you say-- one day you’re discharged from therapy or the hospital, and then you’re on your own it seems. That’s when it all hit me like a ton of bricks kind of like a delayed reaction. It also happened to me 8 years ago after finishing treatment for breast cancer. I don’t know that you need to technically go away–I think family support is important . But perhaps therapy would be helpful. Personally, I have tried to do it on my own without therapy, but my husband thinks that I should seek help at times. It does take a very long time for the brain to heal I’ve been told so many times and it’s definitely true. Time along with therapy would be beneficial for you – – I mean all this happened just four months ago! Give yourself a little bit of a break – – you’ve been through a lot. I know it is hard for spouses to understand sometimes. My husband was there physically through everything–at the hospital, taking care of things at home while I was in rehab, driving me to all of my therapies, etc. but not necessarily emotionally. Sometimes I felt extremely lonely and still do, and that’s where the group comes in helpful at times. We all experience different things in our journey, but unlike other people that have never been through it, we “get it”. Hopefully some other members that might be going through similar issues that you’ve been experiencing will be able to respond with some other helpful advice. You are not alone, we are here.

Pat, I don’t understand your question. Something seems to be missing at the end. Try again and I will get back to you🙂

Tina, I was one of the lucky ones - my annie was caught before rupture and it was coiled and stented without rupture. I did, though, have a rough recovery. My friends told me that I was not myself for well over 6 months. Depression and anxiety is common with any major illness, especially with a rupture - I was already on a depression med from long-term cancer treatment and that dose was increased. I also would get very upset when I felt overwhelmed, which was a lot. I finally convinced my doctor to send me to a neuro-psychologist almost 2 years ago, 3 years after my surgery. He diagnosed me with neuro cognitive disorder, which he said stemmed from the endovascular surgery. In addition, my back was injured at some point during the 24 hours I was unconscious and the pain was pretty intense at times. I finally went for physical therapy (neural and visceral manipulation) for 7 months for my back and nerve pain and also started my 5 months of speech therapy. The speech therapy was wonderful - it taught my brain how to work again and how to start solving things again. I have to keep up with the brain games that I enjoy in order for me to be sharper and “with it” and rarely feel the frustration that I used to. I still have trouble remembering words, names, etc., but I have accepted it.

You are severely depressed and you need help in several different ways. Anti-depressants are life saving, but it may take a few tries to find one that helps. I was prescribed several before I found one that really worked - I was on Effexor for years while undergoing long-term cancer treatment and stopped taking it during my speech therapy. Another thing that I think is really important is for you to find a therapist, again, that was something that I desperately needed and helped. I also took Lorazapam for anxiety for years - it worked wonderfully and is a med that starts working immediately, unlike anti-depressants. And, you need a doctor that will help you with all this. My primary care was wonderful and helped facilitate all of this. I just saw that you are in Canada and hope that you can access medical care quickly. You will make it through all this, but right now you need the right help. I hope you can find a doctor quickly - it’s important that you get care immediately. Let us know if there is anything we can help with. Bless you and take care, Sherri

Hello Tina. This site is very helpful. It enables us to see that other people have similar problems. Helps not to feel so alone. I had a ruptured aneurysm january 23. My problems since are very similar to yours although maybe not as severe. In fact I downplayed them for a while because I was just so happy to be alive, know my own name, and be able to go to the bathroom by myself. I felt like I shouldnt complain because I was so fortunate. Now i acknowledge I am different! This was a life altering event. I brought all these symptoms to my neuro (inablity to sleep, memory issues, and mood changes) and he immediately referred for neuropsych testing. My appointment is in July. I would strongly recommend counseling. I believe my husband would benefit also. This has affected him in ways I am not sure he even realizes. I look forward to reading more of your progress.

Hi me again. I feel the neuro unit I was at did not discuss enough the long term emotional/mental issues ahead. From reading posts here these are not uncommon. When I graduated from nursing school (a long time ago) my first job was on a stroke unit at a rehab hospital. We always counseled the families and patients about possible mood changes, depression etc. Thank God for sites such as these.