Need help with care of Mom

I am just about to my wits end when it comes to careing for my Mom. I love her dearly and so thankful that she is here, but there are some days that I could just scream. I do not get a whole lot of help from other family members when it comes to her care, so most of it is on my shoulders. Mom had her aneurysm in October 2000 and has made remarkable progress. She is able to drive and do most things on her own. The main reason she is living with me is because she does not take care of herself, she has no concept of right and wrong, and she is unable to handle her finances. I have had to go and become financial concervator for her to ensure she has the financial ability to get the things that she needs. I often compare her mental state to that of a 12 year old. What ever is the most fun at the time is what she will do without regard to concequences or danger to others or herself. She is able to stay at home during the day while my husband and I are at work, but I am starting to concern myself with that also. She is able to be "convinced" to do things she knows is wrong (purchasing alchol for her underage grandson!) and leaving her other grandchildren with no one around to care for them. (They are 8 and 5). We no longer allow her to care for the grandkids without another adult being there, but I am just having a hard time making her understand what is right and wrong. She will sit in front of the television all day long and do nothing (except drive to McDonald's 2-3 times a day) even with me giving her a list (at her request). I do not know if my expecations are too high or what, but I just want to cry and have no idea how to handle all of this. You would think by now I would be a pro, but apparently not. Any help, idea, suggestions would be so greatly appreciated!!


I know how it is first hand. My mother suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm Jan 2010, and is a miracle she is here. I have quit work and take care of her 24/7. She will never be able to be on her own again, never drive, bath herself, cook or anything. I know how frustrating it gets some times, but I honestly am grateful that I have her and I am able to spend this time with her. My mother is 72 years old and my best friend:) Believe me there are days when I want to scream and would so enjoy just 5 minutes to myself but my mother needs me and someday I will miss her terribly and wish I had 5 minutes with her. I will keep you and your mother in my prayers. God bless you...

hi Cindy-our hearts go out to you & i commend you & i think you are the "pro" that you thought you should be.YOU are doing it-YOU are PRO active.your title says it all i think you could use a helping hand,is there anyone that could give you a "break from the action"?maybe take a mini vacation or even a walk in the park?you have done what is right-you corrected her for the alcohol and you took measures so the little ones are safe,there is no textbook on this-you got to learn and adjust as you go.Don't short change yourself-you're doing great,this story is so familiar having worked in a retirement/nursing home for13 years there was always ONE person visiting on xmas,birthdays etc.,then when the tenant moved to nursing that same ONE person would be there to help move.If there is no one to help you-well that is unfortunate but you've endured the big storm i know you will make it work,i guess prioritize things like the childrens safety #1, your safety and your hubby's of course and her safety but i know it must be tough-good luck & hope i helped & hope others can help-ron

I am thankful that she has mobility and can do many things for herself. I do try and count my blessings with her where I can.

Cindy; welcome...and and and...

What did her neuros/others express to you on discharge, even tho a decade+ ago, about when to have follow-ups?

Has she been given a neuropsych test? Have you observed issues advancing / changing that are questions to ask her MDs? Does your conservatorship allow you contact with her mds? (the HIPPA law stuff)

The judgement factor you are noting at the 12 year level is likely a concern for you with her driving.

Prayers you can ask her doctors and are her advocate at appoinments, etc... and, that you take good care of yourself for you and for the rest of your family.


My brother does help in talking with her but not in her overalls care. I can vent to him and he does seem to understand but again not i giving mea break in the care. I have been questioning if I need to quit my job to care for her but I truly love my job and do not want to do that.

Of course they were positive she would fully recover and in some ways she has but in many others she has not. She did follow ups with her neuro for about 3 years and not Since then. I have no idea what a neuropsych test is. I go to just about every dr appt with her and they do talk to me about everything. If I as for a test then they are pretty good at accommodating me. Before she started driving again I made her take driving lessons again from a school but that was quite a few years ago. My 19 yo son has ridden with her lately and noticed her getting distracted very easily. I could limit the use of the car but to be honest not sure I want the headache of Mom’s siblings questioning it even though they do nothing to help her.

Cindy, I am not good at explaining ... neuropsych tests have a variety of tests; i.e. Boston Naming, Verbal Fluency, Wide-Range Achievement, Gates-MacGinite Reading Comprehension;Trail Making, Wisconsin Card-Sort (I was in the wrong state...). One is viewig a page with pictures; ie.e square, triangle, circle, rectangle (other things)...shown to patient, to stuyd; removed, and patient draws (w/o perfection) in order/type...all varying types of things; dozens more than I named for ideas; even down to including judgement, etc. The Neuros/psych based on known status, select the testing... Time varies by the volume; consider mine "all day" w/commute, lunch, etc. Suggest talking w/MDs, express changes you have observed, likely a f/up angio/whatever test would be done before a psych test. A Julie, here, recently ran info on those of us w/one annie treated, could have others develop.

As for your siblings, you may want to have any testing done; then decide, based on results?status, what to tell them.

Prayers for best results...