6mos follow-up angio is next week - fear is getting me

Hi everyone -

SO.....the countdown is on. I've been anticipating this initial 6mos follow-up angio pretty much since the coiling/stent surgery on 1 of my 3 unruptured aneurysms last October, and now its just about here --- scheduled for next Thurs the 14th.

I thought I'd be managing better - thought I could stay on top of my fear and anxiety, but feel like I'm losing that battle. I'm terrified. Terrified of the procedure itself - that I'll have a panic attack on the table (I'll be somewhat sedated, but i historically fight anesthesia), that I'll bleed too much (happened w the surgery - but I was anemic to start with - don't want to scare anybody). Then of course I'm also very scared of the outcome - I need THREE good outcomes - one for each of the aneurysms. Otherwise, it's back to complication/surgery land If they were only needing to be reassured about one aneurysm, I'd probably feel better, but I have 3 that need to be stable, and those odds don't make me feel too good.

All of that said, aside from some nasty migraines, I'm doing very very well - and I would hope that if there were problems I'd somehow have some foreshadowing signs.

But, bottom line, I'm starting to feel incapacitated with fear. Part of it is a PTSD response to the original shock of finding aneurysms and having brain surgery. But no matter, I'm just flat out scared. And also judging myself harshly for being so scared - feel like I should just suck it up and do it without such anxiety - like there's something wrong about me for being this scared. So even writing this is embarrassing. But, these boards have helped me so much, and I'm looking for more help.

Thanks -----

Jaycie....do not be afraid of sharing your fear / anxiety...I am glad you are able to do that... if I recall you have close family / friends who will be beside you...

Can you rember what the neuro explained to you about the three and the potentials...may they be coiled during this angiogram, etc...If you cannot remember it all clearly, take your list of questions and ask before you start the procedure...

Hugs and Prayers...

Pat

(((((Jaycie)))))))

Everything you are feeling is normal...like you, I had the bleeding too and transfusions...and a few complications...but then I have to say to myself what other choice do we have, we have to go through this check~up...and hope and pray for the best...I don't know the outcome and don't want you to hear..."everything will be ok..." no one knows...but one thing...you are loved and being prayed for from another survivor...and as Jim told me the other day...we "annie survivors...are tough bas...d's..."Cyber~hugs Colleen

Hey Jaycie,

Being scared is all part of the having aneurysms. It's ok to be worried and don't take that away from yourself.

Only thing is that you have to think positive at the same time, a trick in its self!

Suck it up is not something that goes with all this. It's our bodies or should I say brains but if you for the most part are doing well than that alone should give you good signs and thoughts.

It's easier said than done when someone says think positive if you have one aneurysm or 3 what I have learned is what matters the most is to believe in yourself and your doctors.

I wish you all the best!

Kimberley

That was very good Jim. :slight_smile:

Thanks Pat

Last time my mom and in-laws flew into town, but this time - it's not surgery - so it will be my husband who is with me.

I spoke w the nurse today - he won't do any "tinkering around" while he's up there - this is just diagnostic- checking on results 6mos out from the surgery.

Thanks again!

Thanks Colleen! I know you get it - and Jim sent me that letter too - made me feel lots better!

Hugs to YOU!

I'm going to try and channel some of your bravado! I've become rather phobic of hospitals and medical procedures - but I will remember you and try to model my approach after yours! I'm such a chicken!

Thank you so much for the support.

You're so right, Kimberley....the challenge of being worried and positive at the same time. I've been trying hard to stay on the positive side of the road, but as it approaches, worry is getting pretty intrusive. But thank you - you've been through so much, and I really appreciate you, and wonder how you are. You're in my thoughts. XO

(mess up)

That was GREAT Jim! Your words always help. You are right....I'm glad to be here to experience the worry....the alternative isn't so hot.

What are you doing the morning of the 14th? Want to observe an angio?!?!?!

Jaycie, ask your neuro if they can transmit that to our home systems, or BAF site, via DICOM....or you can order the CD/DVD and send it from home when you need something to do...

Name memory is lapsing...someone recently put in one frame showing her aneurysm and stent. You're in our prayers...Kimberley said it so well...

Well, gosh..I think your hubby can well fill the space of the rest!!!

None of my business...but has the neuro talked about the potential of doing coiling/gluing while he has you in the angio process? If not, will you promise to call and ask...because it saves time and impacts of angios ...or, has he already told you that is not likely by location, etc?

Has your anemia improved?

Bear with me...I can never remember who has coils and who has surgery...unless I am looking at the words or the pictures...

A lot of great replies here. I think we need a THUMBS UP button!! :-)

Jaycie, there is not one thing that I can say that hasnt already been said here. I totally agree that if you feel good, or at least as good as you can be right now...run with that and dont be afraid to say to yourself. I"m going to be OK. :-) Its difficult , I know, we all know, however that attitude is soooo important. Good luck!!

Tina

sorry - im not so computer savvy…what’s DICOM?

HUGE HUGE thank you - to you and all the other’s who have been so supportive. I do feel good - I’m just scared of the procedure - but I do feel good, so I have to work harder to hang onto that fact. And…in a week it will be over with, thank heaven!

OK you are on the calendar for positive vibes on the 14th.