I had coiling 7 months ago. I am living a lie as I go to work full time and to full capacity but sometimes my brain is not coping. Sometimes I stop working coz my mind feels “blank”. The things I used to enjoy and love solving (i work in accounts) has become too difficult for me. I do not tell anyone how I really feel. My employers might think I am a liability although I am still able to go through the motions and because nothing really trying/difficult has happened yet but I feel one day I will have a major stuff up. I don’t tell my family either as I do not want them to think I am using my “condition” as an excuse for anything - doing work, being moody, etc. I feel I am deteriorating not only mentally but physically. I feel like an old woman. I am scared that people will see me as irritating/negative/weak if I tell them how I really feel. This forum is the only way I can vent.
Hi Cris…please vent away…my coiling was done 9 months ago…and I feel many of the similar things you feel…however, I am blessed not to have to work out of the household…infact, I am seeing my neurologist in September to talk about many of the issues…he and my hubby are my only support and the only one’s that I tell … God Bless … I wish I had better things to say to you… Healing Thoughts your way … Colleen
Hi Cris,
Please live day by day.
I had coils quite 3 years ago, and a stent 2 years ago.
In my understanding what younfeel is faar.
I Feel this same day , fear about everything , but I tried and I reached to come back to the previous life.
Speak with your parents and stay on line with us.
Take care of you.
Giovanni
Whaat you need to do is tell your neurologist,u may need to go on some meds , the same thing happened to me and I did not loose my job, I did not tell any one about it except my dr !
Thank you for your kind thoughts. It helps me so much.
I KNOW and ACCEPT that things are different because of the coiling - I cannot change that. What frustrates me is that everyone thinks I am 100% back to normal (because I PRETEND that I am) and I have to live up to that expectation. They do not know that, deep down, I long to rest my brain and body if I ever have a chance at getting back to normal again. This brain meltdown together with the stress of trying to hide my "weaknesses" is getting to me. Because of the lie I have perpetrated, what excuse can I give? Because I AM NOT SICK (or pretend not to be) so why shouldn't I work, why should I be moody, why should I be tired? The very things I long to give in to. It is not my family's or anyone's fault that I keep this from them. I am a very strong-willed, independent, proud person who likes to show everyone that there is nothing I cannot handle - that the coiling was nothing. @Giovanni - you're right - just live each day as it comes and if some of you have returned to your normal selves (even if it might take years), then there is light at the end of my tunnel.
Thank you for listening to me
OMG Chris thank you!!!! You hit the nail on the head. I've been told that what I have experienced is menopause and nothing to do with my annie or the surgery to correct it. I guess knowing your secret makes my secret that much easier to bear. Thank you for getting it.
Many best wishes and hugs your way,
Linda
Sometimes trying to be the old you is almost impossible, at this point in your recovery . Your mind and body have been through the ringer whether or not you realize . And if I’m not mistaken. To be able to handle a full time job ,and fool your family must be exhausting in itself. You need to share your feelings. Let your family see this web site to help them understand what is happening to you. What your feeling is not unusual . There are so many here with the exact same feelings. How strong you must be to come this far so soon. Please take care . Don’t push yourself. Educate yourself and your family to your recovery . It might help .
first off the brain needs to heal so listen to it, you dont have a condition it can be called a brain injury not brain damaged. You should tell them because if you need help one day they will know why.
Cris,
I thought that this only occurred in cranitomy clipping patients. I would strongly encourage you to get a neuropsychology test to protect you as you go forward. The same symptoms developed in my wife. She fell on her sword so to speak and left her job. This was a major mistake for her. Fortunately we have been able to make do on my income. You and others may not be so fortunate. The test can be arranged by your Neurologist and takes a few hours over a few days. It will be immensly helpful if you need to rely on disability insurance. Don't make the mistake my wife made!
Thanks for your words of advice Ed. I had a few minor strokes after my coiling which I fear could be the reason for this brain "malfunction". I was told that every second during your stroke, a million or so brain cells die. They can regenerate though by constantly using your brain, by problem solving, brain exercises. And this is one reason why I went back to work full time. If I stay home - my mind will go stale. I guess I still should tell my neurologist about this just to be sure.
I think I am letting this annie thing rule my life by making me fear that my brain is somehow damaged and that I am now not as good as I used to be - with work, life, everything. Thank God and for members of this forum as I need a slap in the face every now and then to realise that while my brain's been poked at, I survived it and will keep getting stronger if I only give it a chance and time to heal.
If nobody else will listen to us Linda, at least we can vent away together and in this forum and not be judged and criticised by people who have probably never been where we have been. Doctors are sometimes the worst, they do treat the aneurysm but have they ever had one to know how it feels and the its after-effects?
