2 year Anniversary and feeling blue

  • I am coming up on my two year clipping anniversary. I am finding that the closer it gets the more emotional I seem to be. When I try to explain my feelings I get the same response. You should be grateful to be alive. I am very grateful to be alive and feel guilty for being so emotional. My surgery went well and my recovery had only a few complications. When I read the complications that other people have gone through my experience is like a walk in the park. That said I cannot seem to get on top of these feelings, it is like I am reliving the experience all over again. The fear, the sorrow, the pain, the thought that someone has been inside my brain. I guess I am having a pity party and would appreciate it if anyone out there could tell me if they have gone through this and how they managed to put it all back into prospective.

Oh Sweetie...I was clipped alittle over 1 month...and I so understand what you are saying...and about what others say to you...you know...it is ok to feel what you need to feel as the anniversary date comes up...as long as it doesn't happen everyday for the entire year...sometimes feelings we have are a part of the process of Healing...

Big Cyber Hugs Colleen

Hi Nancy -

Your post makes so much sense to me. I had my surgery 10 weeks ago tomorrow, and am highly aware that I'm highly aware of the date, if that makes sense. It reminds me of when my kids were babies, and they were 2 weeks old, then 12 weeks old, then 20 weeks old.....so aware of the date/week/passage of time/anniversary. I was wondering yesterday, actually, at what point I'll stop counting the weeks - being aware each Friday that it's now "x" weeks post surgery.

Anniversary reactions are sooo real. I had a trauma (unrelated to this) over 2 yrs ago, and the anniversaries are hard. They just are. There are so many reminders - and while yes of course we're thankful to be here, it just is hard sometimes, and not everybody can understand that. I wish I had an in-person support group to attend, but thank goodness for this site.

I hope you have a good night and are kind to yourself during this time. Thanks for what you wrote, I get it :)

Jennifer

It is kinda an important event so it’s natural to remember. I was hit by a car while out on my bike 3 years go 500 feet from my house. I ride through the same intersection everytime I go for a ride and the first few times were pretty intense. As for my aneurysm anniversary my wife and I always celebrate “Thom’s Not Dead Day”. Everyone handles things differently because everyones experience is different. I think you are pretty normal.

Jim, your comment gave me something to think about. I guess I did not realize that this was what I was experiencing. I have had PTSD in the past when I witnessed someone get hit by a train. Perhaps I will try some of the exercises I learned to work through this. Thank you for your input.

Hi Colleen, Thank you for responding, but first off, How are YOU? Did your surgery go OK and is your recovery going well? If I can answer any questions about recovery I would be happy to. These feelings that I am dealing with are just related to the date. Usually I am a very positive up beat person. Reading the responses that I have received have helped immensely. I am so grateful for this forum. I agree with you that these feelings are part of the Healing. One thing I remember my Neurosurgeon saying is "It may look to everyone else that you are healed on the outside but it will be a while before you are healed on the inside." I am sure he meant physically, but I can't help relating it to the way I feel emotionally also. I wish you healthy days ahead as you continue to heal.

Nancy

I love the idea of bringing a cake to the Hospital. What a fantastic Idea. Last year I was full of Euphoria as my one year approached. So grateful to be alive and doing so well. On my anniversary I posted on Face book and wanted to share the news with everyone. This year seems to be harder and I don't know why, but hearing from other people and their experiences has given me the inspiration I need. Tomorrow is my one year and I am going to go out and celebrate. My husband does not know this yet (lol) but we will be celebrating. Thank you for sharing that story with me, and I hope you continue to recover and heal from your own surgery.

Nancy

Hi Jennifer,

Wow only 10 weeks ago, I hope that you are doing OK taking it easy and allowing yourself time to heal. It is hard especially being a Mom and all that goes with that. It is so great to hear that people get what I am saying. It sure sounds like you do. Maybe all the wonderful things people are saying will help others that are/will be going through this. Thanks for your support. Feel free to contact me if I can answer any questions for you about your surgery/recovery.

Nancy

Thom, I absolutely love your attitude. I think everyone should have a "Not Dead Day" In fact I think I will get on that right away. My anniversary is tomorrow and that sounds like a great thing to do with my Husband. Thanks for the inspiration.

Nancy

Have a glass of champagne for me!

I have the most wonderful family. Last night my kids threw a surprise party for me. They invited all the people who were sitting in the waiting room the night of my surgery. Twenty showed up. They made me a cake in the shape of a brain and hung posters with brain humor. One of my daughters gave me a T shirt that read I had brain surgery what’s your excuse. It overwhelmed me and makes today that much easier to handle. I am so thankful for the people in my life.