I feel helpless

Hi all
I am a mother of a survivor, my daughter 31 had her aneurism clipped six weeks ago. Theynhave a very busy 4 year old boy and a baby boy 10 weeks needless to say she has had verly little time to bond with the baby and is finding it very very hard in dealing with life and the sheer tiredness it all brings. Her hubby has been home fulltime with her and I have taken the baby especially coe the first few weeks full time, now she is looking at having to car efor the 2 on her own feom next week and I thing the fear of it is making her wish she did not survi e… It breaks my heart To heR her sY we would have Ll been better off if she did not survivie. Can any one suggest anything I just dont know where to turn or how to helpher

Her emotions are all over the place from the rupture and having just had a baby...Perhaps if she could speak to a therapist...it would help her to get her feelings out...especially to a third party...just a thought...ask her Doctors for suggestions too...she needs to get the rest in order to heal...~ God bless to all of you ~ Colleen

Thanks so much, I just dont know where to turn, so all suggestions are a big help. godbless

Marg, I don’t know what to say, does she have any friends or neighbours that she could call if she feels overwhelmed. Or even some of your friends if you are not available. She is very early in her recovery and the thought of taking back control of her life is a very big decision, tell her you have confidence in her and that everyone is just a phone call away. Make a lst of friends & phone numbers that she can keep by the phone.
Our emotions are all over the place for a while and depression and PTSD are very common.
Maybe she could look at getting home help of some sort, I am not sure what is available in Canberra o even looking at having a nanny till sh feels more confident. Check with the local council to see if they have any home services that may be suitable.
Please tell her not to give up, life really is beautiful and she has 2 beautiful children to watch them grow. And a family who love her dearly.
I wish I was in Canberra so I could be of some assistance.
Lots of hugs and stay positive.

hi Marge! My heart goes out to you, i'm so sorry you are having to deal with so much. I'm trying to understand this so hopefully can help, I assume this was not a rupture or SAH since you said on your page you decided on clipping- I was emergency that required no decisions but I suppose everyones different. Can you or other family members help her care for the children? for instance taking 4 yr old to the zoo or park which will enable her bonding time with the baby or bringing her covered dish maybe? Please don't feel helpless- you've helped a lot in the past, just be there for her as much as possible- communication is key,ask her if theres anything you can do-sometimes just to lend an ear is very beneficial. Why will she have to care for them on her own? surely someone can assist? Sorry so many questions but its hard to offer advice from afar with minimum data. At any rate I'm glad you're here with us and maybe when things calm down she will join us, until we meet again I;m keeping you in thoughts and prayers~

Thankyou thankyou

I had my craniotomy at 29 weeks pregnant and am scheduled for surgical birth next week. Please tell your daughter that she is not alone. I'm feeling very defeated at the moment and my only option is to pray for courage. I struggle to get through most of my days and I still have more stress ahead of me. I'm pretty sure I know how she is feeling. You're a good mom. All you can do is be there for her. She may feel like the only one going through something like this but she's not. There aren't many of us but we try to keep going. I hope she will stay strong for those babies! I also hope she feels better.

I think the bottom line is, she needs more time, or she needs more help. Having a baby is tiring on a healthy mom, and having an aneurysm surgery is tiring on a person, and combining the two is more depressing than you can imagine. She needs to have time to recover!! Of course she's upset about not bonding with the baby, she hasn't had the time to do so. And she's probably exhausted. And overwhelmed. She may have some post-partum depression, and coupled with the depression that can come with an aneurysm, it's just unbelievable. She needs someone to take the oldest child as much as possible, and/or to stay and help with the baby. She needs to sleep, a LOT, to help with all of the emotional issues. She needs meals brought in, someone to clean the house, someone to tell her that all the things she can't do right now will wait and it'll be alright. She's fighting two battles at once, and that must be so overwhelming. They each come with depression, pain, anxiety, unknown territory, etc. She should come here herself, ask questions, etc. Venting is welcome - we all feel this way, and sometimes just writing it down gets it out of our system. There's no judgment here, no cruelness, no meanness. Just support. She can come here any time, and learn about what others experience and realize she's NORMAL (it's just a new version of normal is all). Above all, she needs pampering - this is hard stuff, and for a little while, she needs to be the center of attention (along with the baby) so she feels loved, wanted, necessary, needed. Let her do the things she's capable of, then tell her to take a break and rest. Or insist that she just take care of the baby only, and gets lots of time to rest, take a shower, eat something good she didn't have to prepare herself, read a book, etc. These terrible feelings will subside with time and patience and understanding.

What an incredibly difficult journey for your daughter and you to walk. I have 7 year old twins, and that can be hard, even though they are mostly self sufficient at that age. She needs to speak with a therapist. I will pray for you all and as time goes on, she will learn to cope better and better. She is blessed to have a supportive mother!!

thanks heaps I will pass this onto her


thanks heaps I fell I am the one that is blessed to still have a daughter

I had PPD as well as depression after surgery with a then two year old. A good therapist visit and an antidepressant helped significantly. My husband was terrifically supportive, and it sounds as if you are as well. It wasn't until I could get on this forum that I was able to get help. Get her here anyway you can. It's the understanding and the 'oh, it's not just me' that you find here that makes you able to push yourself through.