I don't know what to do?

This is all hitting home today. I have a clipping scheduled for the end of June. I have very limited family support because there are only three of us left. My daughter is having a hard time with all of this. My 82 year old mother just found out she has lung ca and my sister lost her job but found a temporary one. All of us are single. They both live out of state. My daughter is here now but may have to move for a job. Then to top it all off I had to put my 11 year old dog down unexpectedly last Wednesday. I am at wits end.

I am afraid to tell my boss about the surgery that is the first problem but will do it tomorrow because I know they won't hold the exact job I have now which I love and could do if I am not exactly the same upon return. I am looking around my house and thinking should I have an auction now and get rid of everything now? I can't afford to keep the house if I can't return to work.

I have my will and and the POA stuff done. No one will tell me what happens or give me statistics about clipping deficits.

I have been trying to be positive but this is all too much. WIth my dog gone that put me over the edge. My friends are supportive and will offer help but couldn't be permanent help. I don't want to overwhelm what is left of my family and my daughter. Now I am overwhelmed, doing a life review, and realizing the gravity of the situation.

I don't know what to do?

Hi Martha

So sorry for the way you are feeling, and for the loss of your dog. This is very emotional time for you, Its difficult to have a scheduled surgery but more so when you are so unsure of the recovery period, But try to think positive, you have been blessed that it has been found before rupturing, and it can and will be put right.... I cannot give you clipping advice as my Aneurysm was coiled on April 6th and I have another one I am watching over, but lots of other surviviors on the forum have had clipping and very successfull recoverys just scroll through previous forum blogs and you shall see just how many survivors are doing really well . You really have come to the right place, as these are real people with real experiences of clipping surgery and recovery.

I moved from Uk 3 months prior to my aneurysms being discovered and coiled, with my husband and young daughter, so had no other family or friends around and worried myself terribly about the ifs and buts of the unknown and what would happen to them.... and Thank the Lord it was all unecessary worry I could have done without.. Unfortunatly I found this wonderful site post surgery, and all I now know I learnt from its survivors, and that is what we all are and you too shall join the club. Thankfully , you have found it pre surgery so shall hopefully gain from all the experience and support I am sure you shall receive.

Telling your boss tomorrow is the first step, and I shall wish you the best outcome and hope that this takes much of the other worrys you have away.

Hang in here as someone with more clipping advice shall reply soon,

Best Wishes

Gaynor

Martha,

Sorry to hear about your plight. I caution you not to say anything to your boss or company. You are not under immediate obligation to do so. I want to give some thought to the rest of my reply so I can provide the best help for you but it is late at night at this point. Also, my wife ( a clipping suvivor) is also experienced in human resource management and I will provide your info to her and see what her thoughts are. I hope I have caught you in time before you disclose your info to your boss.

((((((((((Martha))))))))))))))

My Prayers are with you...after reading this, I am so scared you have given up...please...know that someone is saying lots of prayers at this very minute that all will work out for you...Healing Thoughts your way...and Hugs Colleen

maybe they are not giving you deficit warnings because its a low risk procedure…is the clipping being done thru angiogram? i will keep you in my prayers n please keep your attitude positive…my 69 yr old mother just beat lung cancer…it doesnt have to be a death sentence…your way of thinking can determine your recovery time…so please keep your faith strong and optimism is a must…God bless n much love coming your way

Hi Martha,,,, depending on how long you have been at your present job you should get fmla. I did that when I had my surgeries,,, I had paid time off so i did get a pay check when I was out ,,, fmla is family medical leave act,, you get forms from your employer and your dr will fill them out,return them to your employer , make sure you keep a copy , and you get time off from work, believe its 12 weeks ,you can take it all at one time or split it up as i did ! under fmla the employer has to hold your job for you ,,, its the law! get the forms in asap ,,, in your case its a serious illness so they should forgo the 30 day notice for the leave,,, and don't let anyone try to take advantage of you at this time,,, if you need to seek legal aid then do so ,,,so that after your surgery they can take care of things for you,,, drs ,,, disability ect,,, take a deep breath,,, face the challenge head on girl! you can do it ! you have all of us here rooting for you now and praying for u !!!! Huggsssss and prayerssssssss Julie in delaware

Martha,

Julie expressed the info I think my wife would have provided. Unfortunately, we had a death in the family so we have been preocuppied by it. As soon as we can think a little straighter we'll try to get more info for you. Have you discussed anything with your employer yet? Thanks for any update so we can better help you.

My wife recommended that you let your employer know that you are applying for FMLA scheduled around your clipping procedure date. You should keep it open ended and you would like to return to your job. My wife also stressed that you try to find a therapist in advance who can get to know you so that post procedure evaluations can be done more accurately and the therapist could determine changes that might be different. If you can ask your Doctor to arrange a Neuropsychology exam will be immensly helpful for you since it establishes a pre-procedure baseline for what you may or may not be able to do when you return to work. We wished that one was completed for my wife because she does have some memory deficeits.

One more thing my wife recommended is that you find a really good friend that you can open up to especially after the procedure. As a veteran of a clipping procedure, she said you will need to do this.

