An awful big place

“That Frank, he lives inside of his own heart. That’s an awful big place to live in.”

This line is spoken by the character Karl in the film Sling Blade. He’s describing the personality of a kid he’s befriended. Sometimes, I feel like this quotation is applicable. After the bulk of the physical healing has tapered off, and the emotional adjustment has mostly settled, the question of what’s next becomes predominant. Most of my endeavors tend to have highs and lows. While I’ve accepted this is the nature of life, at times I wonder whether there will be something that will provide for more consistent motivation. I can only assume a spouse or children offer that, but perhaps that’s just a “grass is always greener on the other side,” example. Either way, though I live inside my own heart, I’m still open to the experience of what’s next.

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Stephen, In my life experience, if you can’t find motivation, love, respect, etc. in yourself, other’s cannot provide it for you. You are on a good road to healing. Remember, it’s just a different road.

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To give you an example of what I mean, I have a book coming out in a few months which helps to provide motivation to continue writing. However, I can only focus on that for part of the time. I’m still trying to discover what else I can be engaged with the rest of the time. I appreciate your feedback. Thank you for reaching out.

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Thank you so much for the clarification, I truly enjoy your writing! Sounds like you are looking for something mindless that can still help provide motivation. Here’s a couple things that have worked for me, gardening and walking. I used to absolutely enjoy woodcarving and wood working. Now, it requires great mental focus as I have trouble visualizing. This means I can no longer work out all the steps before I begin. If I miss a step or two in gardening, it’s not a big deal. However, missing a step or two when working with wood could mean loss of some fingers or a totally ruined project. I hope others chime in on what they do for motivation I did find a short article on motivation https://open.buffer.com/increase-your-motivation-tips/.

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Thank you for taking the time to discuss this with me, and for the kind words and the suggestions. As with many things I’ve learned during the recovery process, there are going to be segments of it which are more difficult to process. I think universally, everything is magnified for everyone right now, but I will continue to adjust and adapt. Some of it will be less comfortable, and that’s OK.

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I do so much enjoy your personal growth you are sharing. I bet your are one awesome teacher! Your are correct that we all have to learn it’s ok to adjust and adapt, to and for everything life brings us. When your book is published, send me a PM through this site. I look forward to it.

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I’d like to think that my family would be a great motivator, but alas that’s not the case.
When I say ‘my family’, I’m thinking of my wife and her parents - mine are dead. Although my wife was with me through all of my intensive care, induced coma for 5 weeks and 3 months of rehab she still doesn’t seem to acknowledge that I have good days and bad days.
Quick recap. 11 years ago I had a grade 4 SAH.
Although now I appear quite normal, I walk straight, I drive, I’m the primary carer of my 3 year old child as my wife works fill time - I have retired.
My main issue is my balance and although I said I walk straight, it takes a fair amount of mental effort to maintain an even gate.
When I balk at the idea of walking down the hill to the shops, I’m perceived as lazy but no one considers the effort required to walk up the hill.
Fortunately I’m not a depressive person, but some days are a struggle.

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Chris, I completely relate to the balance issues, and I truly appreciate your sharing this with me. Some days will be a struggle, and others won’t be as great of a struggle. I heard a great quotation today from Pema Chodron which I’ll paraphrase. This helped to put everything into perspective. “Things come together, and they fall apart… the healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen.”

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Chris, I wonder how scared she still is…sometimes it’s a lot harder for our caregivers to recover than those of us who’ve ruptured. Don’t forget caregivers can suffer from PTSD. May I suggest that you talk to her on a good day? Ask her how she is handling your recovery. When my parents were still alive, their method of handling things was to pretend nothing happened. However, we had buried one of my brothers seven years prior to my rupture and they took it very, very hard. They didn’t want to bury another child. But their way of handling my rupture had my neurosurgeon ground me three weeks from them. She even offered to call them. Although my dad still wanted his “little sidekick/helper” my mom was able to process the danger they were putting me in. It helped my mom when the pharmacists explained. Find a day that both of you are in a good emotional place and discuss your feelings with her. Make your feelings your responsibility and not hers. Before that though, start with how she is doing. As survivors, we often get center stage our caregivers are most likely in the shadows.

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That’s sage advice, thanks so much.
I’ll give it a try.
Kind regards
Chris

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Let us know how it goes…my BH just reminded me when we discuss it, we “do it in snippets since it’s so exhausting”