Well wishes and hugs back at you. :)
Cris
Hi Cris, for sure there is the light after the tunnel…it’s the day after…
I started to’ have some psicological support after 2 years from the rupture also to give a clear message to my parents : I’m here, I’m a survivor, I’m doing my best every day.
Other people should not understand how we feel, I think this is normal.
We can only try to’ do our best , only for us.
Take care and be on line.
Ciao.
Giovanni
HI CRIS,
THERES REALLY NO WAY TO AVOID WAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU BUT THE WORSE THING YOU COULD DO IS TO CAUSE A SETBACK,,,YOUR BRAIN NEEDS A GOOD 6-12 MO TO GET ITSELF BACK 2GETHER...I DONT THINK UR DETERIORATING, U MIGHT BE MISCONSTRUING REHAB OR DOWNTIME NEEDED TO REGAIN UR MENTAL FACULTIES AS UR BRAIN WIDDLING AWAY...SO NOT TRUE! GIVE URSELF TIME N UR FAMILY N FRIENDS THAT LOVE U WILL LEARN THESE KRAZY SIDE EFFECTS FROM HAVING AN ANNY WILL SUBSIDE BUT MAY NEVER ENTIRELY GO AWAY..,BUT THATS OK BECAUSE U R STILL HERE..ALIVE N KICKING...JUST A LITTLE FEISTIER...LOL MY 2 YR ANNYVERSARY WILL BE OCT 14 2011,,,I AM DOING MUCH BETTER, AM I THE SAME AS I WAS BEFORE? WELL HECK NO..IVE,AS WEVE BEEN THRU A LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE...I EMBRACE MY FAMILY TIME MORE..I HAVE TO THINK TWICE AS LONG ON CERTAIN PROBLEM SOLVING PROCESSING..BUT YOU KNOW WAT? ITS OK..WE ARE ALL VULNDERABLE AT ONE POINT N OUR LIVES BUT GOOD GOD A M7GHTY...WE ARE ALIVE!..I SEND U MUCHO HUGS N PRAYERS TO LET U KNOW ALL WILL BE WELL..JUST DONT RUSH..SLOW-N-EASY..GOD BLESS
Cris,
I mentioned your plight to my wife this morning and she is so in synch with your feelings. As her Neurosurgeon stated to her the night before the surgery in response to my wife query about whether she would have brain damage", he replied that damage has already occurred simply because of the bleed." You didn't indicate if you suffered a bleed before your coiling. This might be helpful information. In any case please do speak with your Neurologist and let he/she know what you are going through. It's important for you to go into protective mode because you, like my wife already has to date, will live a long time. If you need retraining or to seek a new career, the Neuropsych exam will help the appropriate agencies get you the right help.
You are right that your bain will regenerate new neurons and pathways and some of that may explain why you feel the way you do right now. The brain is an amazing organ. Not only have I had the pleasure of having my wife survive for 17 years, but it led me to study the brain in a whole new way - such that many of the Neurologist I have come in contact with have commented and commended me and my wife on the new insights we share with them.
Hi Cris,
Please speak to your Neurologist about what you are going through. In trying so hard to protect your job, unfortunately, another issue has come up. Everybody thinks you are okay and you are not. I had Craniotomy so I couldn't hide anything since I was out for a while. My surgeon took some hard words when he sent me back to work in a couple of months. At the end, everybody came to understand that, he did that because my memory was picking up and he figured if I am in my regular surroundings, I can retain things better. Initially, it was hard but it ended up helping me a lot.
What is sadly is going against you is, if you make any mistake, they have nothing to blame it on other than, you just messed up because, to them, you are fine. That little lie is not working out right now so please speak to your Neurologist and hopefully, you can take it from there. It's a very, very frustrating situation you are in right now and aneurysm and stress don't go too well.
You are now on the right path. Don't forget, you are still a" newbie" as are many of us. Listen to your body ,treat yourself well. Don't forget to talk things over with your Doctor if you need to,and don't push.As you said work becomes easier with repetition ,and it will. I know you said you are a take charge and get things done person,well, please put yourself at the front of that category . Take care of you.
All my best to you,
Joan
love your outlook cris n wish you n your family a life full of love,health n happiness…life is good n God is great…its all n the way we choose to view it n live it to the fullest…appreciate everything n take nothing for granted…
Hi. Until you have dealt with having your own mortality slap you in the face, you cannot fully appreciate your life and the things you do have. It is tough at times to stay positive but try your hardest to do it. It does take time to heal and you have to give yourself that time, even if it is just giving yourself a break from the worry and extra stress you might put on yourself. It will get better...I know because I am a 13 year, 5 month survivor.
Thank you all for your support and time - I am sending my sincere well-wishes for your well being and health. God bless you all!