Hi…so my name is Dave. A healthy 52 yo male. National President of a Christian motorcycle group. On 7/6/17 I had a ruptured brain aneurysm. I had 7 hours of surgery and had coils implanted. I am home and recently attempted to return to work half days. All of that sounds great, but inside I am a mess. I do not feel normal…like I am in a dream. I cannot sleep even with medication. I fear I am dying around the clock and having panic attacks even though my surgeon assures me all is fine.I am a man of faith, but just cant seem to get a grip. Will this ever go away? I am a big tattooed motorcycle guy who seems to cry at the drop of a hat now. Is all this normal? I am in Tampa FL and cant find anyone to talk to. I have called several psychiatrist on my medical plan but appointments are months out. Any advice or encouragement is greatly appreciated!!
It’s seems odds, but the people we know personally who had brain aneurysms tended to have great health before the rupture. Wouldn’t have expected it at all. Your experience now is very early after the event (my wife was in the hospital 7 weeks after), and it will likely improve with time. We have heard often that this is a marathon, not a sprint. My wife is the one who had the SAH, and her emotions became much less predictable after the hospitalization, etc. She still (almost 6 years later) cries easily, but not nearly as much as at the first. She is also more easily amused than she was prior–that can be fun. I appreciate your comments on faith. To accept the support of fellow believers is very valuable. Keep communicating–there are others on this site who understand.
This is a difficult time for you, and the people here are very empathetic. Why not post in our Prayer and Healing Energy Requests category? People will reach out, and give you the kind of support that you need right now.
I’m concerned about the wait time to see a psychiatrist in your area. I might be thinking in terms of contacting my neurosurgeon: maybe he knows a way of getting you in to see a psychiatrist faster. You deserve that.
I am a big tattooed motorcycle guy who seems to cry at the drop of a hat now.
And at heart you’re a sweet, kind and caring teddy bear of a guy. You can’t fool me. 
All the best to you, bishop247. Please let us know how you’re getting along.
Seenie from Moderator Support
Thanks very much for the response. My wife found this site and im definitely thankful you guys are here. Going through this I know I feel alone. Its nice to actually find others that have experienced all this. Thanks and God bless you and your wife!!
Thanks for having me here and for the advice. It’s definitely appreciated!!
I went back to work 45 days after getting out of the hospital. I never should have done so. People outside our tribe seem to expect you to be normal right away. Or they treat you like you’re broken. Which of course you are. But when people ask if you’re ok in that special tone that says they really want to know I fell apart every time. Still, after 5 years.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS.
Hi Dave,
Im new to the group… But I share some of those same feelings. Im in Missouri and Im 71 yrs old. Never hardly ill. In Feb… Got up to go to church and felf just a bit imbalanced when putting on my shoes… BP was about 170/90 which was high for me. Decided to chech it out… Wondered if it was mabey the flu? Boom… Was told I had a 12mm unruptured aneurysm. It was coiled & pathway stented Feb 23. Ive never gotton over the fact that as I argued… Couldnt be me… I never smoked, never drank, vegitarian, perfect weight… Not what we hear of as a stroke candidate.
I realize now, how those of us, strong willed have, especially the co-dependant, like mysel, always saving others are “blasted” by the fact we have absolutely no control over our own lives sometimes. Yes… Suddenly, were faced by the ugly fact of “death”, completely “out of control”.
The strong “fixer-upper”, can do any-thinger I was… Is now in the hands of a brain mechanic.
Im totally alone in my life, two non married sons, working all the time… No grandchildren… Living in a rural area, no support.
What a blessing to find you. I go in for my 6th mo arteriogram tomorrow, scared to death. Pray for me. You & I have a hard time being on the weaker side of life… We are blindsighted by our weakened state. Maybe were being shown how precious life is, or how vulnerable we are for a reason. Maybe our “connections” to each other is inevitabil for some reason we dont know yet. But, You contact me ANY time you want for support or just to talk. I can even send my # if you want. Your purpose here is a will from above and just your friendship to this old lady here in the sticks of Missouri are a blessing to me before tomorrow. Cheer up… You have much more left to do. Get up every day knowing how important you are.
First…I have already prayed for you!! You definitely hit the nail on the head…as President and creator of my motorcycle ministry I am ALWAYS doing for others. So, this is a definite new position for me. Comfortable in my faith it was a surprise of how scary staring death is. I am positive God has another purpose for both of us!! I would love to talk if you need…or me…If you are on Facebook I am Dave moto Bishop…or leave your number here…I am sure we could both use someone else who is experiencing this to talk to!!
