7 yrs post ba

You'd think after surviving a ruptured BA and hemorrage I'd be the most grateful person ever. Especially since I have no visible physical limitations and the doctors had no explanation why I was still alive, but they were grateful I was. What wasn't known until 2 yrs later is that I suffered cognitive deficits and my 'learning center' is affected therefore making it near impossible for me to take on new well paying jobs since the learning curve is too long. Anyways I am close to retirement and applied for disability pension which after fighting with the government 2 years I finally received. Last Friday I was informed that my pension is cut off because I had a part time job as receptionist where I earned too much money last year. I no longer have that supplement, and now no longer have disability pension and will have to fight again with them to have it re-instated. I don't know if I have the strength to fight anymore.

My family has tried to be supportive but I think they are fed up with me and cannot come to terms with who I have become. I am not even sure I can come to terms with who I have become. I have been letting my life go - I was an extreme overachiever in my past life and now I feel useless and worthless. I slowly have been letting everything go including activities and friends.

I just needed to get this off my chest because I feel like I am going to explode. I feel depressed and hopeless. I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way and just need a little support. Thanks

You can do this Anne! I don’t know how it is there in Canada, but here we can hire an attorney who has a limit of 25% of the SSI awarded. I have friends who retired and are still working. If they work over a certain amount of hours in any given 30 day period, they can lose their retirement benefits for the year I think it is. It’s a math nightmare and I’m glad I don’t have to try to juggle that knife!

You need to keep your friends and activities going if not for your peace of mind, then for your family’s.

You might want to look at this link http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html from our main page. Not saying your suicidal, but it might be nice to just have a voice to vent with, or maybe a therapist?