Dealing with the mood swings

My fiance has mood swings all the time from the brain aneurysm. One second he is fine and the next second he is angry and taking it out on me or one of his family members. I am finding it very hard to deal with some of the mean things he says even though he does not mean it. I need help.

Samantha, my husband also has crazy mood swings from his brain aneurysm. The best way I have found to deal with it is to give him some space when he gets irrational because there really isn’t anything you can do or say to make it better. My husband will get upset very easily and say mean things, but then a few days or even few hours later he won’t even remember what he said or did. I know it’s very hard to deal with, it seems like the person you fell in love with has disappeared. I’m hopeful that it gets better with time, since it’s only been about 3 months since my husbands surgery. I cherish the times he is being his old sweet self, and try to not argue or make him mad when he is being mean.

Samantha,please dont feel like you’re all alone,because believe me when I say you’re not.For the past 11 years I’ve been called names that I’m even ashamed to say,my wife has actually(for no apparent reason)just reached out and busted me in the mouth.But I’m still here we have been together almost 32 years and I know she doesnt mean wht the things she says and does,although it seems that way at the time.Her mother says I baby her too much,well maybe I do but I trudge along and like KB said they most times dont remember what they’ve said and done.When Tammy(my wife) had a successful surgery,the doctor told me then that I would be the person she would take out most of her anger on,I can tell you from experience that it’s sooooo hard to even try to understand why we’re being treated the way we are,but answers are not that available,love your fiance and keep a stiff upper lip…you’re not alone,Bill

I also wanted to add that I’ve experienced this. Unfortunately in our family, these moods often are taken out on our children. Because my husband has never been physical with them (or me), I put up with it, but it’s HARD. I just have to keep reminding myself and our kids that this is not who he is. I know we hear a lot about depression being common with aneurysms due to chemical imbalance in the brain- I think it’s not just depression though but rather a variety of moods. We are working on finding a “mood stabilizer” to help my husband feel more in control. There are many out there. We’ve tried a few that haven’t quite leveled things off, but with the numerous options, I’m confident we’ll get there! Prozac is next on our list, I’ll let you know how it goes :slight_smile:

My wife does this. Mood swings aren’t obvious, but her comments can be really vicious. It can be very hard, after a day of typical challenges and frustrations, to put her first and suppress the hurt and urge to respond. It’s really hard on the kids (24 and 22). My mother had breast cancer from when I was about 15 to 22, and in many ways my wife’s behavior post-aneurysm is reminiscent of my mother’s.

Thank you guys so much for all of the support. I appreciate all of you sharing your personal stories with me!

You are not alone my husband also has very wild mood swings. And he tends to vent ALL his frustrations towards me. Like they say you lash out at the ones you love most. This has been the most difficult thing for me and our 4 year old daughter. Recently it has gotten so bad that the doctors told us that it wasn't safe for him to remain in our home and is currently at a locked memory care unit. He has never physically harmed anyone but it was the "what if" that the doctors are concerned about. Take some time to take care of you, and don't be afraid to lean on/vent to friends and family. That is what I am learning to do~ as I am a very independent and private person and it is hard to ask for help. And my friends and family just volunteer to watch my daughter and tell me to go do something just for me for a while.

You are not alone!



I'm so glad I found your post. My husband's mood swings got so bad I had to put hm in a tbi behavorial unit. It's 45 mins away from my home. I feel so guilty. They are trying different meds out, but said I may need too consider long term. We have 4 children, 5,6,14,15. I want him home so bad. only visit every other day. He doesn't even know why he is there. He doesn't know what happened to hm. I don't know what to do. People don't understand that It's not easier to have him away. It's harder. My mind can't just move on. I worry for him always. It was earier on me to have him home. How do you choose between your injured husband and your kids?

Michelle I can not imagine the pain and struggle you are dealing with but you did the right thing by protecting your kids. As hard as it is to have your husband in the facility I think that if he was thinking clearly that he would want his children protected as well. I hope your days have gotten easier as I see many months have passed. Blessings and love to you.

I am very happy to see others going through the same thing I am. Well maybe happy isn't the correct word. I too have to listen to angry outbursts from my wife. She is six weeks post op and sets off at any time. I let it go, let her go and listen to it. Later in the day she will apologize. Odd that she remembers and apologizes. I know she does not mean it and her surgery is the cause of all of this. She is scheduled to return to work this month on the 17th I believe. I am positive she is going to have an extremely difficult time. She deals with the public at a position where she has to give some of them disturbing information and of course take verbal abuse from the "customer". I know she will have an outburst when she gets blamed by some person for the information they are responsible for. What a great group to find. I am very happy to have been told about this by her.

I am so glad I found this group!!! I now know that everyone else is dealing with this too, I am not alone. This is so hard to see the person who once was is no longer there. The moods swings, the names, the fighting, the yelling, the most hurtful words said to you, life in general, daily living with someone that hates everything and everyone. Its Christmas time and I dont want anything to do with it, when it use to be my favorite time of the year. My husband has his aneurysm clipped with 2 clips 2 years and 6 months ago.......the last year has been horrible with the mood swings, the headaches, the arguing, the worrying if there is another one. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my cope with someone that use to be the most loving man there was. My husband to is tired alot too. Daily life for him is a struggle to get through anymore. He does work, he works in a steel mill 10 hours a day, 40-50 hours a week. He does work hard, and so thankful he is able to. I am a very strong person and can handle alot of this............but when the hurtful names and the mood swings being taken out on me is pushing me so far away from him. This last month has taken its toll on me, having thoughts of divorce and ending my marriage. I try so hard knowing that this aneurysm has ruined what he use to be and how our marriage use to be. Went back home this last weekend to have Christmas with my family, and ended up hurting my one sons feelings, hurting my grand daughters feelings (she is only 4) because he was being selfish. He is finally going to the doctor next Monday to get something for depression and his headaches when the weather changes. I am hoping this helps, I dont know how much longer I can be so strong, I am wearing thin these days.

I am going thru the same things here, the mood swings, the name calling, the ugliness, I keep wondering when/If the man I married will show up again, people say it is a long process...well when it comes to hurting everyday, stepping on egg shells, we have a grand son and a great grandson (2 wks old) and he is so selfish that it is a fight to get them in the door..I am scared...really scared..that I have lost the man I fell in love with has been replaced by a stranger...the Dr says it takes time...I understand that but she is not living with this stranger...It is not like we are newly weds..we have been together 30 yrs...he won't get help..he says it is all my fault...for loving him and wanting him to feel good about himself? oh well we will see...I turned it over to God..he has all the right answers....keeping you in my prayers....