Hi Dave,
Im not on Facebook, but my number is (number removed by Moderator Support for online safety – please share number by PM. Click on avatar, then on MESSAGE.). Give it to your wife too. That way if she needs someone ever, Im retired, so always ready to listen. I am such a pessimist. Just talked with my Pastor and had me laughing about how much “I think” Im in control. On top of this wonderful anni I was blessed with, Im an adult child of two alcoholic parents… So I guess my anger is that overwhelming feeling of OMG… How much more do I have to tolerate. Teehee… We both know that answer… We just dont like it. We will just have to walk thru this fear & anxiety together. If you guys ride this way, let me know. Theres a Christian riders group out of Springfield I know. They do such good work. You will be a help to many… You have many more years than me. Rember the statistics: “One in 50 people have an unruptured aneurysm and dont know it”. There sometimes are symptoms, but most never think aneurysm… So we are the lucky ones left to witness to others.
hi, no its not just you, its all of us especially the ruptured. Im 8 yrs post sah and permanently disabled but thankful i can walk a little and ride my recumbent trike. I always said im in the magnafyer and all emotions are exaggerated now, happy sad indifferent, tc and nice to meet you but wish it was another place! tc keep on trukin! things will get better
Hi Dave,
Just checking in on you. I hope your doing better. I did see that Orlando has a support group once a month… But that may be too far from you. Take care.
Its awesome to know its not just me! Definitely have the exaggerated emotions and I was NEVER like that… headaches are my new enemy. Stay strong brother!!
Orlando is a little far. Headaches are definitely getting worse, but everything else is going good. Did you ever get rescheduled for your procedure
The 21st, unless theres a cancellation. Are the headachs constant or periodic.?
I am probably chipping in late here, because I am new…
In relation to emotional problems etc, there is an organisation in Australia called Beyond Blue.
It was started originally to reach out to males who were depressed, because men, in Australia, have been traditionally reluctant to accept help with emotional and depressive problems. It now caters for everyone. The URL for this site is https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ . I am sure that there are similar sites in other countries.
I hope you have been able to get some help
I’ve prayed you & yours are safe & that your headaches get better. Check in when you have time.
Luv, Ann
Hello,
I will have my “I’m alive” one year anniversary on 10/22/17. I had a medically termed giant ruptured aneurysm which caused a massive hemorrhage and two strokes. My aneurysm was too large to be coiled so I had surgical clipping. I can tell you that for many months afterward I was terrified that I would have another brain hemorrhage or that something else would happen that would quickly kill me. Please know that this is temporary. As time passes and you keep praying, God will help you through these problems. I am closer to God now than ever before and feel somehow for some reason this was his plan for my life. But it wasn’t the end of my life. He wasn’t finished with me yet and he’s not finished with you either. It will absolutely get better. I still have pretty significant memory and concentration problems and get tired and emotional very easily. But no panic or fear of dying. I haven’t been able to return to work because my thinking is slower and I’m just different now. But, I know that God let me live for a reason and the same is true for you. You easily could have died and it’s no accident that you did not. He’s in control. You are his son. He loves you and has a plan for you. I will pray for you. I’ve been where you are. Take care.
I appreciate what you shared. 12/19/17 will be the sixth year anniversary of my wife’s SAH. She still has some fatigue problems, is more emotional than before, and has some small memory losses. But she is able to lead a fairly usual life. She taught piano before and is continuing even if on a more limited basis. She lost some stability of her left leg, also. She exercises a lot, and that probably helps her maintain the abilities she has. She could have died as well, but I especially appreciate that she is still with me. We are a team, and I’m glad we have been able to continue into retirement.
Hi Ann!
I had no headaches or pain with my “Annie’s”. I also had some balance issues which was why I went to my DR. She had me go for an MRI/MRA right away and they found 4 “Annie’s”. Had them fixed in June and July 2017. I still have some balance issues at times. Do you? My dr said my head is good so he didn’t know what was going on. If this happens to you and your dr has figured it out please let me know. I’m so glad I found this site and saw several posts about balance.
MiMi
Thank you so much for the kind words and sharing. Things FINALLY seem to be improving…just a day at a time…sending prayers for you!!