I'm acting weird. Well, weirder than the new normal whomever I am now. I actually had an argument with my husband yesterday over his sneaking a cigarette. He's been trying to quit and I know he sneaks them in here and there but I normally didn't care. Why I became so angry yesterday was beyond me. I think a little part of me felt like I could barely take care of myself and if he gets sick.... I think I saw it as he has a choice and I didn't. I feel badly for thinking that way but I can't deny it popped up. I feel like I had a tantrum.
Anyway, I got over that by bed time. Today I took my son to a new Doctor and I listened very carefully. And foolishly forgot most of the instructions by the time I picked up his meds. I know better by now...I should have written it all down. But something seems off about his meds so I started researching them and other doctors and I finally got to the point that it's all muddled. But that darned nagging feeling is still there...
And I don't have patience if my two guys speak in riddles. If I ask how you feel I expect clear answers to help me help them. I can't decipher the grunts or shrugs or blank stares. And yet I'm sure they had to decipher more than that when dealing with me. You'd think I'd be more understanding. I used to be. I'm not anymore.
So here's my question. Is the quick anger, tantrums, naggy feeling something's not quite right....normal? I know I am less patient with pettiness and the dumb stuff some people worry about but this above is just weird. I guess I'm just hoping it's something common. A side effect. I think I could handle that better than thinking I'm becoming a witch. Heehee
I have these same kind of tantrums. Nov. will be my 2 year anniversary. I have found this to be one of my no so liked new normal. Another new normal new Dr. even if it is for your one of your kids explain you have had an aneurysm and that any and all instructions MUST be written down. My husband made a comment to me "why am I even discussing this with you, your just going to forget." Needless to say I have lost the use of all my credit cards until I find where they have been hidden :( .
I went through the same thing. I don't know if it's all part of the healing process but in the last 2 years I've gone thru extreme elation, just soo happy all the time, then I had extreme creativity, then the anger where everybody just annoyed the heck out of me and now I seem to be going through reminiscing and listening to 70's music which is something I didn't do before my surgery.
Each of my "moods" seems to be lasting about 6 months. One thing that doesn't seem to have passed though is that I can't tolerate a lot of people talking at the same time or when someone has a loud piercing voice, I literally have to put my fingers in my ears when they're talking. I also seem to be telling my family to turn the TV down all the time.
May be we're just questioning our behavior more or it could be part of the healing. It's just so great that we have this place to come to though for advice.
Harley...if I told you this before I am sorry...but the first year...my patience and endurance for life and people was not there my any means...Hubs and I would call me two people...one was Jane...the mean girl and the other Colleen, trying to learn to be a survivor...well Jane crept in a lot ...Thank God she only comes out once in a blue moon...but for at least one year she was there a lot...lol...now I try to blame my behavior on Jane and my husband isn't buying it...I call it "menopause"...lol...wishing you a better day today ~ Hugs Colleen
Oh, this touched a nerve. I have a right sided aneurysm that has pretty much taken away half of my right temporal lobe. The temporal lobe is the site of emotional response, memory, and visual and auditory processing. I can be on a 'hair trigger', quick to respond without thinking, with tears or anger or snapping comments. I have learned to try to wait to respond (try is the key word there), take three or four deep breaths and think of a way to say it nicely. I had to re-learn facial expressions. For a while, after the surgery, I didn't know gritting the teeth was a sign of annoyance, or pursing the lips was a sign of concern. You can find things on line that translate facial expressions. I had to study them like a class in school. Another emotional legacy of the aneurysm is anxiety, I'm talking high anxiety, hyperventilating, pacing, even panic attacks about something that I think might happen. It can turn into paranoia in thinking that people at work are hacking into the computer to read my e-mails or the bank officer knows my pin and is taking out $10 a week that I am not noticing. Later, I realize how absurd the anxiety was, but in the moment, as my husband says, I am 'nuts.' When I'm in a very loud or chaotic setting, I have to get out, literally walk out of store and leave behind my purchases, just because I have to get out NOW. When I'm calm and the storm has passed, I remind my family that my outburst is the 'hole in the brain' talking and that I'm sorry. There are some losses you can work around, and others that you can't. It's a learning process for the family too. I try to remember to apologize later.
Wow thanks all. I don't feel so badly now. I can see now why my Mama teases and says to 'just point to your head and say sorry'. As if that explains all my weird quirks now. Which I suppose it does! Luckily it's not often I do this...seems to be once a month if that. But yep, definitely cannot handle large crowds, noise or crying babies. It's like my brain hiccups or like when the satellite tv freezes in a blip. Thanks again for helping me see that I just have to be patient with myself. It also helped that last night I explained to my guys that I cannot mentally process things the same way. They have to be crystal clear on what they want or need. My ability to read between the lines was clipped away with the brain bubble. Thanks again...you people rock.
Wow I am waiting on surgery and hope I don't get too moody as I already am somewhat, like Colleen said "menopause" and aging I find people just piss me off more than they used too, lol.. I better warn the family and co-workers. I will let you know after my operation, if it ever gets here, getting very frustrated with the health care system where I live and have been waiting since February and still don't have a date......., but in retrospect I am grateful that we have one, so there you go...
Kinda all over the place on this so will get back to work now, happy Monday all.
I, too, really struggled with feeling "off" and with anger -- tantrum-type anger, anger for no good reason -- after my SAH. Most of the anger was directed at my husband. I also had a general vague feeling that I'd woken up in someone else's life and I wasn't sure about how to do the wife and mother thing. I constantly second-guessed myself, felt inadequate and frustrated. I think my neurologist was hoping these struggles would resolve after enough time. Three years after my SAH, he prescribed medication, nuedexta, which helped tremendously. I think it saved my marriage.
I was interested to read in this thread about post-SAH intolerance for noise -- tv noise, or several people talking (like noise at a restaurant) for example. That symptom was so bad for me that I couldn't even tolerate the noise of the car heater/ac when it was turned up moderately high. And that would make me... you guessed it -- angry! And I would become angry if someone (husband) tried to talk to me without first turning off the car radio or tv or whatever. "How many times do I have to tell you that I can't listen to you if the radio or tv is on?" But, sadly, it was true. And still is, pretty much, although to a lesser extent. It's been five years since my aneurysm.
Hi Harley,
I can relate to everything you have written. I’ve been hiding from social situations due to my “quick to anger” episodes. I finally feel like I can handle my husband and daughter without letting the witch out, but it’s taken a lot of practice. Thanks for sharing, you are not alone.