“Feelings are scary. And sometimes they’re painful. And if you can’t feel pain, then you’re not going to feel anything else, either.” - Dr. Berger, Ordinary People.
I’ve found the emotional adjustment of the recovery a more difficult process partly due to the fact it’s difficult to measure progress, but it has also revealed a lot about the choices I’ve made in my life. However, over the last few weeks, I’ve felt much more comfortable with the idea the recovery will be ongoing and will also take as long as it needs. Not to mention, there will be aspects of it which are frightening and painful to negotiate. Thankfully, I’ve been able to refocus my perspective, and I have been the recipient of some wise counsel. Thank you for allowing me the chance to reflect here and for offering support.
Thank YOU for sharing with us. I was so happy to read these read posts from others because truly I was totally alone as an aneurysm survivor for about 21 years. It both hurts and helps sooo much to know others are as confused and lack the tools to become part of their life from a brand new perspectives as do I. .
Stephen, when I first came home from hospital, I had no affect. It was sort of being flat lined in the emotion department. We put the dog down that had saved my life and I just said ok. Dad died and I said ok, same pretty much with my mom. I think I had so much to heal that emotions just were not on the High Priority List for its healing goals. Then one day, I heard Todd talk about his daughter Ellie who had died from a SAH. I started crying. I thank him every time I see him for this gift. So one day out of the blue a trigger will happen, and your brain connects!
Thank you for writing to me. David Foster Wallace once said the job of good writing was to make people feel less alone. Hearing from you and knowing my situation is not unique is very comforting, gives me solace, and allows me to feel less alone. If there’s one thing I’ve realized it’s that I don’t know what will happen next. My hope is that I will continue to readjust and find fulfillment in whatever experiences await me. Hopefully, many of the voids will be filled in the way it happened with my ability to think abstractly. Last year, I had been filling out a worksheet given to me by a speech-language pathologist in which I had to label what type of dog belonged to each owner. Suddenly, I was able to make inferences when I hadn’t been able to before. Or, it might take longer to adjust. Either way, I’m much more at ease with not knowing the answers. Thank you, again.