Please continue to pray for me. I am not handling this well at this time. The crazy thing is that there really are no statistics or academic papers to read about outcomes. I think if I really knew what happens to people with clippings on small left ICAs I would be able to accept this better and be able to prepare mentally. The unknown is too much to handle for me right now.

Please continue to pray for me. God is with me. I am glad you are doing well and your Mother has beat lung ca.

Thank you for your reply. I did tell my bosses. I did do the FLMA. I faxed the doctor portion to my surgeon whose office then replied that he won't do it until after surgery. They are going to fax a letter to my HR in the meantime. My work colleagues appear to be supportive right now and some are donating vacation time for me. This whole ordeal has me so upset I can't think.

All this is too much to handle. My daughter will be my caretaker and she has to work. If I am going to not be able to remember that does not sound safe. I am wondering now since I have such lack of information if I am even going to be able to talk. Did your wife realize she didn't remember or was it you that noticed?

Where was her aneurysm located?

Thank you for your help and support. I do appreciate it. I am normally a positive person but this has gotten me upset and I am trying to make a list for my daughter. I will add neuropsych to it.

Please keep me in your prayers especially on June 30th. I was telling Ed below that I did do the FLMA and after faxing it to my surgeon his office said he will do it after the surgery. I read some of the boxes on the form so it makes sense to do that since NOW it appears who knows what will happen.

I am making a list for my overwhelmed family and adding disability and legal aid.

I appreciate you and everyone rooting for me. I have having a difficult time dealing with this. I am alone and the thought of losing myself and everything I have worked for is going to take time to deal with emotionally.

I am sorry about the death in your family. I really appreciate your concern and support.

I forgot to tell you that my colleagues appear to be supportive and are donating vacation for me so hopefully I have the full six weeks off covered. That is very nice of them. I am trying to be positive in front of everyone but this group so I don't scare people off. Thank you again for your support and advice.

I really think it is the usual American medical procedure way......talk about the positives and just sort of sweep the potential bad under the rug. This is a study really for some grad student. How many people would have surgery such as this or start dialysis if they really knew what the finanical, emotional, and strain on the family would be.

I am normally positive but this has really done a number on me. Fear of the unknown and fear of staining my already fragile family with four members left three of whom are battling cancer, neurosarcoidosis, mental illness and the last one my daughter who is fine. She and I were the ones keeping my Mom, Sister and brother who have these problems assisted. That is why this is so hard thinking about my daughter having to handle all this and the what ifs about me now. I have to call my Mother's doctor next week and find out what is really going on and discuss her treatment options.

Martha....can only send my blessings; and tell you that you are in my prayers... none of us know from day to day that we will have excellent hellth care, avoid MVAs, a plane crash, flood, tornado, earthquake, etc. There is no reason to overly worry daily, than there is to pretend those things may not occur whereever any of us are. But, in other words, we really do not know what may happen... including in hellth care...

I am so sorry you lost your loving pet...I am surviving without one; and wonder if I get another if I will remember to feed, clean the box, take a walk, remember the vet...which is so cherished by me that they diagnose / treat w/o complete conversation with any pet...and too many mds do not hear a human patient...

Hugs and prayers surround you...please feel blessed that you were diagnosed before a rupture...when you'd not have had the capacity to converse... ask questions...

Pat

Hi Martha,

Try to relax. I am having my first aneurysm clipped Monday. I have two and the second is scheduled for July 13. My mother too had hers clipped with great success for 20 years. That was 30 years ago! It saved her life and will save mine. Hers ruptured and she lived a happy life after the clipping. She passed from another cause. My surgeon gave me nothing but positive feedback on my recovery and he is the best. Of course I am afraid of the surgery itself, but I have heard nothing negative and I have talked to many people and have done extensive research. He said I will be up and around within days and I have 100% confidence in him and his team. I am sorry about your dog, I have pets too and they are part of the family. It's hard I know, I have been there too. You need to get plenty of rest, stay strong and positive and you will get through this. We both will! I will keep you in my prayers!

Lisa

Becky...you gave such a wonderful response here...and, I am too critical to add to it at this time...

beyond knowing one woman associate who had her surgery/clips decades before I was wired...

None of us associates knew she had ever had an aneurysm...surgery/clip decades earlier by quality care...she had to show me/us the access spot in her skull; she lived a normal life; was/is an accountant; i.e. able to deal w/detail. the quality of the routine surgery/clip is so far advanced than the minimally invasive coiling... I will not dwell on the rest of my opinion based on my personal experiences... today.

Martha is in my prayers for having quality care... along with all others in monitoring or f/up...

Pat

Thank you, Pat. I appreciate the hugs and prayers and you telling me how life is going for you. I feel better when I know how people are dealing with this problem and the day to day life. I hope you can get a little pet again someday. I just went out and got a notebook and am writing every instruction down about myself for my daughter and helpers. I also will get post it notes. Maybe that will help me remember?

Thank you for telling me your story. I am going to try to remain positive. I think I am going through a grief and loss stage and possibly an anger stage but by June 30th I hope I will be in acceptance and I will have everything in order emotionally. Keep praying for me as I will for you.

I won’t give up. Please pray for me that I can handle this and that I get my current job back after this is over. Thank you for the encouragement and prayers.